A year out : update. I did it, you can do it too !!

[Karala]

Hi all. I used to be on this board all the time a while ago. I just wanted to tell you I just got engaged to a wonderful man that makes me incredibly happy. Believe me, this would have seemed like pure science-fiction less than a year back. I was one of those people who thought they would never recover. This is where I was last summer if you're interested. When I had to let my ex go, I locked up for a month at my parents' place. He was litteraly ALL I thought about every hour of the day for about 6 months. Oh the misery. Well guess what, I'm over it today and so happy and grateful that he freed me to find someone who does make me happy, which he could never do. I know I'm not 100% cured because I know that if I bumped into him on the street I'd be far from indifferent. But I hope I get there eventually. I've been broken up 1 year and 10 months NC. Believe me, NC does help to get some perspective on things, and you will probably find out the breakup is for the better. I seriously went through hell, and I found my way out. If I did it you can do it too !!

[Nohbody]

Great to see that you are doing so much better Karala!

[CopingGal]

Hi all. I used to be on this board all the time a while ago. I just wanted to tell you I just got engaged to a wonderful man that makes me incredibly happy. Believe me, this would have seemed like pure science-fiction less than a year back. I was one of those people who thought they would never recover. This is where I was last summer if you're interested. When I had to let my ex go, I locked up for a month at my parents' place. He was litteraly ALL I thought about every hour of the day for about 6 months. Oh the misery. Well guess what, I'm over it today and so happy and grateful that he freed me to find someone who does make me happy, which he could never do. I know I'm not 100% cured because I know that if I bumped into him on the street I'd be far from indifferent. But I hope I get there eventually. I've been broken up 1 year and 10 months NC. Believe me, NC does help to get some perspective on things, and you will probably find out the breakup is for the better. I seriously went through hell, and I found my way out. If I did it you can do it too !!

 

Okay...first of all, I am happy for you, that you are doing so much better. Please don't anyone hate me for asking this questions, but I feel that it must be asked. You said you are not 100% over your ex. If that is the case, why did you get engaged to someone else?

[nature]

The first thing that crossed my mind was what CopingGal said. Sorry, but it just sounds very much like a rebound relationship and I worry that you jumped into something else too quickly before entirely recovering from your ex. I'm sure it feels amazing and happy in the honeymoon stage of a new relationship right now, but just make sure you are not masking your pain for your ex by throwing all your emotion into a new relationship so quickly. I've seen those types of relationships burn out hard and fast. Go slow!

[Karala]

Ok guess I should clarify... When I said I'm not 100% cured I meant that I still feel a variety of bitter/resentful feelings (about the way my ex treated me, about the wasted time etc.), NOT that I still have feelings for him or ever hope to reconnect with him. 6 months out of a breakup is not a rebound relationship lol. I should add that me and my guy are both in our thirties, sometimes things can go quite fast when you have a clear vision of what you want which is quite often the case as you get older ; also, we'd known each other for years as friends prior to beginning a relationship. I feel a bit sad that I have to justify my new relationship but well. I know I need to work on releasing my anger/bitterness about failed relationship (this last one, and even more so the one before from almost 10 years ago !) but I don't think I should stop myself from leaving in the meantime. (I just re-read my post and realized I made the greatest slip-up here: I meant to write "living") Anyway, thanks for pointing that out but I really don't think there's'anything to worry about. I don't go into relationships lightly (this is my 3rd relationship ever at 31) and I love my fiance to pieces and really feel like I found the one person I want to settle down with. Yes, it can be done a year out of a bad breakup, you don't have to wait years.

 

Mm, maybe also my signature gives the wrong idea, but this is something I wrote a year ago when I was fresh out of it and it doesn't really convey my current state of mind.

Relieved yet ?

 

Nohbody : so glad that you remember me, I definitely remember you too ! Isn't it completely weird and twisted that I miss even a tiny part of last year's'ordeal, the part about spending time on this board, talking to people and getting to know them, cheering each other on and all that... Everybody on LoveShack has helped me so much. How are you doing these days Nohbody ?

[NailBiter]

Good for you. I hope everything works out and you live happily ever after.

[Nohbody]

Karala,

 

I'm living my life - and I'm happy to be doing it. Thank for all of your support during that dark year. We all deserve happiness (or not as it were), and I'm glad to see you are where you are.