dotty3168 Posted June 16, 2004 Posted June 16, 2004 I'm a widow of three yrs which is heartbreaking enough. I decided to date and finally met someone I realy liked. He seemed to really like me. He told me he was separated and thought divorce would go through soon. We went out for several weeks and he acted like he was really really interested. We ended sleeping together several times even though I told him I wanted to go slow.I just really felt good with him and he made me laugh. Well things started going very wrong with his divorce and all of a sudden he said it was bad timing and he would try to keep in touch but everything was going wrong with his divorce and he didn't think it would be fair to me. I im'ed him quite a few times, mainly encouragment but sometimes you could tell I was hurt. See we had gotten together because he said he wanted a friend and so did I. Don't even know if he read them. I heard the divorce is still going on and its been 7months and no word. Even though they say getting close to end. My question is - I'm moving on but wonder if my im's may have ruined things, or if it was just a rebound, or if maybe there is a posibility I'll hear from him again. Really hurt. He liked all the same things and made me laugh. Hard to find in middle age. He didn't seem like a player but boy he sure came after me and then gone. Maybe I just need to bow out of this dating thing, really down. Please help.
uriel Posted June 16, 2004 Posted June 16, 2004 Dotty, Nothing wrong with you or how you acted here. You were looking for a genuine connection. This guy, in the midst of separation and divorce, was looking for a good time. When it came time for him to commit (sensing that's what you wanted) he backed out. Usually, this early dating period (first 3-6 months on average) is about testing compatibility. After that, a decision point comes (sometimes later than others). It's make or break time. Each person involved has to decide whether the other person is real relationship material or whether they are themselves interested in a longterm thing at the moment. Dating doesn't mean engagement -- don't expect too much from it (even if you do sleep together; that's common anymore). Here, I think this guy really did like you. He wasn't interested in another longterm relationship so soon. Maybe he never will be -- who knows? You shouldn't see this as a judgment against you or the possibility of finding someone. He obviously thinks you're a great lady and a sexy one too. Just take it as a lesson not to date men who are separated or newly divorced, since most of them aren't ready for anything new longterm. You should also ask some more questions in the forming relationship stages, to see if you want the same things. Consider seeing more than one man, too. Nothing like getting wined and dined to keep you smiling and aware that you've options. Sorry this was a disappointment. You're interested in finding a new partner. You need to find someone who feels the same about that -- or at least is open to the possibility. But, in the meantime, please don't give in to the desperation that you are middle-aged and so have a shrunken pool of possible mates. That desperation may lead you to attach sooner than is wise and to the wrong guy. Instead, make a great life for yourself, enjoy yourself, and see what happens. -- uriel
Author dotty3168 Posted June 16, 2004 Author Posted June 16, 2004 Thank you Uriel, no your right. Makes alot of sense. Feel better too.
wildturkey Posted August 3, 2004 Posted August 3, 2004 Dating may be new but has not changed. Find yourself a person who is emotionally stable. Write down what you do not want and as soon as you identify it in the next person you date. Talk about it and observe the response. You will see that sincerity will be beautiful when displayed. People with personal agendas will make mistakes and go away. Because ther was nothing there for them.
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