LexiB Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 I assume you work in an office where there is only one employee and that is you. Or you go to school and there is only one student and that is you. Or you go to a park to walk your dog and there is no one there. Or you go to a cafe and you are the only customer. Opportunities to meet people are everywhere. Just make some eye contact. Yes it is *possible* to meet people anywhere, and I have done that. What I'm saying, is in my experience and those of other women I know in my age group, it's extremely RARE to meet someone that you hit it off with and start dating just going about your daily routine. Like maybe once or twice a year this will happen. Most day-to-day encounters don't lead to anything.
Pierre Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 Yes it is *possible* to meet people anywhere, and I have done that. What I'm saying, is in my experience and those of other women I know in my age group, it's extremely RARE to meet someone that you hit it off with and start dating just going about your daily routine. Like maybe once or twice a year this will happen. Most day-to-day encounters don't lead to anything. OK, I get that. The other issue is that MEN of this era have been conditioned not do date seriously. Nevertheless, dating mechanically is rather depressing (IMHO). I think it is best to go about your business in areas where you can meet others by chance. It is also possible that you are blind to the opportunities in front of you.
LexiB Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 OK, I get that. The other issue is that MEN of this era have been conditioned not do date seriously. Nevertheless, dating mechanically is rather depressing (IMHO). It can definitely get rather depressing, especially after you've done it a while. Which is why I've taken a break. The flip side though, is the idea of only going on a date once every 6 months or so, relying solely on IRL encounters. That's even more depressing, imo. I think it is best to go about your business in areas where you can meet others by chance. It is also possible that you are blind to the opportunities in front of you. Possibly...but I'll tell you, it's pretty bad out there.
Author FitChick Posted April 6, 2012 Author Posted April 6, 2012 After all, it would be like someone saying people in the UK have green teeth, or barely wash and when they do they use carbolic soap. Who on earth would be so stupid to think that? I had never heard of carbolic soap until my British ex-boyfriend told me he used it and said "Everybody uses it. We don't need deodorant."
phineas Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 (edited) Stereotypes eh? Funny how they're always more fun when they're being aimed externally. ETA...actually the British spend a ton on plastic surgery. I haven't had any myself, but I do know two women who had boob jobs and two who had nose jobs. Ya know what? A boob job never even crossed my mind as being cosmetic surgery. I just blew my own mind. I actually know of a few women who had that done. And they LOVED showing anyone who asked. Like a guy who just tiled his first shower. LOL! There are people who have it done for free because it's covered under their health care plan. I do not know any nose job people, botox, face lifts, or lipo (things that pop into my head when plastic surgery is mentioned) Edited April 6, 2012 by phineas
DjinnAgain Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 Color me shocked! It never occurred to me that anyone thought anything against dating multiple people at a time until you find one that you mutually agree to become exclusive with... That was just what happened when I was single before. Just seemed more efficient! I had several long term relationships out of it (the kind that ended in either proposals, or -once- marriage) I probably wouldn't do it now, but mainly because I don't have that kind of time anymore, being a mom. But then, I wouldn't date anybody now I wasn't friends with ahead of time. Just too much on the plate. I've had the offers and my initial reaction is - exhausting and risky. I couldn't maintain the energy to really investigate more than one person. I am still not sure why that would be a problem for the typical, child free single person though.
RedRobin Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 I am still not sure why that would be a problem for the typical, child free single person though. Because even people who don't have children have interests and commitments to other family and existing friends that are not going to be shoved out the window so we can spend our weeknights on a dating treadmill. Plus, I share some of the other poster's belief that it isn't healthy. Even if I wanted to make the time for lots of multidating I wouldn't do it because I don't think it is the best path for building intimacy.
anne1707 Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 I had never heard of carbolic soap until my British ex-boyfriend told me he used it and said "Everybody uses it. We don't need deodorant." your boyfriend sounds like an idiot
Author FitChick Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 your boyfriend sounds like an idiot EX-boyfriend. One of those eccentric landed gentry Oxbridge types. That's how I met some of the local green-teethed (if they had teeth) country folk at the village fete.
irin Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 im living the UK i now, and there plenty of beautiful women. that Samantha women is a bit deluded. i think the British have a different sense of style to Americans. i think their idea of beauty is a little different too. in america having a bum like Jennifer Lopez is considered attractive to most in Britain pippa Middletons small derriere is admired. also with cosmetic surgery, its definitely mostly boob jobs they all seem obsessed with big boobs! but there plenty of attractive british women. i can name a few actually rosie-HW, Cheryl Cole, keira knightly, Emma Watson, and so on but the average regular women aren't very glamorous. 1
Author FitChick Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 there plenty of attractive british women. i can name a few actually rosie-HW, Cheryl Cole, keira knightly, Emma Watson, and so on but the average regular women aren't very glamorous. Celebrities don't count. It's their job to be well groomed.
anne1707 Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 (edited) EX-boyfriend. One of those eccentric landed gentry Oxbridge types. That's how I met some of the local green-teethed (if they had teeth) country folk at the village fete. Well your ex and his village are not representative of the UK population. Did he come from Royston Vasey? Edited April 7, 2012 by anne1707
Author FitChick Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 Well your ex and his village are not representative of the UK population. Did he come from Royston Vasey? They shot that TV series in Derbyshire where he grew up. Gorgeous countryside. The people, eh, not so much.
anne1707 Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 They shot that TV series in Derbyshire where he grew up. You do realise it was a comedy show, don't you? Gorgeous countryside. At last, you have said something about England which is correct The people, eh, not so much. Maybe the people you came into contact like your ex. For someone who says they love England so much, you really do have a very negative (and totally wrong) view of the English.
Author FitChick Posted April 8, 2012 Author Posted April 8, 2012 (edited) Maybe the people you came into contact like your ex. Yes, they liked him because he drank as much as they did and was happy to buy a few rounds at the pub. Yet another stereotype that rings true. I confess to being a bit shocked the first time I saw those huge six feet glass recycling bins in the countryside -- separate ones for different colored glass for the different types of booze filled to the brim every week. And this in a low population area. All that partying with the sheep... Edited April 8, 2012 by FitChick
Anela Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 The only stereotype that rings true, is spending a bit of social time at the pub - and not everyone does that. We bathe, we use deodorant, we brush our teeth, and we do all sorts of things that Americans do. We may not all look like someone off the set of Baywatch, but frankly, neither do a lot of Americans. I've also seen people talk about the "all-American" good looks of someone who was born and raised in Australia. 1
BeyondtheClouds Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 My bf multi dated at the beginning of our relationship. Ok, we weren't exclusive at that time, but a lot of information has come by me which would lead one to believe that I was for a while a lower priority. And to add insult to injury, he for a while was trying to frame her as just a friend....to continue with. I don't think they got together after we became exclusive, but they were in touch with each other and danced around getting together again. I raised the issue and told him to put an end to the friendship or I would start dating again. It only took him 2 seconds to make a decision, but still every now and again I come across something that reminds me of that period. Not good. If people are going to multi date, it be wise to keep an eye on those whom you think are even remotely long term material....as you may choosing that person after all.
Pierre Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 My bf multi dated at the beginning of our relationship. Ok, we weren't exclusive at that time, but a lot of information has come by me which would lead one to believe that I was for a while a lower priority. And to add insult to injury, he for a while was trying to frame her as just a friend....to continue with. I don't think they got together after we became exclusive, but they were in touch with each other and danced around getting together again. I raised the issue and told him to put an end to the friendship or I would start dating again. It only took him 2 seconds to make a decision, but still every now and again I come across something that reminds me of that period. Not good. If people are going to multi date, it be wise to keep an eye on those whom you think are even remotely long term material....as you may choosing that person after all. I would never date a multi-dater. They tend to lie about their activities and are at high risk for being unfaithful. 3
Emilia Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 What???? I run into women I could date on an almost daily basis. And if I am in a relationship I ran into woman I could easily date daily. At least it seems that way. I would never go on dates for the sake of dating and hoping that something would happen. I am repulsed by the idea. If i ask someone on a date is because there is some chemistry in place. This. I don't understand why people treat it as a sport and go on dates with any Tom, Dick or Harry even just to make themselves feel better or to get 'experience'. Why spend time with someone that doesn't make your pulse race faster? Why quantity over quality? The mind boggles. 1
Emilia Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 I would never date a multi-dater. They tend to lie about their activities and are at high risk for being unfaithful. or just no idea how to form healthy attachment and jump on the dating vagon 4 weeks after breaking up. Makes you wonder.
Emilia Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 I had no idea multi-dating was considered "American style dating." I can tell you that this website, LoveShack, is seen as rather weird outside the US. It took me a long time to get used to the American views on dating. In Europe we don't multi-date, it's called cheating. We start seeing someone we like and we are exclusive straight off (not talking about cheaters) because the idea is the you spend time with someone you kind of like already. Dating should not be some kind of business transaction where you are strictly measuring the return on your time and money invested - which is how American style of dating can come across sometimes. 3
LexiB Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 I can tell you that this website, LoveShack, is seen as rather weird outside the US. It took me a long time to get used to the American views on dating. In Europe we don't multi-date, it's called cheating. We start seeing someone we like and we are exclusive straight off (not talking about cheaters) because the idea is the you spend time with someone you kind of like already. Dating should not be some kind of business transaction where you are strictly measuring the return on your time and money invested - which is how American style of dating can come across sometimes. Please define "start seeing". Is this upon the first date? The second? Serious question.
Pierre Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Please define "start seeing". Is this upon the first date? The second? Serious question. Let me put to you this way: If I ever asked you for a date it means I am not dating anyone else. If I was dating someone (even if it was only one date with one pending; or if I have a first date already scheduled) then I would never ask you on a date. I only date one at a time. I would never date two or three at a time. If would feel uncomfortable and I could not give my best effort on the dates. 2
RedRobin Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Let me put to you this way: If I ever asked you for a date it means I am not dating anyone else. If I was dating someone (even if it was only one date with one pending; or if I have a first date already scheduled) then I would never ask you on a date. I only date one at a time. I would never date two or three at a time. If would feel uncomfortable and I could not give my best effort on the dates. This is my approach as well. If I agree to a date, that means I'm not dating anyone else. If someone else asks me out if I've gone on one or two dates with someone, I will not accept a date with another person. I think the word 'exclusive' is silly. I'm 'exclusive' by default. I will not go on a date with another person without coming to some kind of resolution with the person I've started dating. I expect that if a man is trying to be physical with me, he is not physical with other women simultaneously. Of course, these days, I'm compelled to pull out the Webster's Dictionary to get someone to define what 'exclusive' means to them... because I've met plenty of men who think that 'exclusive' means a) not literally having intercourse with someone else while seeing me... and they are free to do other sexual things that don't involve a condom. b) they are ok to kiss other women, but not have sex. c) they are not having any physical interaction, but they are still actively pursuing other women. d) anything they want it to mean... but that's ok, because boys will be boys.
RedRobin Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 I'm American. Born and raised. I still don't like multi-dating. 1
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