newlove87 Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 Hello, been reading these forums for a couple of weeks now. Im going to make this short as possible, here is my story: I been dating my ex for about four years. It was a good relationship and as all relationships we had our issues. Before she broke with me she told me that she needed time to figure out if she still wanted to be in the relationship. I notice that things slowly changed with her. she had went on vacation for a month before she told me she needed space. When she came back from vacation, things where different. she act differently. i was so mad and i told her that she has a week to figure out what she want to do (which i now realized i shouldn't have put a timeframe on that). Then she told me that she cannot be with me. i got so mad and i called her very bad names that i never called her throughout the four years we been together. I still regret it to this day. Then she said that she made her mind up and dont wanna be with me. and how can i love her and call her them names. After she broke up with me i crying every single day. i did the whole crying and begging thing for about a whole week (so pathetic on my part). then i told myself this is it. i have to MOVE ON! A couple of weeks passed. and i notice she will contact me. it started with a text.. then more text msgs...then phone calls and texts every day. last saturday she called me 3 times i didn't pick up. then she text and said "can you please call me back, i need to talk to you about something its really bothering me and i dont know who else to talk to". i didn't want to call her back but i did. and she told me about something terrible that happened to her as a child (which i cannot state on this forum). she was crying. long story short i helped her and she told her parents what happen to her etc. now after all this she texted me and said "I love you". I WAS SUPRISED. now she practically calls me everyday like we good friends and all. We are now talking and are on good terms. i made it clear to her that i cannot be her friend and if i cannot be with her then its best we dont talk for the sake of me moving on. i told her i dont want to wait for something that may never happen. she told me she has feelings and doesn't know if we will ever be together again. but yet she told me how she miss me, love me and how im on her mind. but she DOESN'T want to be with me at the moment. i think she is afraid that if we get back together that the same problems will exist. I also found out that her family is moving overseas. she is about to finish college. and told me me she doesn't wanna live in the states anymore. and that she dont know what the future will hold if she will stay or not, if we going to be together, etc. it makes me mad and it confuses the hell out of me. i know she got feelings for me. i love her and do want to be with her. but i feel like it is not fair to talk to her and care for her even doe we dont even go out anymore. she told me today that she going to see if she get a job after she graduate, then transfer out of state and then out the country. But it seems like she hasn't made her mind up completely and she is leaving the door open between us without giving me no guarantees. In my heart, i feel like she will be leaving with her family. she also tell me she wanted to be close to her parents, etc. which i do understand. Part of me feel like i should tell her we cannot talk until she figure out what she want in life. It kills me to talk to her everyday and knowing that i cannot kiss her, console her and love her like i use to. she is coming to see me in a couple of days (in 2 days). its been a month since we broke up. and i haven't seen her in like 2 weeks. I dont want to let go. i am 24 and she is 21. Any advice? I gladly will appreciate it.
gibson Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 (edited) I am sorry to tell you this but your Ex has G.I.G.S., your relationship is over and there is nothing you can do to prevent / stop it. I suggest you read the following 2 threads: "The Grass Is Greener" Syndrome and... Dumped by someone with G.I.G.S.? All your Questions are Answered within this thread! Edited April 4, 2012 by gibson
gotye Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 ya, sounds like a moving on kind of thing I wouldn't hold hopes
Eddie Edirol Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 She isnt leaving the door open for you two to get back together, she just doesnt want to deal with the guilt of hurting you by saying that she will never be interested in you again. Its a common dumper behavior.
tears_in_rain Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 Sorry mate. This doesn't look like being great for you.
Author newlove87 Posted April 4, 2012 Author Posted April 4, 2012 Thanks everyone, i am not happy having this kind of friendship with her. I invested four years with this girl. I do love her. I read everything you guys said. Should i tell her that we cannot talk no more because its best for me to move on? i wanted to tell her that i cant do this to myself and that i have to move on and not fool myself. And if she decides to come back then MAYBE i will want to be with her again..what do you guys think?
robkris8079 Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 Thanks everyone, i am not happy having this kind of friendship with her. I invested four years with this girl. I do love her. I read everything you guys said. Should i tell her that we cannot talk no more because its best for me to move on? i wanted to tell her that i cant do this to myself and that i have to move on and not fool myself. And if she decides to come back then MAYBE i will want to be with her again..what do you guys think? I think the best way to say that is with your silence.
Author newlove87 Posted April 4, 2012 Author Posted April 4, 2012 I think the best way to say that is with your silence. Interesting to say the least, but i dont want to seem cruel or like i dont care about her. I feel if i go about it that way it may screw up my chances
Author newlove87 Posted April 4, 2012 Author Posted April 4, 2012 funny thing is she called and text me last night and i ignored her for a good hour or so and when i finally called her back she was upset and wanted to know why i didn't return her text or calls...smh. i cant short change myself i honestly feel i am better then that and im not going to settle for something less then what i deserve. I know she will call me later today/tonight. Question is should i be a--hole and ignore her attempts.
robkris8079 Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 every situation is different. I read your thread and she asked for space. Yet she keeps contacting you. If you feel the need to contact her to tell her your not going to contact her then do it. Tell her your giving her the space that she asked for. Hopefully this isn't a cake and eat it too, back burner type of situation she is trying to put you in.
Author newlove87 Posted April 4, 2012 Author Posted April 4, 2012 every situation is different. I read your thread and she asked for space. Yet she keeps contacting you. If you feel the need to contact her to tell her your not going to contact her then do it. Tell her your giving her the space that she asked for. Hopefully this isn't a cake and eat it too, back burner type of situation she is trying to put you in. what do you mean by back burner type of situation can you elaborate please?
Author newlove87 Posted April 4, 2012 Author Posted April 4, 2012 ***UPDATE*** She wants to take me out to eat on Friday to a local resturant (her treat)...smh
mike588 Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 She isnt leaving the door open for you two to get back together, she just doesnt want to deal with the guilt of hurting you by saying that she will never be interested in you again. Its a common dumper behavior. Yep I agree. My ex. dumped me in a cruel way 8 months ago and I went No Contact never expecting to hear from her again. 6 weeks ago she contacts me saying she is so very sorry for hurting me...regrets her actions blah blah blah. I was confused....I wasn't sure if she was just "dumping her guilt" or wanted to try it again. I foolishy replyed then she replyed again but never mentioned ANYTHING about wanting to get back together so I agree that mine too has no intention of wanting to try again....she was just feeling guity and needed to get that off her chest...she even said that. I wouldn't meet with her...it's going to hurt you and set you back.
Author newlove87 Posted April 4, 2012 Author Posted April 4, 2012 Yep I agree. My ex. dumped me in a cruel way 8 months ago and I went No Contact never expecting to hear from her again. 6 weeks ago she contacts me saying she is so very sorry for hurting me...regrets her actions blah blah blah. I was confused....I wasn't sure if she was just "dumping her guilt" or wanted to try it again. I foolishy replyed then she replyed again but never mentioned ANYTHING about wanting to get back together so I agree that mine too has no intention of wanting to try again....she was just feeling guity and needed to get that off her chest...she even said that. I wouldn't meet with her...it's going to hurt you and set you back. man im sorry to hear that bro. Thank really sucks..idk if im going to go. But if i decide to then afterwards im going to fall back. Its just not fair.
mike588 Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 man im sorry to hear that bro. Thank really sucks..idk if im going to go. But if i decide to then afterwards im going to fall back. Its just not fair. Well I know your going to "try to fall back" after seeing her but I'll bet it's going to upset/bother you more than you know! I know were all different but when my ex. contacted me (after I'd moved on and gotten over her) her contact really bothered me and set me back. I can only imagine how I'd felt if I actually saw her.
Author newlove87 Posted April 4, 2012 Author Posted April 4, 2012 Well I know your going to "try to fall back" after seeing her but I'll bet it's going to upset/bother you more than you know! I know were all different but when my ex. contacted me (after I'd moved on and gotten over her) her contact really bothered me and set me back. I can only imagine how I'd felt if I actually saw her. yah thanks you are right..like i said we JUST started talking again. And she told me how she MAY be going away on vacation for a month (to the same country her family is going to move to). I was just talking to her and asked her whats her intentions of behind her wanting to talk/be in contact with me. She couldn't give me a answer. she said she guess its a bad idea to talk to me. she wants to be with me but needs time to work on herself (trust issues, communication, etc). i do admit those things where always a problem in our relationship on both sides. i asked her if she wants to be with me and if she intends on being with me she said yes. but yet you dont know if u want to live in the states anymore? That really pisses me off. Im not going no where with her. she had to go because she is about to travel home from work. we agreed to talk about it later tonight. I swear to God after tonight im going to move on with my life and not talk to her at all. When i went into no contact for about 2 or so weeks i was at a turning point. I started to feel good being single. but first im going to see where this conversation leads me tonight.
mike588 Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 yah thanks you are right..like i said we JUST started talking again. And she told me how she MAY be going away on vacation for a month (to the same country her family is going to move to). I was just talking to her and asked her whats her intentions of behind her wanting to talk/be in contact with me. She couldn't give me a answer. she said she guess its a bad idea to talk to me. she wants to be with me but needs time to work on herself (trust issues, communication, etc). i do admit those things where always a problem in our relationship on both sides. i asked her if she wants to be with me and if she intends on being with me she said yes. but yet you dont know if u want to live in the states anymore? That really pisses me off. Im not going no where with her. she had to go because she is about to travel home from work. we agreed to talk about it later tonight. I swear to God after tonight im going to move on with my life and not talk to her at all. When i went into no contact for about 2 or so weeks i was at a turning point. I started to feel good being single. but first im going to see where this conversation leads me tonight. You've just got to STOP all contact with her and let her go...Believe me I know how difficult doing that is!! Give her time to work on herself...don't contact or bug her in ANY way...she knows how you feel...what you want so leave her alone!! Are you willing to uproot and move out of the states....really? Your still young...learn from this and let her go...move on.
Eddie Edirol Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 yah thanks you are right..like i said we JUST started talking again. And she told me how she MAY be going away on vacation for a month (to the same country her family is going to move to). I was just talking to her and asked her whats her intentions of behind her wanting to talk/be in contact with me. She couldn't give me a answer. she said she guess its a bad idea to talk to me. she wants to be with me but needs time to work on herself (trust issues, communication, etc). i do admit those things where always a problem in our relationship on both sides. i asked her if she wants to be with me and if she intends on being with me she said yes. but yet you dont know if u want to live in the states anymore? That really pisses me off. Im not going no where with her. she had to go because she is about to travel home from work. we agreed to talk about it later tonight. I swear to God after tonight im going to move on with my life and not talk to her at all. When i went into no contact for about 2 or so weeks i was at a turning point. I started to feel good being single. but first im going to see where this conversation leads me tonight. You have to do the opposite of what you think you should do. You have to ignore her. You have to make her think you dont care. You WANT her to panic. You have to make her think you moved on without her. Reason is, thats the only way she will think twice about letting you go. She wont think about it when she knows you are waiting for her. Dont worry, you want to move on, you want to ignore her so that if she really wants to try again, she will make it clear to you. So dont go to dinner with her, tell her no, because you dont trust her intentions. Especially if she cant tell you what they are. because what they really are, is that she is bored, and she wants someone safe to hang with. Thats why she is offering to pay. Whoever she started seeing after you, is not paying enough attention to her. Let her deal with the emptiness. If she made a bad decision by dumping you, she will have to think about it without hearing from you. She is treating you like a backburner (back up boyfriend) just in case the guy she wants to be with doesnt work out. Dont fool yourself, during a breakup, people lie to their dumpees most of the time. When they say theres no one else, they are lying. especially women, who cant be alone, dump you to be with another guy. Ill tell you why this works. My last gf ended my relationship, I was done with her so I was ready to go anyway. When she told me "this isnt going to work" I said "ok!", hung up the phone, and she didnt hear from me for a month and a half. When I hit her up, she played hard to get, but eventually came to see me. I could tell she still had feelings for me, but wouldnt tell me that she got with her ex to pay for her son, otherwise he wouldnt pay, and she needed the loot. Told me all the things she thought I wanted to hear. She said she would come looking for me when she didnt have to depend on me financially. After that, she ignored any of my communication, so I left her alone. 3 months later, she decides she wants to come looking for me. I wanted nothing to do with her. Why did that work? because I cut her off completely. I showed her I didnt need her. Thats how it works. let her miss you. By the time youre over her, you probably wont want her back anyway.
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