Synchronicity Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 So I really don't want to give our whole backstory here....to be honest I'm sick of thinking about it all, sick of recanting it all, sick of crying over it all. We're both 20 years old, we've had the best 9 months together....that may not sound like a lot to some, but we have spent a SERIOUS amount of time in those 9 months, a serious amount of commitment, and completely intertwined our lives. I know she loves me. What she went out of her way to do for me for my birthday is like something no one I've ever met has had the treatment of before. Everyone around me has told me the same. I've heard from my family and others that she seemed to be hopelessly addicted, she hangs so close to me and stuff even though she's not a fan of public display of affection...We are like best friends, we are compatible in EVERY possible way. She's described it as an affection and love she never thought she could feel, and I feel more than the same way. She was a virgin, I was not, and we've been sleeping together since 1 month in. That's one of the worst thoughts, to be honest...It makes my stomach sink and I feel nauseous thinking about her being with someone else. Anyways, we text each other ALL day long if we're not seeing each other...and she's lived 4 hours away going to school, so we've had plenty of space as well as time together....she's not the kind of girl who would ever even TALK to other guys, she's pretty religious and her parents know her as well as I do, we both agree that's not the issue. When we first started this, I would freak out on her...for the smallest things...I would borderline yell at her for just hanging out with her friends instead of being with me...I'm a VERY different person now, I've apologized multiple times for the person I was, and we seem to be past all that....for a solid 5-6 months now, none of that has been an issue. Also, for further insight, she's already applied to a college here so she can move back home and be with me. She's doing one of my online math classes for me, and that can show you how our lives are intertwined in even the smallest ways...I don't know how she plans on avoiding that...there are some babies she takes care of on a regular basis who ALWAYS ask for me. How will she just ignore these things? She was telling me just THREE days before she needed "this time" that she wanted to talk about where we were getting our apartments and stuff. She wanted me to help her applying to some jobs. She had given me THE best birthday just a few weeks ago as she teared up and told me that she could NEVER live without me. She has woken me up with texts like you couldn't imagine, telling me about how she's so consumed by this and how she loves it to death, more than anything...how she thinks about our life together all the time, how she thinks about our upcoming engagement in about a year...I don't understand, it was all this way one second, and the next.... anyways, we've had our altercations before...I've made ultimatums to her and we broke up for just a day (lol) and even that was one of the worst things we've both ever experienced...she was crying all the way home that weekend where I was waiting at her house all dressed up with flowers and stuff...and a lot of our problems have stemmed from her hormones....they were ALREADY crazy, but now that she's on birth control, she's ALL OVER THE PLACE. To be fair, she's usually extremely stable, but she'll let the smallest thing just go to the extreme, if we're even agitated she'll ruin our entire weekend together by leaving and not talking to me or something.... Lastly, I think this has to do with the situation heavily...her parents have ALWAYS had a problem with me. They haven't tried to hide it. They had a problem with me before they found out we were sleeping together. Theeeeen all hell broke loose. It's been about 5 months since they found out about that. Well, I'm almost always at their house if we're together...they don't let her go out much. And they're always criticizing me to my face when I'm over there. I finally got fed up with it the other day and kind of got an attitude back. More at her than at them, to be honest, I didn't even say much to them. Anyways, things were coming back down for me and her, we were almost fine, when she said something else that set me off. We drove home in silence and she said she was going to go back to school (4 hours drive) a little early. So I said fine, gave her a little kiss and said I love you and by. Went home...she tried to say a couple things to me, said that she was glad I had dinner with them and I said me too. She expects more. she expects me to write a book about how sorry I am and how much I loved that time with her or something? Then she said she was sorry the weekend turned out the way it did. I said me too. Then she stopped talking to me. I asked her how the ride was going, if she was safe a couple times, and she said 'yep' both times. We didn't talk for a day after that, which has never happened. Then I tried to talk to her and she said she wanted time. A breakup kind of time. She wouldn't tell me much, hell, nothing at all really, just that she didn't know how much time she needed and that I could do whatever I wanted with my life until then. That was monday morning, it's wednesday morning, now , and this time has been EXCRUCIATING. I talked to her parents for a couple hours, told them that I wanted to respect them in new ways and stuff and me and them are getting along much better. I texted her that Tuesday night, that I had a talk with them and I really wanted to talk with her if she felt like she's had any space, but she didn't reply. Still hasn't. This has NEVER happened with us. I feel that this is the end. After everything she felt and said just THREE days ago, she is ALWAYS like this. She gets something in her head and she just runs with it. It's taken convincing before, and when she was convinced she apologized in tears and said most of it was hormonal. But this time is different, I can just feel it. She's just a f*cking shell, just says 'I don't know' 'I don't know' as she usually does when she's upset. I don't know how to deal with this. She's coming home tomorrow night, but I have school so she probably won't see me tomorrow even if she wanted to. I have a feeling she's going to talk to me this weekend, but I also have a feeling it's going to be to give me back everything I've ever given her and cut ties....which I don't f*cking understand...this is enfuriating...just DAYS ago she was madly in love....but I can' feel the finale of this...hell, my parents even know her to a certain extent, and my mom's words were "the nail isn't in the coffin yet, son, but it's very close....It's definitely close this time. It may just happen" And I don't even know what freaking happened. NOTHING happened. It was a small altercation compared to what we've dealt with in the past. I'm not going to text or call any more, I'm letting her come to me when she's had her time....but the problem with that, once she's made up her mind this isn't going to work, nothing will change that. It's just how she is. she won't ever talk to me again like she did as her lover, as her best friend. it will just be "I don't know's" and "here's your sh*t." I don't even know how she can bring herself to do this to me right now....this is TORMENT. Yes, suicide has crossed my mind. At least f*cking say SOMETHING. Say that you're not ready to talk, say SOMETHING. But this absence just confirms to me it reallly does seem to be over. And we had EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING there is to a relationship. We had so much planned out, even, it was ALL falling into place with school, careers, and marriage. And she's going to throw EVERYTHING into chaos? I need help. Please.
EgoJoe Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 There is probably someone else who got her panties wet and now she has doubts. Everything she says is BS. It is over forever even if you eventually get back together. What you had is gone. Mourn it and move on. Do not contact her. She threw you away so don't enable her dumpster diving. You are not in the dumpster you are on the prowl. Learn, grow and change. Go tag as many Women as you can. She is probably already on her back nightly with someone on top and inside of her. So shake off the rose-tinted glasses right now.
flitzanu Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 agreed. "break" means "breakup" and usually means "i want to sleep with other people".
gibson Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 I am sorry to tell you this but your Ex has G.I.G.S., your relationship is over and there is nothing you can do to prevent / stop it. I suggest you read the following 2 threads: "The Grass Is Greener" Syndrome and... Dumped by someone with G.I.G.S.? All your Questions are Answered within this thread!
flitzanu Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 I am sorry to tell you this but your Ex has G.I.G.S., your relationship is over and there is nothing you can do to prevent / stop it. I suggest you read the following 2 threads: "The Grass Is Greener" Syndrome and... Dumped by someone with G.I.G.S.? All your Questions are Answered within this thread! "has GIGS?" you make it sound like a disease.
gibson Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 (edited) "has GIGS?" you make it sound like a disease. I like your posts. You keep it simply, cut through the BS and I rarely disagree with you. However, I have never said that G.I.G.S. is a "disease" or an "affliction" that someone gets and I did not mean to imply that with my post. Further more, I do not think someone getting G.I.G.S. is a bad thing either. Also, if you take a look at some of the definitions for the word Syndrome: 1. a group of related or coincident things, events, actions, etc. 2. the pattern of symptoms that characterize or indicate a particular social condition. 3. a predictable, characteristic pattern of behavior, action, etc., that tends to occur under certain circumstances Knowing this... How can G.I.G.S. be the "disease"? Since when is breaking up with someone because you are young, wanting to date around, see what is out there, experience life outside of a relationship, hang with friends, to have the "college experience", not wanting to be in a committed relationship, being carefree, "sowing your wild oats", not ready to settle down, not wanting to be responsible to someone, be selfish, living it up, sleeping around, partying, traveling, focusing on career, etc. a bad thing or a "disease"? All I was saying is that the OP's Ex ended what is a probably a perfectly healthy and wonderful relationship because she has the need / desire to go through the above "phase" (if you find the term G.I.G.S. offensive) just like a majority of other 18 - 25 year olds do. If you do a post mortem of a relationship that "died"(ended) because the dumper feels the need and wants to go through the above "Phase" (G.I.G.S.), the relationship and the dumpee are not the "disease". The "disease" is actually... age (and everything that goes along with being young, immature, lack of life experience, not knowing who you are, what you want, what love is, etc.) and bad timing. Edited April 4, 2012 by gibson
flitzanu Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 I like your posts. You keep it simply, cut through the BS and I rarely disagree with you. However, I have never said that G.I.G.S. is a "disease" or an "affliction" that someone gets and I did not mean to imply that with my post. Further more, I do not think someone getting G.I.G.S. is a bad thing either. Also, if you take a look at some of the definitions for the word Syndrome: 1. a group of related or coincident things, events, actions, etc. 2. the pattern of symptoms that characterize or indicate a particular social condition. 3. a predictable, characteristic pattern of behavior, action, etc., that tends to occur under certain circumstances Knowing this... How can G.I.G.S. be the "disease"? Since when is breaking up with someone because you are young, wanting to date around, see what is out there, experience life outside of a relationship, hang with friends, to have the "college experience", not wanting to be in a committed relationship, being carefree, "sowing your wild oats", not ready to settle down, not wanting to be responsible to someone, be selfish, living it up, sleeping around, partying, traveling, focusing on career, etc. a bad thing or a "disease"? All I was saying is that the OP's Ex ended what is a probably a perfectly healthy and wonderful relationship because she has the need / desire to go through the above "phase" (if you find the term G.I.G.S. offensive) just like a majority of other 18 - 25 year olds do. If you do a post mortem of a relationship that "died"(ended) because the dumper feels the need and wants to go through the above "Phase" (G.I.G.S.), the relationship and the dumpee are not the "disease". The "disease" is actually... age (and everything that goes along with being young, immature, lack of life experience, not knowing who you are, what you want, what love is, etc.) and bad timing. i don't disagree with the semantics of what you're saying, i'm just curious why so many people DO seem to act like it really is "a disease" and not just saying "phase" like you indicated dunno, i see it so often used around here like it's just the perfect excuse for someone's behavior, you know? and also, your explanation above IS what i believe should be explained, you did a thorough job of explaining that it really is a phase and just behavior, and not an affliction. but, that wasn't directed at you. i just thought your phrasing was funny. that's the only reason i pointed it out (also thanks)
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