Author agirlhere Posted April 5, 2012 Author Posted April 5, 2012 well, I packed up his stuff. I am gonna take it to his parents and drop it off. I still haven't heard from him, and I personally have not contacted him because I just truly have nothing more to say, that I haven't said. I love him, but I've given him opportunity to step up to the plate and be a responsible man and partner. he CHOSE not to. his loss, in so many ways. 2
Author agirlhere Posted April 5, 2012 Author Posted April 5, 2012 My post came off a little strong. Guess what concerns me is that there are far worse things someone can do in a relationship than not help out round at someone elses house. She loves him, by the looks of it he hasnt ever cheated, and while she says he can be cruel and disrespecful shes mentioned like few incidents and we have very little to go off. Im assuming he isnt abusive, and from the sounds of it hes just a little lazy. Im just looking at it from my view point of course. But if a 40 year old man was dating a 29 year old woman, im not so sure she would be called a loser - he would be expected to provide. Also, after one year, the fact hes pretty much living with her is a pretty strong sign of commitment however you look at it - id be more worried if he was out clubbing and spending one night a week there - that would be using her. Finally, if hes used to her treating him one way, thats the woman he knows. If he now has to start acting completely differently everything will just seem contrived. Id say its over. by cruel and disrespectful, I mean name calling...the worst ones you can imagine, laughing at me when I say things, and then in the next breath he says I love you so much babe, you are so beautiful. tells me where a " woman's place is" and then will say....I'm just playing, would go hungry at work and complain to me that I didn't make his lunch......ya
Imajerk17 Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 (edited) by cruel and disrespectful, I mean name calling...the worst ones you can imagine, laughing at me when I say things, and then in the next breath he says I love you so much babe, you are so beautiful. tells me where a " woman's place is" and then will say....I'm just playing, would go hungry at work and complain to me that I didn't make his lunch......ya So you're basically the maid in your relationship, except you pay the bills. He's probably laughing at you behind his back. I'm hoping that you are at least embarrassed and ashamed at yourself for having such low standards. Let's see if you actually have the strength to break up with him now. Edited April 5, 2012 by Imajerk17
bikinibeach Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 He is a child and you are his mommy. Sick! Ditch his ass like, yesterday!! NEVER marry a guy like this!! This is not the kind of male you marry, this is the kind people adopt!
veggirl Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 I'm sorry OP, I didn't mean to word things so harshly! Anyway, good on you for dumping his stuff off, that's awesome. You're already making steps to becoming a woman who will attract a more mature, sound man I agree with the other poster....BOUNDARIES, BOUNDARIES, BOUNDARIES. Expect what you give and if you don't get it, DON'T be afraid to walk. You should also take relationships more slowly, don't jump in feet first and get caught up in emotions that will cloud your judgement. 2
Imajerk17 Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 well, I packed up his stuff. I am gonna take it to his parents and drop it off. I still haven't heard from him, and I personally have not contacted him because I just truly have nothing more to say, that I haven't said. I love him, but I've given him opportunity to step up to the plate and be a responsible man and partner. he CHOSE not to. his loss, in so many ways. Good for you! Much respect for doing the right thing... (I didn't see this post of yours until after I wrote my last one.) Now stay strong....
Oxy Moronovich Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 She'll take him back. She's a woman in love.
Author agirlhere Posted April 5, 2012 Author Posted April 5, 2012 So you're basically the maid in your relationship, except you pay the bills. He's probably laughing at you behind his back. I'm hoping that you are at least embarrassed and ashamed at yourself for having such low standards. Let's see if you actually have the strength to break up with him now. I am humiliated with myself, so ya know. mostly because I know better, I have a good head on my shoulders....but, when it comes to matters of the heart, I have a very hard time hurting people and often avoid it to my own detriment.(as you have all witnessed) and ya, while packing his stuff I cursed him and also shed some tears....I will miss him, he has been a part of my ever day for the last year. I KNOW the right thing to do, but the insecure part of me rears it's ugly head and say "your gonna miss his kisses, your gonna miss his smiles and cuddles, his laugh, his silliness etc " that's the little bitch I have trouble fighting off
veggirl Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 Of course you will miss him. Understandable, completely. But you made the right decision, and you'll be okay. Just come post here if you need encouragement. 1
Author agirlhere Posted April 5, 2012 Author Posted April 5, 2012 She'll take him back. She's a woman in love. are we all that pathetic and predictable? gawd as I'm writing this, the little insecure bitch inside is saying...." maybe he will change" good lord someone kill that little thing!!!
Imajerk17 Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 (edited) I am humiliated with myself, so ya know. mostly because I know better, I have a good head on my shoulders....but, when it comes to matters of the heart, I have a very hard time hurting people and often avoid it to my own detriment.(as you have all witnessed) and ya, while packing his stuff I cursed him and also shed some tears....I will miss him, he has been a part of my ever day for the last year. I KNOW the right thing to do, but the insecure part of me rears it's ugly head and say "your gonna miss his kisses, your gonna miss his smiles and cuddles, his laugh, his silliness etc " that's the little bitch I have trouble fighting off Every pimp is at least occasionally sweet to his ho.... Especially one whom he is freeloading off. Meanwhile, if I were you, I really would keep this story on the DL, at least until this is all truly in the rear-view mirror. The next guy is going to have a tough time respecting you if he finds out about this. Edited April 5, 2012 by Imajerk17
Author agirlhere Posted April 12, 2013 Author Posted April 12, 2013 We are 2 years in, he has changed...for the worst. He has become verbally abusive to the point where his horrid name calling feels commonplace. He still doesn't have a place of his own, he did for a short time, but he couldn't afford it and moved in with me for a bit, until he realized he needed to help out, and pretty much told me he wasn't going to be my bitch, so he moved back with his patents. there is so much more to the story, but the bottom line is I have put up with a lot of **** and abuse and have taken it. I feel ashamed of myself and weak. He blames me for everything. tells me I'm selfish, cold, bitch, slut...the list goes on and on. He has such a cruel cruel side that has gotten worse, but he blames me! I feel like I'm going crazy because I actually have begun to question wether I am a ****ty girlfriend ( I know I'm not) but the fact I am questioning it scares me.
snowflakes88 Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 Gosh... I'm sad that you've wasted another year of your life on this loser. He is blatantly abusive. And you still don't sound like you have any intention of ending it.
Author agirlhere Posted April 12, 2013 Author Posted April 12, 2013 That's why I'm here....I'm the strongest woman I know when I'm talking to myself, when he comes into the picture, the strength goes out the window. He was drunk when I got home from work today, he had come over to hang out with me, but was in bed passed out about 2 hours of me being home.Before he went to bed he told me I was mean selfish and cold because I didn't kiss his drunk ass when I got home. He gets in the shower, texts me that " it's not working"and tells me he's going to lay down and I shouldn't bother him! in my house! I assumed he was showering to sober up and leave so I got in my car and went for a coffee....I was fine, I stayed out thinking he'd be gone when I got back, and I was OK with it ....but he didn't leave. and I couldn't s ASK him to drive drunk....so here I am, writing to you guys while he snores in my bed
FitChick Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 Why do you believe you deserve to be mistreated? Does he remind you of anyone from your childhood? Sounds like you are re-enacting an early scenario, trying to make the ending different this time. The only way it will be different is if you throw him out or move and leave no forwarding address. He's a bully. Stand up to him. You really have nothing to lose at this point and everything to gain.
Author agirlhere Posted April 12, 2013 Author Posted April 12, 2013 My very first love slept with my best friend, my second long term relationship slept around on me, as have my most recent. I have felt like I never measure up, from a very early age. my dad has always made me feel " not capable" and " not good enough" That however is a very long story. I guess as I sit here and think about these things, I can see a pattern of the men in my life, and how I reacted to them. I feel like I'm not good enough in anyone's eyes. That sounds very self pitying, which is NOT me day to day on the outside anyway... Where do I find the strength and confidence?
StanMusial Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 I knew a lady through work that got herself into a similar situation. She was pushing 40 and dating a younger guy. It ended badly, he called her old and ugly and stole some money from her. She's not ugly, she's actually attractive for her age. I don't know why people get into those situations. If I were you I would put as much distance between you and him as possible.
SmileFace Posted April 12, 2013 Posted April 12, 2013 You know why this makes no sense to me? If you cut him out of your life you lose nothing at all. You aren't depending on him for support and you don't have kids with him. The day a guy calls me out of my name is day I punch him in the throat and move on with my life. Life is hard enough for us to allow people to make it worse. You need to figure out why you are still holding and allowing this. And yes I mean allowing it. Some situations you just need to relocate because you keep allowing this man to treat you like sh it.
outsidethebox Posted April 13, 2013 Posted April 13, 2013 This is another typical case of a woman that prefers to be abused by a bad boy. I about went into shock when I went from a post that said she had his things packed up and was going to miss him to a year later and he's cursing her out regularly. And nothing said here will change anything. As always it seems here, men are bad and women are victims. And the bad boys get laid.
Author agirlhere Posted April 14, 2013 Author Posted April 14, 2013 ouch! that hurt, but looking back on the posts, I completely get it. I hate being treated this way, I don't deserve to be treated this way and for some twisted reason I feel the need to make him see this. Crazy, I know...I got really mad this time, maybe he gets it now, I poured my heart out and let him know how much it hurts, maybe he gets it now...Perhaps I need to stop giving so many chances.....lol....I HEAR YOU ALL, honestly! please don't give up on me!
2sunny Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 Did you drop off his things? Did you change the locks? Unless YOU set the tempo - and gt rid of him for good - he has no reason to want to leave! Why don't you expect that you deserve more for yourself? He's a leech - and he'll cling on and suck the life out of you - until you say with words and actions "NO MORE!"
2sunny Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 OMG - I didn't realize this thread is a year old!!! Honey, you need professional help if you've allowed this mooch to suck off of you for ANOTHER YEAR after knowing full well you're allowing his drunk a$$ to continue taking advantage of you. Please get help. No woman should be so desperate to have a man.
FitChick Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 I got really mad this time, maybe he gets it now, I poured my heart out and let him know how much it hurts, maybe he gets it now. Er, no he doesn't.
Author agirlhere Posted April 14, 2013 Author Posted April 14, 2013 This is a year old, he is currently not living with me, but we are still together...as I'm writing this, I can see that I am just a desperate idiot to you all. If God forbid any of you end up in a relationship with someone who is abusive, manipulative, sweet talking and ver very good at it....and you get stuck and beaten down .....message me, I'll beat you down some more. Thanks
2sunny Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 What are YOU planning to DO to change that? Nothing changes if nothing changes! Yes, been there - changed that... 1
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