johan Posted June 16, 2004 Posted June 16, 2004 I've been with my girlfriend for over two years now. She and I see eye to eye on a lot of lifestyle issues from diet, to sleep, to drugs/alcohol and smoking, excercise, you name it. We like to be very healthy and try to take care of ourselves and each other. She's very thin, and has the kind of body that I'm sure I'll never have to worry about her putting on weight. She says she's always had trouble keeping weight on. She drinks tons of water and she goes to the bathroom all the time. Sometimes just before and/or just after a meal, but really just all the time. She has the bladder of a mouse, I think. Sometimes she spends a lot of time in the bathroom, checking makeup and hair and whatever else, I presume. A friend of mine just dropped a little bomb on me today, when he told me his new girlfriend diagnosed my sweetheart as bulimic. She took the water-drinking, bathroom frequency, and thin body as evidence. She has friends who actually are bulimic (so she says) and who do similar things. My friend was afraid to tell me about it, like he'd just discovered she was born a man or something. I've never seen my girlfriend eat excessively. I've never heard her say anything about being afraid to be fat. She never has bad breath. Her teeth are fine. She sleeps great. She eats good food all the time, hardly ever any junk food. She's 34 and she's fit and loves to work out with me a few times a week. She likes fresh air on the hikes and usually just hikes while I run. I told my friend thanks, but there's nothing to worry about. But I don't know that much about it to be honest. In my mind, it doesn't make any sense, especially after I read back over what I wrote. Is there a type of bulimia where the person actually has no particular obsession with food or fat or excercise? They just puke silently after dinner, and that's it? Now that I've written this, I think it's pretty silly. But I wrote it, so guess I'll submit it.
Thinkalot Posted June 16, 2004 Posted June 16, 2004 I don't know enough about it to help you with actual facts Johan. You may have read my own post about needing to gain weight, and know that I also eat very healthy foods, exercise often, love the outdoors and so on. I'd say my fiance and I would enjoy similar activities to you two actually. My experience is more with food control though, which I have suffered (well, my obsessions need an outlet somewhere ). I dont have that problem now, however I am reluctant to gain weight, in spite of people telling me I look too thin. I would suggest you try and talk to your girlfriend about this, but tactfully. Perhaps ask her if she has always been so slim? Or somehow bring up the subject of the alarming number of people who do suffer from an eating disorder, and ask her directly if she has ever had any issues with it herself? It was an immense relief to me when I first told my guy about my eating problems, at the start of our relationship. It could be it's nothing, as you suspect...but no harm in gently raising the general subject. Good luck with Johan.
Sundaymorning Posted June 16, 2004 Posted June 16, 2004 Bulimics and ppl with eating disorders have INCREDIBLE ways of hiding things from others. I know, I had many eating problems when I was younger. I could hide it from anyone. I cant tell you whether or not if she had one, but it is weird how she goes to the bathroom after eating. Just because she is thin, does not mean she has an eating disorder. Bulimics are normally normal to above average weight. Yes, many bulimics teeth will be fine, but in time they go bad.If she has it, you may never see her eat excessively. She sounds normal to me, though. Maybe bring up the topics of eating disorders....see how that goes. But do not get mad at her if she in the end, is lying to you about it. ED's are extremely embarassing things. You can try to get her help if she needs it, but always remember she will not recover until or if she is ready to.
shopgrl Posted June 16, 2004 Posted June 16, 2004 johan- I had an "active" eating disorder for about 8 years. I say "active" because an eating disroder is something one will always have but must control or overcome. Currently, I am not binging and purging or starving myself nor have I for quite some time. I still have issues with food though and always will. When I was 15 I was in the hospital for a long time to help with the ED and I've seen several different types of anorexics and bulimics. I mean, some bulimics do totally pig out then puke while others eat normal portions of food yet still feel the need to puke. They say that most anorexics turn into bulimics once people figure out that he/she has an eating disorder. That's what happened in my case. I don't know whether or not your girlfriend has an eating disorder. You know, some people are just skinny, especially if her eating habits are as you described. Has she always been thin? How about family members, are they all skinny like she is? The obvious thing that raises a red flag for me is that she spends lots of time in the bathroom. Also, you wrote that she drinks lots of water, do you mean in general or whenever she eats? Sorry if this gets too graphic but the reason I ask is because when I used to binge and purge I would drink alot of liquid with my meal because it's easy to puke up the food for obvious reasons. My guess is that even if she does have an eating disorder she will not admit it to you. It's a disease, a very controlling one, a very embarrassing one. My guess is that she may become upset with you if you flat out ask her if she has an ED. From my experience I can tell you that people with EDs are very secretive and don't want anyone to know what they do behind closed doors. Do you guys live together? Does she go to the bathroom after everytime she eats or is it just when she eats "bad" foods? I wish I had some good advise for you but I don't. I mean, I would suggest not flat out asking her whether or not she has an eating disorder. Like someone else wrote, maybe just bring up eating disorders and how so and so has one or something like that and see what her reaction is. I don't think you'll be able to tell whether or not she has one unless she actually admits it to you. Just because her teeth are not bad does not mean that she does or doesn't have an eating disorder. What makes your friend's girlfriend think that your girlfriend has an eating disorder? Just because she's skinny? Good luck with your situation. I truly hope that your girlfriend doesn't have an eating disorder and if she does, please give her the support she needs.
Thinkalot Posted June 16, 2004 Posted June 16, 2004 I really agree with everything the others have added. ED are horrid and controlling and embarassing things.
Author johan Posted June 17, 2004 Author Posted June 17, 2004 Thanks! I will keep my eyes WIDE open. I have to go to dinner at her place now. It should be very interesting.
Thinkalot Posted June 17, 2004 Posted June 17, 2004 Have a good night. Remember, if you bring it up, go sideways, and gently....
FreeMe Posted June 18, 2004 Posted June 18, 2004 Hi, I know a little about bulimia. A friend's roommate had it and confessed to us. It's much different than anorexia. People with Anorexia have an aversion to food. They barely eat and they use every purging method they can, as well as exercise obsessively. That's why they look like death warmed over. Bulimics, on the other hand, enjoy food. They also purge to get rid of it. Many bulimics are in good shape at, or close to, normal body weight and healthy looking. My friend who was bulimic was very healthy, fit looking, perfect weight. Her hair and teeth were good. You would never have known. We suspected something because she would buy a box of Total cereal and a gallon of milk and it would be gone in one day. She'd sit down and eat almost all of it and then purge. From what I've seen with bulimia, it takes a much longer time to wear on your body then anorexia because bulimics do actually eat and get some nutrition. I know she had said if she was with people sometimes she would wait and instead of just vomiting, she would take a laxative later. She did manage to get some nutrition. Well, that's about all I know. It sounds like there could be a possibility your girlfriend has a problem. From your other posts, I know that she's also very jealous. I think I would even take that as possible supporting "evidence". Keep an eye on things.
FreeMe Posted June 18, 2004 Posted June 18, 2004 Oh, and eating disorders are always covert. People who have them will go extreme lengths to hide them.
tiki Posted June 18, 2004 Posted June 18, 2004 Do you hear her throwing up? Vomiting can be quite overcoming of the body, and control can be lost easily with abdominal spasms. I'd keep an ear out for her vomiting. Some people may be envious, or jealous because she's thin. That wouldn't surprise me. Does she completely obsess over everything that she eats? Will she veg out on crap food? Maybe you could discuss with her the obsessiveness of the eathing healthy. Maybe bring it to her attention. I know someone that was totally obsessed, and once it was brought to their attention, they came to realize that it too, was a type of eating disorder. She may have an eating disorder of that nature. Keep your ears open.
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