cab04 Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 I have a huge problem, my boyfriend or ex soon to be have been going out for around 4 years. We started dating when we were 17ish 18. So yes we are both fairly young. We were each others high school sweet hearts. I love this boy to pieces. Our relationship has of course had it's up and downs as we're both growing people. But we grew together. We still share the same interests and we do things that we both like. Here's where the problem is. Around two months ago we broke up. He said it was because he felt unappreciated and that he wanted the spark again. Which is true I did treat him a bit neglectful. I was dealing through personal family problems and I shut him out. I would cry on his shoulder and not listen to anything he would tell me to make me feel better and basically told him I was depressed and nothing including him made me happy which was not true. He was maybe the only thing that made me happy. So we broke up and I noticed the mistakes I had made and a month later I apologized and told him how much he means to me and we kissed and had amazing sex. I told him I wanted him to be open with me if he was unhappy about anything. To not let it build up. And we were great for three weeks I really am/was making an effort to show I do appreciate him. Well another month later. I'm pretty positive he wants to break up again. His friend told me that he told him he was having doubts about us again and I confronted him about it. He told me he was trying to sort it out in his head and that he wasn't going to tell me anything cos he thought it would pass. That he just felt that sometimes he wanted to see me but sometimes he didn't, and that he didnt think it was normal. We ended up talking and crying that night and decided to take a break. During the break he kept texting me until I told him that I thought it was best we didnt talk so he can fully isolate himself and have the space he wanted. Well I've been really sick lately (fever of 104 and hospitalized) I called him last night and broke the break. I don't even remember doing it clearly I know it was fever induced even though he says I sounded lucid. And we ended up talking I remember some parts. Like him says he feels torn between two people. The guy that loves me and the guy that wants to see whats out there ( he said not to sleep around but relationship wise, since I did tell him that I understood we were young and that I would maybe be open to having a more open relationship since I really love him). He no that he just feels this is something he has to do. That he feels that he doesn't want me sexually anymore and that he has to try to be with me ( though he says he still finds me attractive as a woman). I told him we can bring the spark back he said he doesn't want to try. I really don't want to break up. I really love him so much. He really is my partner in crime and my other half. And it hurts because just a week before the confrontation we were making plans to go away for a week this next month since we finish school.
Philosoraptor Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 All the word play, all the attempts to be gentle with a breakup... it only extends the hurt of the dumpee. Just let him go, it's the best thing you can do for you right now.
cherries1 Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 The best thing you can do at the moment is let go of him. If he sincerely told you he doesn't want to be with you or even find himself sexually attracted to you (which doesn't mean at all that you're less attractive, believe me), let him be and try to move on. Best of luck.
Life Person Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 Your situation is more or less similar to mine in some aspects. Like the others, I do believe it's best for both of you to separate, but don't try to date other people just now. You were together many years since you were young, so it's probably best if both of you start re-discovering how to live by yourselves, re-discovering what each one enjoys or not and grow individually, regain your own sense of self, and sort out the confusion in each one's head (I belive this last piece of advice is even better suited for your ex than for yourself).
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