JengleBells83 Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 This guy and I were really good friends for 2 years before we started dating last summer- he had pursued me for a year and practically begged me to be his girlfriend..well last April things really started to click and we fell for eachother hard. He went on and on to his friends about how absolutely crazy he was about me...We had pretty much everything in common and were totally in sync with eachother. We had dated for 3 months and, at the time, even he described it as the "best relationship he has ever had". and it was. Things were awesome, and we were talking about getting married and moving to the same city together. August brought a lot of troubles in my life- my grandfather whom I was very close to passed away, and the guy I was dating lived 2 hours away and I was experiencing hormonal rollercoasters. I took my frustation and my craziness out on this guy for about a week or 2. He said that it hurt him badly. He then proceded to call me, cry for 2 hours on the phone...and was hesistant, but decided that we needed a "break" and he'd call me soon when he was feeling better. He never called. As a matter of fact, he began dating a girl who is 12 years younger than him, 7 days later. He is 31, she is 19. I am 28. Anyways, he worked with this girl, and he knew she had a mongo crush on him. He had mentioned it once, but never spoke about her again. I'm don't think he cheated on me, because he doesn't seem like that type of person, but rather I think she was comforting him, and he went with it. who knows. We went back and forth for awhile after the breakup, pretty much arguing, and one night I got drunk and sent him a slightly nasty message after he had went on and on about his new girlfriend on facebook, and I lost it. He blocked me and that was it. I sincerely apologized, but really got no response. About a month later, he found out that I was at a bar, and he showed up there- totally ignoring me. A month after that, we ended up at the same bar again, and I tried to confront him, and he just ignored me, and wrote some things on his facebook about "get over it exes, you earned that ex" stuff like that. Then out of the blue he texts me, "when I see you, you are just another person on the street". Basically, he just never apologized, never felt any remorse (or so it seems), and even dropped our mutual very good friend, who introduced him and I. The last time I saw him, he basically just acted like he didn't even know me, but walked by my table several times and I didn't say anything to him. About 2 weeks ago (after no contact for 3 months), I texted him and asked him how DJing was going...about a minute later he responded "decent"..and then I asked him another question- just basic one word responses, right away. I decided to just go for it and say "hey i know things ended between us ****ty, but we were friends and i was hoping to call a truce. sorry". No response. Basically, what it boils down to, is that I think I would feel a lot better about this whole situation had I gotten some closure, he had apologized, or explained to me further what the hell happened here. I still really dont get it. I miss my friend, and him as a boyfriend- our relationship was AMAZING til after the breakup. Then it was awful. I have been thinking about this guy every. single. day for the last 8 months. I miss him, I can't figure out what went wrong, and I wish every night that the stars would align and he'd come to his senses. But, after the way hes been treating me these last few months, I know that the person he is now is not someone that I want. I have been doing all the things to move on- dating, going out with friends, working, bettering my life, but it seems that I am having a very difficult time moving on from this completely - any other ideas? Why do you think this guy cannot be nice to me, or even apologize... or agree to call a truce after all the history that we have together? It bothers me.
ElizaV Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 I'm sorry to hear this story, this guy has not treated you well. I understand that perhaps you upset him by taking your stress out on him, but you did apologise and when a person loses someone close to them its understandable that they might act badly. I think the worst part about this situation is that he hasn't given you any real reasons for the split, or apologised for it. The way you wrote it seems as though he didn't actually tell you the relationship was over - just didn't call and moved onto someone else?! That's unacceptable. I think no matter what happens, everyone deserves to have the situation properly explained to them. Also the way he has treated you since the breakup is very nasty - there is no need to send you texts saying you're 'just another person'. It sounds like he was trying to convince himself that you meant nothing to him. I'm in the same situation as you to some degree - although I did get an apology from the guy who hurt me, I'm still struggling to move on from everything that's happened. I'll give you the same advice everyone has given me - just keep going on with your life, and with time you will move on. My ex treated me badly and I keep playing over and over it in my head, wondering why he did and why he couldn't just be nice. The only answer I've come up with is he has some emotional issues he needs to deal with, and he'll have to deal with them without me. Maybe you should think the same.
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 Sounds like he already had someone lined up and was using your situation as a way out with this teenager he is dating. Like that one will last, LOL, but I digress. He couldn't even be a friend when you were going through your situation--and certainly wasn't manly enough to handle the hormonal thing. He lives 2 hours away also? He is being a first class jerk. Not being civil and being rather cold. Don't call this prick anymore. Sounds like he's going through puberty.
shayla Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 The man I'm seeing now, we met up 2 months after the really nasty break up with my ex. We started dating and 3 months later my father died. I was heartbroken, I had taken care of him in his last years, he was like my baby and I was so lost.... He took care of me, he would come over to my house and hold me for hours watching tv with me and letting me just cry and cry. He was there for me in every sense of the word. A friend that you've had should have at least been there for you and would have understood the stages of grief. This guy was no friend to you, then or now. Save your energy and be a friend to someone that is going to be a friend to you. 1
fucpcg Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 Another story that sounds eerily familiar to mine. My ex, our first two months of dating she didn't want to give up her party life, which left basically no time and relationship for us, so I broke up with her. She begged me back talking about she loved me, she needed me, her kids need me, she's sorry it was a tough time period for her, etc. We talked about things and worked them out, and she became my best friend, and we had a really amazing relationship. About a year later, I was not dealing with some overall work and life stress and issues so well, and it impacted how I was dealing with her in a negative way. One day she snapped on me, called me horrible horrible things, and told me she was blocking my cell phone and email and not to contact her ever again because it was harassment and she would get a PFA against me. WTF just happened?!? Where did my best friend go?? A year later, she is still just as nasty if she runs into me, and her response to the 3 letters I mailed over the past year has once again been a claim of harassment. I have no idea how someone can go literally from one weekend being a woman who is sleeping on my chest at night, who talks about things like marriage and having a child together, to the next weekend accusing me of being abusive and harassment. After spending the past year trying to figure out how that can happen, all I have learned is that it does happen, and I will NEVER understand how someone could flip like that. I wish I had something positive to share with you, but I don't. A year out, life has returned to normal, however my mind sure hasn't let go. I have a great life, great friends, endless sports and leagues I am involved in, but my mind still replays our last days over, and over, and over... Like you have expressed, I still think "Can't she AT LEAST be decent and just have a conversation with me? I never denied that to her". Apparently, no.
flitzanu Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 Why do you think this guy cannot be nice to me, or even apologize... or agree to call a truce after all the history that we have together? It bothers me. because he doesn't like you or want to be your friend. simple as that. you dated, he got bored, and wanted to sleep with other girls, so he broke up with you and did just that. you have your answers, you just want to believe there's some big underlying reason that you don't have, but it's pretty simple. he wanted to bang a 19 year old, so he dumped you. and now, he's probably tired of dealing with you, especially with you confronting him in the bar and in public, so he really has no desire to speak to you or be friends.
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