Kaoru Posted June 16, 2004 Posted June 16, 2004 Hello everyone. I'm new and just found this board. I feel agitated recently because I found out my boyfriend 'probably' cheats on me. It's what promt me to find something about cheating on the net and I found this board. Need your opinions about this. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 10 years, we're engaged actually about 4 years ago but haven't felt ready to take the next step into marriage. I love him and I believe he loves me too. This past year we've been playing an online games where you could had friends in a guild for war and stuffs. I'm not very active in that game, probably play when I can. Anyway, 2 days ago while we were spending our usual activities, I was curious and went over to his table and took a peek at what he's been chatting about with some girl. He immediately became defensive and wouldn't let me see what he said. Later..while he went out, I snoop on his computer and search the chat. I know I'm wrong to snoop around but I couldn't help it..I was curious. I saw his typing 'what color is your panties?' to which she answered 'white and I can show it to you'. This might be innocent and stuffs between friends, but if it's not such a big deal why wouldn't he let me see it. After all these years being together, I've never thought he would do something like that so it really threw me off. I confronted him when he got home. He said he was just playing and innocently flirting. He said he loves me and I feel hurt because he's never done something like this or..maybe not that I know of. This revelation causing me to doubt him. I'm thinking an innocent flirting could led to a love affair. I started to blame myself that maybe I wasn't giving him enough and probably he's bored with me. 10 years is long time but at this point, before 2 days ago, I was content - happy and in love. Only a few sentences I read and it hurt me. I wonder what if I discovered many others? Do you think I'm being irrational? What would you do if you were in my shoes? How could I overcome this sadness?
Debster Posted June 16, 2004 Posted June 16, 2004 Putting aside the whole Internet/cheating thing, my question to you is: You have been with this guy for ten years and engaged for four years. If you are not sure after all this time and ready to marry this guy - why are you wasting your time? I'm assuming of course, that you are not in your low twenties. If so, it could be more of an age/maturity issue.
VivianLee Posted June 16, 2004 Posted June 16, 2004 I confronted him when he got home. He said he was just playing and innocently flirting. There's flirting....then there's FLIRTING!! I consider flirting to have levels. The level of sexual flirting is to me, dangerous and can lead to something more. I know that from many sides! I wonder how he'd feel if you were sitting there having the same conversation with another man? Would he consider it playing and innocent? Why did he want to know what color her panties were? 10 yrs is a long time without marriage being in the picture but you said you were still in love and happy. Is he? I'd make sure that the relationship hasn't become a security blanket for him. One good thing, you aren't married and dealing with this but still, as long as you've been together, I know it has to hurt terribly. It may be time to question the relationship as a whole and see if you've perhaps gotten so content you've missed some important signs. Also, for peace of mind, I'd go ahead and check on his internet activity (don't let him know or he'll delete history, if he isn't already) and see what's up. If there's nothing then you can trust him and continue, if there is more of the same....he's either cheating or looking to cheat and you'll need to take the measures that are best for you.... I don't think people should ever feel guilty for "spying" especially when the trust has been broken, there is nothing wrong with self-preservation!!
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