verhrzn Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 Ugly people are probably with their SO's getting laid . That sounds mean now that I've typed it out...... Then maybe they're not really ugly; they have desirable traits. Maybe the truly ugly people are the ones who can't get significant others.
tman666 Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 You can't make people attracted to you. They are either or they aren't. But that doesn't mean I have to sit back and listen to yet another Rainbows-and-Unicorns message that "everyone is beautiful!" Some people aren't, and it sucks when we're told we just "don't get it." It denies our experience, and it denies our pain. Haha I don't blame you there. The Rainbows and Unicorns approach is rarely helpful to anyone. I also agree you can't make an individual attracted to you. What I'm asking is why an unattractive person shouldn't strive to improve their attractiveness IF they don't like being unattractive? If my education level limits my job choices, what's the logical next step? Pursue more education! If my house is too small to comfortably house my family, what's the logical next step? What I'm trying to point out are the cause and effect relationships that many things in life exhibit. The answer might not be a clear cut path (most things aren't, in my experience), but sitting back and doing nothing while continuing to gripe about a crummy situation doesn't get anyone anywhere. The only acceptable reason that I can see for a person not doing anything to change their situation is if they are happy with the status quo.
GoodOnPaper Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 In the end, it doesn't matter how you look or if you measure up to the world's cookie cutter ideas of attraction, there are still plenty of people that will be attracted to you. For some of us, this is just too huge of a leap of faith to accept unless we experience evidence to the contrary -- how can we turn our attitude around in the absence of that evidence?
ThaWholigan Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 Then maybe they're not really ugly; they have desirable traits. Maybe the truly ugly people are the ones who can't get significant others. Trust me. Some UGLY ASS PEOPLE are in relationships or are at the very least having sex. I'm a pretty mother****er and I've only cupped one breast . I'm not going to attempt to convince you of anything, you choose to believe what you believe, and you allow your experiences to validate that. That isn't really your fault, but it's still sad
Kamille Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 For some of us, this is just too huge of a leap of faith to accept unless we experience evidence to the contrary -- how can we turn our attitude around in the absence of that evidence? Leap of faith to what? What's the worst thing that'll happen if you change your frame of mind about this?
verhrzn Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 Haha I don't blame you there. The Rainbows and Unicorns approach is rarely helpful to anyone. I also agree you can't make an individual attracted to you. What I'm asking is why an unattractive person shouldn't strive to improve their attractiveness IF they don't like being unattractive? If my education level limits my job choices, what's the logical next step? Pursue more education! If my house is too small to comfortably house my family, what's the logical next step? What I'm trying to point out are the cause and effect relationships that many things in life exhibit. The answer might not be a clear cut path (most things aren't, in my experience), but sitting back and doing nothing while continuing to gripe about a crummy situation doesn't get anyone anywhere. The only acceptable reason that I can see for a person not doing anything to change their situation is if they are happy with the status quo. And if you already wear make-up, try to wear decent clothes, exercise, do your hair, etc. and still can't improve your attractiveness? What's next... surgery? And what if you can't afford it? Then what?
somedude81 Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 See above advice, replace expression "say in threads" by "look like in porn". Hey, I've been into large breasts long before I knew about porn. 1
GoodOnPaper Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 Leap of faith to what? What's the worst thing that'll happen if you change your frame of mind about this? Believing that you are attractive when all of your experience with the opposite sex indicates otherwise just doesn't make sense. Yet, letting ourselves spiral down into depression doesn't help things either. So those of us with this issue need to try and adopt a more positive mindset -- but on what basis?
tman666 Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 And if you already wear make-up, try to wear decent clothes, exercise, do your hair, etc. and still can't improve your attractiveness? What's next... surgery? And what if you can't afford it? Then what? These are all physical traits... Why leave out the social graces, such as attractive skills and personality traits? I know a couple of women who are overweight who have no problem getting male attention. How? They are classy and are fun to be around. Don't underestimate social adeptness. If a person gets in the mindset that they have nothing to improve upon, then they're dead in the water. 2
Kamille Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 Believing that you are attractive when all of your experience with the opposite sex indicates otherwise just doesn't make sense. Yet, letting ourselves spiral down into depression doesn't help things either. So those of us with this issue need to try and adopt a more positive mindset -- but on what basis? On the basis that just because one person doesn't find you attractive doesn't mean everyone will feel the same? BTW, I should know. In the game of love, I've won some and I've lost some. The only difference between some of you guys and me is that I'm not afraid to take a fall. One guy not feeling it for me doesn't mean no guy will ever feel it for me.
tman666 Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 So those of us with this issue need to try and adopt a more positive mindset -- but on what basis? In my opinion, this is where role models come in handy - finding (better yet, hanging out with) people who have encountered, yet overcame, shortcomings similar to one's own.
GoodOnPaper Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 On the basis that just because one person doesn't find you attractive doesn't mean everyone will feel the same? So if I flip a coin 1000 times and it comes up heads every time, won't that affect my level of enthusiasm about the possibility of the coin coming up tails on the 1001st flip?
verhrzn Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 On the basis that just because one person doesn't find you attractive doesn't mean everyone will feel the same? BTW, I should know. In the game of love, I've won some and I've lost some. The only difference between some of you guys and me is that I'm not afraid to take a fall. One guy not feeling it for me doesn't mean no guy will ever feel it for me. And what if you fall over, and over and over again? At what point do you stand up and say "Ya know, maybe I'm just not built to ride horses." Isn't the definition of insanity doing the same things over and over and expecting different results? I've gone into relationships thinking the guy liked me and was attracted to me, and been wrong every time. It gets old, to be wrong constantly.
mesmerized Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 So if I flip a coin 1000 times and it comes up heads every time, won't that affect my level of enthusiasm about the possibility of the coin coming up tails on the 1001st flip? The question is...do you have any other choice?? If you think being with someone is better than being alone you have to try, possibly as many tries as it takes. It sucks but it's the way it is.
tman666 Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 Oh man I love tall girls they drive me wild with sexual fury I agree short girls can be leggy. Preach it, brother bear! 1
Kamille Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 So if I flip a coin 1000 times and it comes up heads every time, won't that affect my level of enthusiasm about the possibility of the coin coming up tails on the 1001st flip? How often have you flipped the coin GOP? And there are ways to play without going all in. I've gone into relationships thinking the guy liked me and was attracted to me, and been wrong every time. It gets old, to be wrong constantly. I suspect I don't internalize the ending of my relationships the same way you do. Might you see the end of your relationships as confirmation of your own biases against yourself?
verhrzn Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 The question is...do you have any other choice?? If you think being with someone is better than being alone you have to try, possibly as many tries as it takes. It sucks but it's the way it is. Or give up. I'll figure out how one of these days. I suspect I don't internalize the ending of my relationships the same way you do. Might you see the end of your relationships as confirmation of your own biases against yourself? I didn't internalize it. They told me, directly. So while it did confirm my bias, it also BUILT my bias. I thought I was ugly in high school but actually didn't spend too much time dwelling on it (SHOCKING, I know.) It wasn't until the 2nd bf dumped me for my looks that I started the downward spiral of where I am today.
AD1980 Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 I dont have the stomach to get rejected by hundreds of women in hope of one saying yes and if its a wrong number or a date that goes no where rinse wash repeat a few hundred more hoping another one says yes..
ThaWholigan Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 Oh man I love tall girls they drive me wild with sexual fury I agree short girls can be leggy. I've met leggy short girls, yes I tell you though, I think tall girls are amazingly gorgeous. I remember attempting to dry-hump a 5 foot 11 girl at a party back in 09 . They are the best, especially because I don't have to bend down to kiss them. I met a sexy athlete very briefly at one of my dad's plays. She was 6 foot 5, but she was sexy.
Kamille Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 I didn't internalize it. They told me, directly. So while it did confirm my bias, it also BUILT my bias. I thought I was ugly in high school but actually didn't spend too much time dwelling on it (SHOCKING, I know.) It wasn't until the 2nd bf dumped me for my looks that I started the downward spiral of where I am today. I feel like I should know this story. I wasn't on LS much this winter so bear with me. What happened? How did you meet, who initiated, how long did the relationship last? Did he maintain he didn't find you attractive throughout the relationship or is that something he said at the end?
ThaWholigan Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 I love 5'11 girls! never met a 6'5 girl but that might be too much actualy... but if she looked hot at that tall I'd be really turned on. Have her where heels when we went out too. as far as short girls... some are all legs so they can actualy have as much leg as a tall girl. I don't really like it when they have the short little stubby legs and are mostly all waist.. Oh yes I agree, I've met some real leggy girls who were only like 5 foot 2/3. I saw a girl on the bus today, not only was she short, but she had short legs too . She was cute though. Every 5 foot 11 girl I seem to meet these days is hot. I think that's Gods way of saying I must date tall girls.
ThaWholigan Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 *wishes she was tall* Why? Short girls are very hot too I had a major major crush on a girl for the best part of 5 years, and she can't have been more than 5 foot 3. Having said that, there were other things I liked about her. I especially loved her crazy, curly hair 1
Kamille Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 Why? Short girls are very hot too I had a major major crush on a girl for the best part of 5 years, and she can't have been more than 5 foot 3. Having said that, there were other things I liked about her. I especially loved her crazy, curly hair What? It sounds like you're saying men are attracted to all kinds women? What a radical idea! 1
somedude81 Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 What? It sounds like you're saying men are attracted to all kinds women? What a radical idea! If only the opposite were true. 1
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