If he's not calling...

[TheFinalWord]

i'm on hiatus from relationships cause of this. i'm going for sex, but i'm searching out gals who just want sex. it's less work and a man has to have his needs met. if i meet the right gal i'll quit the just sex and have a relationship. not to hijack the thread anymore, the point is whether we communicate by phone or texts isn't a big deal.

 

Sure, I can understand your frustration. I don't think two wrongs make a right, but if that is what you want, then do that. Just like you should go for what you want, Eleanor wants a man to talk to her on the phone, so she should pursue that. To each their own

[prune juice]

Sure, I can understand your frustration. I don't think two wrongs make a right, but if that is what you want, then do that. Just like you should go for what you want, Eleanor wants a man to talk to her on the phone, so she should pursue that. To each their own

 

if talking on the phone is important enough to eleanor, i'd hope she'd answer her calls or at least return them in a timely fashion.

[Jane2011]

Hey Guys.

 

I was eyeing that book from a few years back called "hes not that into you".

 

One of the things that the book points out is that if he's not calling he's not that into you.

 

Do you guys think that in the age of smart phones, the internet and texting that still holds through?

 

Texting can be fun but I feel like it has become a curse. People do not call anymore! How do you avoid falling into the constant texting but hardly ever calling thing?

 

I would appreciate a phone call every now and then!

 

I like that book! I know one can't take it as gospel, but it was funnily written and at least took a hard line on not making excuses for people or rationalizing one's own pathetic-ness.

 

About your thread-topic, I think "texting is the new calling."

 

I don't mind if a guy just texts me most of the time, especially if we're just doing check-in's and 'thinking about you' notes. A call twice (or thrice) a week is fine, but the rest can be texts. Often I don't even have that much to say to the guy. Or I would rather save it for when we're together.

 

(Those parameters that I mention above stand if I actually see the guy in person 2 to 3 times a week. If we're long distance or something, yeah, I'd want more voice-contact.)

[SJC2008]

How often a man calls or texts given the tech era is a good sign of interest but the problem is that women (not all disclaimer) do this let him call crap and never initiate contact him. So what's the problem? Men are fing humans too and need to feel wanted just as much as the ladies do. Yeah it's our job to lead an r and take things to the next level so if you don't know how to show a man interest or make him feel wanted mabye you (not you op,you in general) don't deserve a call. Food for thought.

[threebyfate]

Totally disagree. Have you been in this situation before, interested in a guy who expresses interest in you but only texts? I've had guys try to do that with me before (and it's always guys in their 20s), and I tire of it very quickly and stop responding. It's just so lame.

 

If a guy or a gal likes someone, they're going to listen to the other person's likes and preferences and take some steps to accommodate them. The guy can't even pick up the phone to call her. That just screams lazy and lame.

Much like a girl who won't accommodate the guy who hates phone calls by being cool with texting?

 

Notice how I suggested a compromise of some kind in my previous post, rather than turning this petty little detail into WW3?

[Mr. Slim]

Women don't like it, but they'll probably have to learn to deal with it or become celibate. I don't even call my own mother back... she gets a text!

 

You think it's bad now, wait for the next generation who is growing up on texting and Twitter. My aunt told me that my cousin (13, female) sent 13,000 texts last month...

[SJC2008]

They may not like it but don't have the gall to accept a date via text when I called and then keep expecting calls when you NEVER answer your mudda fuggin phone ya know? Sheesh.

[HeartShineGirl]

Hey Guys.

 

I was eyeing that book from a few years back called "hes not that into you".

 

One of the things that the book points out is that if he's not calling he's not that into you.

 

Do you guys think that in the age of smart phones, the internet and texting that still holds through?

 

Texting can be fun but I feel like it has become a curse. People do not call anymore! How do you avoid falling into the constant texting but hardly ever calling thing?

 

I would appreciate a phone call every now and then!

 

 

I love texting, but I also think talking over the phone is important too, however both of those two things are at the bottom of my importance chain when it comes to important relationships. Those need 'in person' contact. I really believe that we need to make time for each other. Best friends should get together and spend time together, so should family members. It's really important to take time to do things and to see, touch and be with the people we care so much about. Texting can lead to laziness, in so much that it makes it very easy to fulfill our need to communicate and belong. As do online chat rooms and forums (like these) but yes... make time to be together. You can't hug a phone. Well, you can... but.... yeah... it wont hug you back.

[oaks]

Hmm. If you told him you liked being called and his response was that he doesn't like talking on the phone, I don't believe he's that interested. Guys who are interested will do things they don't particularly love to make a girl happy.

 

Wise words from Daphne.

[oaks]

I would appreciate a phone call every now and then!

 

I'll call you... what's your number?

[eleanorhurting]

Sry its a general scenario that can occur if you're willing to dismiss various faults.

 

 

well it would be great if you would not quote me doing/saying things i have not done or said.

[eleanorhurting]

Update:

 

Last night he called me and asked me to meet him. We talked and he said he understood why I would feel that he was not interested but that he really is and that if phone calls are important to me then he will definitely make it a point to call more often although he still prefers to text and doesn't even call his mom.

 

I also used the moment to talk about other things that I feel that are important to me if our situation were to progress to a relationship.

 

Maybe it was too soon but we talked about what was going on between us. We are definitely dating but taking it slow. But at the same time he told me he is absolutely not seeing anyone else and I am not seeing anyone else or have the interest in seeing anyone else.

 

We also talked about how I am a little skeptic about the whole thing because he had originally told me that although he liked me he did not want a relationship at the moment. He said he understood but that he said that because he was scared and that he later realized that he really liked me and would be stupid not to pursue things with me and that he hopes that his actions now will matter more than what he said a month ago.

 

Anyways, hopefully he will actually keep his word and call! Actions definitely matter more than words!

[eleanorhurting]

Uh oh I just lost my LS wife. Things sound like they are progressing. You don't sound happy yet though.

 

I thought we were still engaged!

 

Yeah Im just really skeptical about it. Don't want to get played.

[salparadise]

Hmm. If you told him you liked being called and his response was that he doesn't like talking on the phone, I don't believe he's that interested. Guys who are interested will do things they don't particularly love to make a girl happy. Not always, but in my experience very often. If you're afraid of rocking the boat now on an occasional phone call, what other needs are you willing to dismiss to be with a guy?

 

Bingo! I generally don't like talking on the phone very much and most calls to friends and people I do business with are short and to the point. But with my gf it's a different thing altogether. We texted quite a bit in the first few weeks but eventually trickled down to a couple of texts per day––and those are mostly to arrange a time to talk. It's a long-distance relationship and I honestly don't know how we'd sustain if it weren't for talking on the phone. We talk every night unless there are unusual circumstances. Conversations are typically between 30 min. and two hours. We relate and comfort each other through the sharing of our voices. Not that their is any distrust, but it's also reassuring on multiple levels to know that we both reserve and look forward to the late evening hours to talk. I say cut way back on texting and insist on talking often. Perhaps it's a generational thing, but I think it's more a maturity thing.

[Negative Nancy]

First world problems...

 

Is this really such a big deal? You prefer a phone conversation and he prefers text. Isn't there any middle ground or will you create an unnecessary battleground/power struggle?

 

I can't believe I'm saying this , but I agree.

[veggirl]

I'm glad he said he will call since it is important to you. That's cool

 

So you have been dating a month without "the talk" really, how long are you okay with dating exclusively but not calling it a relationship?

[EasyHeart]

Guys who are interested will do things they don't particularly love to make a girl happy. Not always, but in my experience very often.

This. We're pretty much little puppy dogs wagging our tails and following you around for the first few months.

 

First world problems...

 

Is this really such a big deal? You prefer a phone conversation and he prefers text. Isn't there any middle ground or will you create an unnecessary battleground/power struggle?

So you're saying. . . voicemail?

[eleanorhurting]

I'm glad he said he will call since it is important to you. That's cool

 

So you have been dating a month without "the talk" really, how long are you okay with dating exclusively but not calling it a relationship?

 

 

We haven't really been "dating". I think we have only gone officially on like 3 or 4 dates and we only kissed for the first time this week.

 

We have known each other for 3 years but didn't really become good friends until maybe January and we started hanging out regularly in groups in February because before that we were not in the same town doing our rotations. About a month or maybe a bit more ago things started getting flirty and it was obvious that there was an attraction. We went on a date and when we talked about it he said he was not actively looking for a relationship but that he knew me and he knew I was.

 

So after that, I pulled away and would only talk to him when I needed to and would hang out only in groups. That only lasted about a week when one day we were all in a group and he told me that he really liked me and that he would be stupid not to do anything and he asked me out formally.

 

However, I decided to go to my parents place all last week that I had off to study for a big test I had and once again we were not in the same place physically. We would talk regularly through text and email.

 

Then this week we were both off for spring break (I know lucky me this is the firs time in my academic career I have had two whole weeks off even if I have to study) and he drove to where I am staying (at my parents house) and we have finally been able to spend time together in person.

 

He actually used the term girlfriend yesterday as if it is something that he sees in the near future but that is way too soon for me. I would say 2 months of exclusive dating are good for me before deciding to formalize a relationship. More than 3-4 months is dragging it a bit i think. We'll see.

 

In have some reservations about whether this is a good idea or not so we have been keeping it on the down low but the truth is this is the first person i have liked and felt good with 100% since I have been single so I guess some changes are worth taking... with caution.

[eleanorhurting]

I have to add he is very inexperienced.

 

He has only had 1 girlfriend in his entire life and I am the 2nd girl he has kissed. He is 26 and I am 25.

 

He was chubby borderline fat and a computer science major in college. Maybe that had something to do with it. Girls can be so shallow

[eleanorhurting]

I hate talking on the phone too....hate it hate it hate it. I hate phones in general and all I have is a stupid cell I keep in my car and I don't even want that. Text, email ect ect is just "the thing to do" these days, easy, free and convenient, not to mention fast. It seems like it is all anyone does anymore and actual voice calls are getting rare.

 

I get that he hates talking on the phone, many hate it and I wouldn't stress over this. Just say you'd like to hear his voice sometimes, but don't push it....don't look "needy"

 

Relaxx and have a nice weekend....perhaps go for a nice trail hike with him....

 

no hike. He left and I am swamped with school work. But I am pretty sure we are going to see each other next week.

[eleanorhurting]

Well so far he is keeping his promise.

 

Last night he called me and we talked for 13 whole minutes!!!! Without awkward pauses or other things that people who dont like the phone fear

 

I couldn't believe it