january2011 Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 How do you avoid falling into the constant texting but hardly ever calling thing? By finding a guy who hates texting and prefers to call.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 A women can go after what she wants well it works both ways as much as youd all like to sit back like princesses while the guy stresses over wheter you like him or not When did i say this? Sry its a general scenario that can occur if you're willing to dismiss various faults.
Yookie Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 I'm just waiting for the moment when she calls him, he doesn't pick up, and seconds later, he texts her, "What's up?" :laugh: This!!! They tend to do this when their real girlfriend/wife is in the same room at the time. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 First world problems... Is this really such a big deal? You prefer a phone conversation and he prefers text. Isn't there any middle ground or will you create an unnecessary battleground/power struggle? Totally disagree. Have you been in this situation before, interested in a guy who expresses interest in you but only texts? I've had guys try to do that with me before (and it's always guys in their 20s), and I tire of it very quickly and stop responding. It's just so lame. If a guy or a gal likes someone, they're going to listen to the other person's likes and preferences and take some steps to accommodate them. The guy can't even pick up the phone to call her. That just screams lazy and lame.
Kamille Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 We were friends before we sort of started liking each other and as friends we used to text/email/gchat/facebook but I thought that would change now that he has shown romantic interest. Why would you assume this would change? If this is consistent with his past communication patterns, I don't see a problem. If you want the habits to change, you will have to tell him so. Right now, it sounds like you want him to read your mind.
Content Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 In this day and age it is still imperative for a man to be a man not emasculate him. The op has been receptive and even asked him to call her. His indifferencetowards a more personal way of communication is the problem.and from the sounds of things it seems like he hasn't even asked her out. How is calling a guy emasculating him? I swear women overanalyze the **** out of stupid things too much and some of you wonder why yoiu cant get out of your own way in the dating world 1
xpaperxcutx Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 How is calling a guy emasculating him? I swear women overanalyze the **** out of stupid things too much and some of you wonder why yoiu cant get out of your own way in the dating world Chasing after a guy is emasculating him. Would you really want a girl to constantly call you in hopes of asking you out? You'll provably feel flattered but the ultimate reality of things is that you won't date her.
kaylan Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 ^Um no...its not emasculating...its flattering, especially if guys dig the girl. What are you talking about? Guys would definitely date a girl who initiates a hang out, provided he liked her to begin with. If the girl is constantly calling me, thats a whole different thing. No one wants to be contacted constantly. Thats clingy and a turn off. Simply chatting here or there and proposing a hang out is just fine though. I find assertive women attractive, personally. 1
Sith Apprentice Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 Are you actually reciprocating by returning his calls and messages? One thing that always cracked me up about women from my past is they would approach me or ask my friends why I stopped calling. I STOPPED CALLING BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T CALL ME BACK AFTER I LEFT 2 MESSAGES MORON! 1
USMCHokie Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 Are you actually reciprocating by returning his calls and messages? One thing that always cracked me up about women from my past is they would approach me or ask my friends why I stopped calling. I STOPPED CALLING BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T CALL ME BACK AFTER I LEFT 2 MESSAGES MORON! Wow, you actually left them TWO messages?!?!? :eek: One is all I have the patience for... 2
veggirl Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 he told me he does not like talking on the phone. i am not sure what to say. i dont want to cause drama or force/rush things when we have just started trying to be more than friends LAME. I hate the "I don't like talking on the phone" thing. Even my BF who probably thinks that (but has never said it) called me after getting my #. I mean I can see defaulting to texting if its his preference, but if you tell him you'd like him to call and he won't...blah! I'm just waiting for the moment when she calls him, he doesn't pick up, and seconds later, he texts her, "What's up?" :laugh: This is soo soo soo what will happen.
Sith Apprentice Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 I tend to believe that hearing the persons voice holds a ton of value. Texting - they can text a million times and still never ask you out! That sucks - way to waste time and energy! Call!!!!! I want to hear your voice and see your face! I was in this situation recently with a woman. I'd call and leave a message. She would only respond back with text messages. Needless to say, I'm not speaking to her any longer.
Sith Apprentice Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 Wow, you actually left them TWO messages?!?!? :eek: One is all I have the patience for... I'll leave between 1-2 messages depending on the situation, but definitely don't leave more than 2 unless you wanna look like a total chump. 1
mixwell Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 I haven't followed all of the posts but from what I read from your post if you're not getting call backs or txt you should take it as a clear sign that he's not into you. A person who's interested in you would make it a point to keep in touch and if not it should be a clear sign of actions speak louder than words. You need to take it at face value for what it is IMO..
SJC2008 Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 Good points on both ends but here we go. OP was great in COMMUNICATING the want for actual calls instead of texts. So if you communicate the want and he doesn't do it then it's the title of the book. However, in my last situation the woman I dated HARDLY EVER answered her phone. I left her messages saying "Hey Let's get together tomorrow at x at x time" and SHE texted back sounds good!. So I got text dependant with her, and even resulted asking her out via text. Now if she would of preferred me to call her I'd of never known as she seemed text heavy so I hope she thinks I wasn't interested because of that and if it was that's sad becasue one stupid thing like that ruined a potentially great thing in my book. I'm so sick and tired how two ships can easily pass in the night early on in dating thus ruining things when a little communication does the trick.
SJC2008 Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 Think about how stupid that would be. I got her on the phone 2 out of five times and they were at times where I was pretty sure I could get her. That's 20% and she texted me back accepting a date. Don't behave one way and expect the opposite. I have a strong feeling she was doing this don't be to available and never call him crap and she cracked me. Such is life but it goes both ways. She's probably sitting there "Why doesn't he call" and googles it and one of the million sites she pulls up said because he's not intersted lol! At the same time I'm like "3 dates in and she can't drop a hi text?". What happend to actually liking someone and dating? Stuff like this makes me want to puke. Sorry not trying to pity party but it's relevant IMO.
TheFinalWord Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 Golden rule of dating: You see the very best of the other person at the beginning. This is his best. Do you like what you're seeing? It won't get any better! That's why if you don't like things you are seeing right off the bat, it's better to decide where you see this heading before you get wrapped up emotionally and it becomes harder to think logically. Just my personal opinion, a man should call! If he considers you a prize he's gonna go out of his way to ensure he makes it to the top of your "guy I want" list. Any guy with common sense knows this means talking to you on the phone. he told me he does not like talking on the phone. i am not sure what to say. i dont want to cause drama or force/rush things when we have just started trying to be more than friends Okay, right here is where you absolutely should say something. Don't bury your feelings. Addressing this right now will give you insight into how good you two will solve conflicts/problems in the future. You have full right to express your opinion. We talked about passive/aggressive communication before You have full right to be assertive with your opinions. Assertive communication expresses your rights, feelings, and opinions without any disrespect. If this is a man to give your time and potentially your heart to, he will absolutely respect your opinion. If he's a good man for you to get in a relationship with he will absolutely see your point that phone conversations (not just about technology problems; you're not his business partner!!) are necessary. Relationships should be fun! Don't you want a guy you can talk to just for fun?! I think you do And if he's good bf material he SHOULD want that too! Not trying to tell you what to do, but you're a good woman and I won't let a guy mistreat you or take you for granted! haha well as much as I can over the internet.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 (edited) See I'm not keen onpeopled who rely on texts if their phone is their livelihood they wouldn't rely on texting to talk to their superiors. I still say texting is laziness unless they'rey best friend who relies on a monthly ptepaid plan. I'm not saying one gender as both male and female are capable of doing this. But of they happen to constantly communicate using text even when u have tried calling them, it gives you an incentive to relegate them to backburnn status. My boyfriend is very busy and there have occasions where I can call and text him and he'll get back to me hours lter. He almost always replies unless he's too tired and more often then not he CALLS. There is no rule to calling its how the other prson responds that tells you where their interests lie. Edited April 5, 2012 by xpaperxcutx
prune juice Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 Are you actually reciprocating by returning his calls and messages? One thing that always cracked me up about women from my past is they would approach me or ask my friends why I stopped calling. I STOPPED CALLING BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T CALL ME BACK AFTER I LEFT 2 MESSAGES MORON! gals tell guys call me call me call me but when the guy calls she isn't there. if gals want guys to call they should answer the damn phone. i personally prefer texts so i don't have to put up with this nonsense.
prune juice Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 Golden rule of dating: You see the very best of the other person at the beginning. This is his best. Do you like what you're seeing? It won't get any better! That's why if you don't like things you are seeing right off the bat, it's better to decide where you see this heading before you get wrapped up emotionally and it becomes harder to think logically. Just my personal opinion, a man should call! If he considers you a prize he's gonna go out of his way to ensure he makes it to the top of your "guy I want" list. Any guy with common sense knows this means talking to you on the phone. Okay, right here is where you absolutely should say something. Don't bury your feelings. Addressing this right now will give you insight into how good you two will solve conflicts/problems in the future. You have full right to express your opinion. We talked about passive/aggressive communication before You have full right to be assertive with your opinions. Assertive communication expresses your rights, feelings, and opinions without any disrespect. If this is a man to give your time and potentially your heart to, he will absolutely respect your opinion. If he's a good man for you to get in a relationship with he will absolutely see your point that phone conversations (not just about technology problems; you're not his business partner!!) are necessary. Relationships should be fun! Don't you want a guy you can talk to just for fun?! I think you do And if he's good bf material he SHOULD want that too! Not trying to tell you what to do, but you're a good woman and I won't let a guy mistreat you or take you for granted! haha well as much as I can over the internet. you see her putting on a show at the beginning. this facade is often worse than her everyday self. its a facade.
TheFinalWord Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 you see her putting on a show at the beginning. this facade is often worse than her everyday self. its a facade. Are you talking about Eleanor? Not sure what you mean. Everyone puts their best foot forward at first. That's why I was saying you are seeing someone at the best at the beginning. If you don't like it at the beginning it's probably good to consider if it's worth investing in. The exception to the rule is if you can talk to the person and they work with you to overcome obstacles. That's why having an issue right at the beginning is actually good. You can see at the beginning how the person handles issues and solves problems. If this guy won't accept her opinion or blows her off, then she'll know straight up, this guy isn't for me.
prune juice Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 Are you talking about Eleanor? Not sure what you mean. Everyone puts their best foot forward at first. That's why I was saying you are seeing someone at the best at the beginning. If you don't like it at the beginning it's probably good to consider if it's worth investing in. The exception to the rule is if you can talk to the person and they work with you to overcome obstacles. That's why having an issue right at the beginning is actually good. You can see at the beginning how the person handles issues and solves problems. If this guy won't accept her opinion or blows her off, then she'll know straight up, this guy isn't for me. no way. more than half the gals i dated insisted on doing this mating dance at first. answer every third call, play games, give me drama, overdress. i don't want all of that. they can't be themselves. is that too much to ask? it's a facade. the more i treated them like a human being the worse i did. the worst part of this mating dance is when they tell me they don't want sex, yet secretly want me to ask for sex. makes my head spin in circles 1
TheFinalWord Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 no way. more than half the gals i dated insisted on doing this mating dance at first. answer every third call, play games, give me drama, overdress. i don't want all of that. they can't be themselves. is that too much to ask? it's a facade. the more i treated them like a human being the worse i did. the worst part of this mating dance is when they tell me they don't want sex, yet secretly want me to ask for sex. makes my head spin in circles Well, I don't want to hijack the thread haha sounds like you could start a new one. You should get some interesting responses b/c I think a lot of men (and women) feel that way. I personally think these people did you a favor b/c by acting like this they have shown themselves to be girls NOT women. If you are actually wanting a relationship, you want a woman not a girl who plays games. Yes, there is a process in relationship development, but it sounds like you believe you are treating them with utmost respect. A woman who doesn't appreciate that has done you a favor by blowing you off. You can now stop wasting time and invest it in women who do want more than drama. If you are constancy running into these types of females then it could be the places you are trying to meet them or the type you are going for.
SJC2008 Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 no way. more than half the gals i dated insisted on doing this mating dance at first. answer every third call, play games, give me drama, overdress. i don't want all of that. they can't be themselves. is that too much to ask? it's a facade. the more i treated them like a human being the worse i did. the worst part of this mating dance is when they tell me they don't want sex, yet secretly want me to ask for sex. makes my head spin in circles Yeah it's rediculous with this phone crap. Trying not to look "too available" by not answering or replying to calls to make us wonder about her. Yeah sure I'm like "Wow this woman must have an amazing life because she is sooo busy" or "Wow I hope I can fit into her busy schedule". To me it's games or lack of interest, neither of which I need. They want to be courted a certain way and that's that. Some of them will die never having been proposed to because we can't read their minds. 1
prune juice Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 Well, I don't want to hijack the thread haha sounds like you could start a new one. You should get some interesting responses b/c I think a lot of men (and women) feel that way. I personally think these people did you a favor b/c by acting like this they have shown themselves to be girls NOT women. If you are actually wanting a relationship, you want a woman not a girl who plays games. Yes, there is a process in relationship development, but it sounds like you believe you are treating them with utmost respect. A woman who doesn't appreciate that has done you a favor by blowing you off. You can now stop wasting time and invest it in women who do want more than drama. If you are constancy running into these types of females then it could be the places you are trying to meet them or the type you are going for. i'm on hiatus from relationships cause of this. i'm going for sex, but i'm searching out gals who just want sex. it's less work and a man has to have his needs met. if i meet the right gal i'll quit the just sex and have a relationship. not to hijack the thread anymore, the point is whether we communicate by phone or texts isn't a big deal.
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