SpicyTacos Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 I'm in a new relationship with a woman who I'm moderately attracted to, we have a lot of similar interests, and we connect really well (attraction isn't everything, right?). We haven't had any discussions about exclusivity, but I think it's probably assumed that we're exclusive by how romantic we've been, and the amount of time we spend together (and really, I could see myself falling for her). I've recently met someone else who I'm *very* attracted to, and even though I don't know her very well, we seem to have some good vibes. I would really love to ask her to lunch and get to know her better, but I'm afraid it would be too sleazy, given my new relationship with this other woman. First of all, is the fact that I'm attracted to somebody else this early in my new relationship a warning sign that I should just end it now and avoid further heartache down the road, or is this normal? Second of all, is it wrong to ask this other woman out to lunch and explore the potential there, given that no official boundaries have been established in my current relationship? Wouldn't it be healthy to "rule out" any possible relationships before I get too committed in one? Thoughts? Am I a sleaze for even considering it? I would love to hear some advice. I'm stumped. :-) Thanks in advance.
Million.to.1 Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 Oooooooo.. ..... this is a toughie! when you say "moderately attracted" what do you mean? Are you having sex? Is it good? What do you want from a relationship at this point in your life... Are you looking for someone you see a big future with? If you are sleeping with your "almost" girlfriend, then taking another woman your interested in on a date means you may lose them both. I wouldn't want to be either woman in this situation.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 I agree with first poster. Are u sleeping with said potential girl?
mortensorchid Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 Hmmm, that's a rough one. But, let's consider here... You said you are in a new relationship with woman A. You are "moderately attracted" to her. What does that mean? Are you having sex yet? If not, then you are somewhat in the clear. If you are, then you are more vested in the relationship. However, how long have you been with woman A? A few weeks? A few months? The longer it is, the more that you need to consider. Now woman B who you are really attracted to. There is nothing wrong with going out and having lunch or something with her, and I say go for it. You may find out that you don't like that woman so much. You may wonder "what if" at some point. Just don't let woman A know of this. Ignorance is bliss, I found out.
snug.bunny Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 First of all, is the fact that I'm attracted to somebody else this early in my new relationship a warning sign that I should just end it now and avoid further heartache down the road, or is this normal? Probably. Second of all, is it wrong to ask this other woman out to lunch and explore the potential there, given that no official boundaries have been established in my current relationship? Wouldn't it be healthy to "rule out" any possible relationships before I get too committed in one? Thoughts? Am I a sleaze for even considering it? I would love to hear some advice. I'm stumped. :-) Thanks in advance. Maybe if you really liked the girl you're currently dating, you wouldn't want to explore other options. Ultimately, you'll know your mind is made up on which direction you want to go -- when you envision the person you would like to be in a relationship with, is one person in particular who fits that description. It doesn't sound like that's where "you're at", so...
Author SpicyTacos Posted April 5, 2012 Author Posted April 5, 2012 Thanks for the advice. I've been seeing Woman A for 6 weeks, and yes, we're sleeping together (and yes, it's good :-). Generally speaking, I'm open to a long-term relationship. I've been in a very long-term, committed relationship, so this type of scenario is new to me. I think what mortensorchid said is true. I would hate to ever ask "what if?" I think a friendly lunch with woman B would be acceptable at this point, then if I find I'm still interested, I'll deal with the situation appropriately from there.
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