I'm 16 and never had a bf, i don't want to change who i am to get a guy, what do i do

[neverbeenkizzed88]

[font=courier new][/font][color=indigo][/color] I don't know if anyone can help me but i just needed to get things off my chest. I'm 16 and everyone talks about guys and sex. I've never had a boyfriend and i feel that if i did get one, and thats a big if, I don't think he'd stay with me. All guys my age are only interested in sex and i believe strongly in not having sexual relations until im older. I know all of these guys who fool around with other girls because they don't want to pressure their girlfriends, i don't want to have a boyfriend like that.

 

I am interested in what it's like to have a boyfriend but then ii have another problem. I'm not exactly the type of girls that guys look for. I'm not into fasion, im not into make up. I've always been that girl that got dirty and played with the guys, but guys aren't looking for a girl that is like their guy friends, he wants someone who dresses sexy and wears make up. I want to get a boyfriend but i don't want to change who i am.

 

Do you think I'll ever find someone with out having to change who i am and what i believe in?

[disguy]

Yeah your still pretty young. You have all your life ahead of you to live. You will find someone that likes you for who you are. You shouldn't ever change who you are and stay true to yourself. As for the boy's that are into girls that are into fashion and wear's make-up, well i would just say that yeah guy's like a girl that are into that, mainly because it shows that they know how to take care of themselves. In your case, just keep doing what you do and sooner or later you will find that person you've been looking for.

[swtbonita]

none of those girls that love fashion and make up will have the same bf when they are older.. and when guys you age mature.. and start to become smart.. because at 16 they are only weird hormonal freaks... when they grow up the begin to realize what they want in life and it isn't the girls who slept around in high school or the girls who had all the bf's.. it's the girls that they were friends with and enjoyed being around..

 

don't worry about what guys think because if a guy only thinks of sex and fashion and make up.. then you don't need them in your life

[UCFKevin]

What's your hurry? Cripes! Worry about other stuff first. Guys will be around for the rest of your life.

[Phelly]

It's my guess that your first bf will be much older than you are hehe

This is because they are more mature and they look for those things that you stand for.

 

I think it's awesome that you don't want "sexual relations" until you're older...there's too few girls/women who think like that.

 

The woman who i am in love with, right now, was 18 yrs old when she had her first bf... He was 24! Unfortunately he was a bastard

But she found something special in me. Not because I'm a "special" guy, but because we are genuinely in love. She is a lot like you are; she has very few female friends, and all of her friends are guys and she even plays sports with them hehe

 

She doesn't wear make up or anything(she never has) but I think she is fashionable. She's not a virgin(remember when I said first bf was a bastard ) though I am.

 

Her first bf forced sex on her and then broke up with her after she did it.

 

But me, I never ask her to do something she isn't comfortable with. I want to be with her forever and I want her to be happy.

 

I tell you all this in part because I just wanted to say it but also because your description of yourself reminds me a lot of this girl that I speak of... I believe it's about finding someone mature enough to like/love you for all that you are.

 

I suppose I should also mention that I was one of those "guy friends" for about 4 years before we fell in love hehe... there was always an "attraction" but it took our 'romantic' love over 4 years to develop.

 

I wouldn't be surprised if your first bf turns out to be a close, long-time friend either.

[dudesomewhere]

never change who you are, especially to try and get someone. Your age though, you're still young. Never rush things. The reasons you give are the reasons I never did anything until I was past 21...too many girls wanted only one thing from me too...there wasn't any love , hehe

 

If you want to go through life without having to spread yourself thin, meaning you want quality and not quantity...not sleeping with around a dozen or more people...shudder that number is high to me and some people have done hundreds ....take it slow. Don't let any airhead bimbos around you who constantly yammer about, my bf this and my bf that and my ex this and my ex before my last ex before next to last ex...ad nauseam, get to you.

 

I disagree with disguy though..."well i would just say that yeah guy's like a girl that are into that, mainly because it shows that they know how to take care of themselves." That's an opinion...ain't mine.

 

Hell, I'm 31 and I still love a girl who shows that tomboy in her. Not butch or dyke mind you, because girls can still be a tomboy and be absolutely femme . Growing up, I knew girls who just couldn't be themselves...or maybe like me. I noticed the girls who had no bfs get friendly with me and how their friends would say, she likes you. Really? Without even knowing me at all she likes me? I'm flattered and impressed...not! They just needed to have a bf, not really caring who. I never felt I needed to get a gf just so I could say I did. All these wretched looking trolls around me can brag all they want about gfs and bfs and sleeping with 20+ ppl...but nah that didn't impress me.

 

Play video games, climb trees, play with your pets, do things with your family...love yourself, love your family...love your pets if you have any, play with the little people in your life if you have them too (little sis/bro, niece, nephew). Have innocence in your heart and all around you and when it comes to it...if some guy can't be there and love you without sex then he isn't worth your time. Um, so yeah, I do those things still...except for the trees part cuz I only have straight pine where I live and all you end up doing is go nowhere fast like

[faux]

Originally posted by neverbeenkizzed88

Do you think I'll ever find someone with out having to change who i am and what i believe in?

 

Yes. I think that you will find someone like that. You are still young. Do not feel pressured by what others are doing. Do what you feel comfortable with. You will meet someone eventually, and you will pursue a relationship when you feel that you are ready for one. As the years pass you will find others who feel the same way about things, and you will have the added plus of dealing with (hopefully) a higher maturity level.

[daletom]

(OK, this is from a guy who didn't have a G/F until he was 18.)

 

Yes, it's discouraging. You're essentially shut out of a lot of activities because you're not a couple. You feel like a fifth wheel on a car when you're with friends, all of whom seem to be attached. You wonder if your H.S. class will vote you "Most likely to die a virgin.".

 

Odds are that you will find somebody. Look at the adults around you. All of them - not just the popular, "successful", or outgoing ones. For each one that's part of a couple, ask yourself "What did he/she see in her/him?". Then pose the same question to some of them, but when you ask it make it sound like, "How did you meet each other?". The answers may surprise you. And the fact that in some cases you never will figure out what what attracted them to each other also tells you a lot.

 

You can do things to help your situation. Find an active co-ed club or volunteer group that interests you and join up. It might be drama, speech and debate, or ecology at your school. 4-H and Explorer Scouts are often good - don't think that either of these organizations are really like their popular stereotypes!! Some Church youth groups are excellent; most are mediocre and a few are poor. Community groups focusing on things as diverse as Pinochle, ballroom dancing, local history, public speaking, investments or mystery novels can let you meet adults who share your interests. Don't go in looking for a B/F - look for people who share your interests, beliefs and personality. Then find out where they hang out, how they express their individuality, etc. You'll find yourself in a larger pool of compatible friends from whom you can start selecting "special" friends.

 

I wish I had better answers for you - I can't say that I ever "conquered" the situation myself. But I'll tell you about myself, and some things that helped, and maybe you can create things that work for YOU:

 

- I had my first (of 2) girlfriend at age 18. She needed a Prom date, and let me know thru mutual friends. Eventually, she all but told me how, when and where to ask her out. I never felt that she was too forward or aggressive; never felt insulted, disrespected or pursued because she was the initiator. I hope your parents give you the freedom to (respectfully, politely, and non-sexually) approach guys you're interested in.

 

- She taught me what little I know about dancing. I wish I knew more! At that age I was afraid to admit that I didn't know much even about some things that interested me. I probably would have been quite attracted to a lady who offered to teach me more about dancing (provided that she really could teach it!), but I may also have been attracted to somebody who who offered to teach lapidary, photography, oral interpretation or astronomy. If you have an ability and can teach it, offer to share yourself in that way.

 

- We dated through the summer after H.S., but couldn't sustain a relationship when college interposed 500 miles between us. Don't think that you have to select your life's partner at your age! The circumstances of our society work against you, and even thinking that you should be in some kind of exclusive or steady relationship will only open you up to disappointment, heartache and possibly bitterness. Some people DO meet their life partner at your age - in addition to my in-laws, I can quickly name 2 other couples in my circle of acquaintances who met in H.S. But I don't think any of them would say that the love they felt at 16 or 18 was the sort of love and commitment that sustained their marriages. Last weekend i attended a wedding (first marriage) of a young man who was over 30 when he met his wife.

 

- She taught me most of what I know about kissing, and a lot of what I know about lovemaking. NOT SEX, MIND YOU - I never fondled her, saw her naked, gave her an orgasm or had intercourse with her. And for the most part I'm glad of that. So is my wife. Over the years I've seen quite a few young people try to substitute sex for relational intimacy, or hold a weak relationship together with sex, and end up with tragic results.

 

- It was almost 4 yrs later - after college - that I met my 2nd G/F. We're now 2 months short of our 30th anniversary. As for the feelings you have now, I felt them more severely during those college years. Fortunately, there were a LOT more things to do in college than hang out with friends whose only topic of conversation was their B/F or G/F.

 

- It was a (much older, adult) mutual friend who introduced my wife and I. This friend knew us both, and with the experience of years, perceived areas of compatibility between my wife and I. There are many adults who have the best interests of young people at heart, and might suggest somebody you should become acquainted with. (OK - the "friend" is my wife's aunt, and is married to the man who pastored my family's church at that time. She'll probably get flowers from us in August.)

 

- Actually, our "introduction" was an exchange of addresses since my wife & I were at schools about 600 miles apart. We wrote back and forth for 3 months before we saw each other. I think we built a more solid relationship thru 3 months of correspondence than we would have in a year of traditional "dating"! We were engaged about 2-1/2 months after we met, and married a year and 2 weeks after first seeing each other. But we were 23, not 16!

 

- We exchanged virginity (I took her's; she got mine) on our wedding night. Lousy sex. And one of the most meaningful things in each of our lives.

 

- She has never worn much makeup - a few weeks ago I asked her to cut back a little on the lipstick, which seemed to surprise her. She spades and plants the garden, makes strawberry jam (I make the crabapple & elderberry), there's bread raising on the counter tonight, and she runs a home-based business. She's on the Committee for our youngest son's Boy Scout Troop, and comes along on backpacking and bike-hike outings. Is that "get dirty" enough for you? (p.s. - I can think of at least 2 other moms in the Troop who are similar!)

 

OK - is that enough ideas for you to think about? You're NOT alone, even though it feels very alone to you. Let us know how we might help.

[morrigan]

You're young and you have plenty of time. If you go to college, believe me, you'll end of meeting a lot of guys who are interested in the same things you are. Pick a nice, approachable guy who enjoys getting to know you, not some trophy dude looking for a quickie. Date someone you truly like, not someone to impress your friends with.

 

Don't rush anything just to have a boyfriend or get sexual experience, you'll more than likely regret it if you do that. This is the time to enjoy yourself, think about what you want to do once you graduate high school. Believe me, the next two years will go by pretty quick, and you'll be glad you didn't waste your time with someone who didn't appreciate you.