budley12 Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 Just wanting to rant about my hurt and look for encouragement, but I ran into them holding hands and walking down the same path as I, and we were the only ones on the path. At first I wanted to turn around and walk (by walk I mean run flailing my arms like a crazy person making inhumane sounds) the other way but that would be very childish. I then said I would be civil and say "hi", but with each step more and more hatred grew and by the time we were near I wanted to pounce on the new guy and beat the crap out of him. Luckily, (for the other guy) I was able to keep my composure and keep walking. Unfortunately my ex and I made small eye contact and his face showed a sense of no remorse, of no wondering about me, of "im not looking back and I love my new life". I then saw them at a club event (habitat for humanity -which I was an officer of and just recently had to drop it because my ex and the new guy are in it as well). It was "pie-in-the-face" ordeal and of course I see my ex getting pied by the new guy. I seriously contemplated waiting until the new guy was getting pied and I would drop the $2 and smash the pie into his face so hard that it would break his nose... just picturing that gave me a sense of joy but then reality set in and the whole "what would jesus do" phrase came into my head. I walked away... I think I would be dealing with this a lot better if I had a good bond of friendship, however I lost all friends with this breakup because my ex and I had all the same friends. It sucks but I am unable to hang with my old support group because they chose my ex over me, and now I am alone. Through this loneliness I started finding what really makes me tick again (reading, running, yoga, video games, school), but this loneliness I believe is what is causing me to stay in this stage of depression.
Chi townD Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 Dude, you found one club, you can find another. Another interest. They're all over the place! Cycling clubs, running clubs......Get out and see what's on the other side of that door! There are about 7 billion people for you to meet. People are probably sick of me saying this, but I'll say it anyways. TRAVEL!!! Go see things that you've only read in books or seen pictures of. GO SEE THEM!!! Now, I'm not stupid, you just can't get up and leave. SO, find a place and save your money. Get a friend to go with you. Research the place, find places to stay, what's there to do. Then, once you worked out the finances....GO!!! Hell, I got two trips in the works right now. First one I have to take my wife on so I can do the other. I'm taking her to Macinaw Island over the summer for a small get-away and then I'm going to cycle the Camino de Santiago this time next year! Starting out in France and then entering Spain's Northeastern border and head west until I reach Sanitago on the western coast! It's gonna be awesome! But, I look forward to these trips...planning them, then executing them. Makes all my other troubles seem not so big. Keeps me motivated and a future goal I set for myself! Try it! 2
Author budley12 Posted April 4, 2012 Author Posted April 4, 2012 People are probably sick of me saying this, but I'll say it anyways. TRAVEL!!! Go see things that you've only read in books or seen pictures of. GO SEE THEM!!! Now, I'm not stupid, you just can't get up and leave. SO, find a place and save your money. Get a friend to go with you. Research the place, find places to stay, what's there to do. Then, once you worked out the finances....GO!!! Spending 6months in new zealand next year, I just have to make it till July then Im out of here. Cant wait; fresh new start, new people, new lifestyle... I hope to get over my ex during this trip, but then again I secretly hope it will give us the time apart to heal and maybe have him miss me. He too is studying abroad but in england, and he hasn't truly been alone since our breakup, so I am hoping he may truly miss me then, then again he will probably miss the relationship he is currently in. Who knows, I think hope is what stops us from being able to move on.
Chi townD Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 Spending 6months in new zealand next year, I just have to make it till July then Im out of here. Cant wait; fresh new start, new people, new lifestyle... I hope to get over my ex during this trip, but then again I secretly hope it will give us the time apart to heal and maybe have him miss me. He too is studying abroad but in england, and he hasn't truly been alone since our breakup, so I am hoping he may truly miss me then, then again he will probably miss the relationship he is currently in. Who knows, I think hope is what stops us from being able to move on. DAMN!!! SOOO JEALOUS!!!!! Australia and Antartica is the only two continents I haven't been on....YET!!! You are going to have sooo much fun in New Zealand. I understand Kiwi's can be a little crazy so go nuts with them. Go to Wellington and Hobard and visit Tazmania and see where the Devil comes from!!!! 1
Philosoraptor Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 It's not fun is it? My ex did everything she could to try and make me jealous. Every time she would come back to pick up a few things or visit animals in what was our shared home, she would bring her new man. As she realized that I really didn't care what she was up to she went crazier and tried to do more. I've never heard two people talk so loudly about how wonderful their life was when they were just feet apart. It still gives me the giggles Like yourself, I had to learn me again as well. Turns out I had a lot more people on my side than I imagined. In the end, it's best to just let it go. What did he really win? What did you really lose? 2
Michaeltuesday Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 Man that is tough. I would say that if you've lost your friends, get out of there circles and that even means places they frequent. You see as much as it hurts, she probably loves seeing you with no one and still in your area as she knows what you're up to. If you want her back then you need to be out of her sight, and if you're out of her sight anyway, you'll slowly start to recover. Its obvious how angry you are by writing this, so it will be apparent by your facial expressions and body language when you're around her and she'll know it. Out of sight, out of mind for you. Out of sight, in her mind for her.
flitzanu Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 one thing you need to remember, your issue is with YOU and your EX, not the other person. beating the crap out of him would make as much sense as any other random person on the street. he isn't your problem or obstacle, the EX is.
mike588 Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 I never get jealous when I see my ex. with someone else because my parents taught me to give my used toys to the less fourtnate. 1
DisGai Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 Out of sight, out of mind for you. Out of sight, in her mind for her. What an insightful comment.. thank you so much!
DisGai Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 one thing you need to remember, your issue is with YOU and your EX, not the other person. beating the crap out of him would make as much sense as any other random person on the street. he isn't your problem or obstacle, the EX is. It's a bit more than "any other random person on the street." Let's say this guy had been chasing after the Ex while the OP and his Ex were dating (and perhaps while the relationship was falling apart). That's just wrong imo. Nevertheless, beating the crap out of him would not do any good for anyone 1
flitzanu Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 It's a bit more than "any other random person on the street." Let's say this guy had been chasing after the Ex while the OP and his Ex were dating (and perhaps while the relationship was falling apart). That's just wrong imo. Nevertheless, beating the crap out of him would not do any good for anyone can't control the actions of another person, only of yourself. if the ex didn't say "no", then why should i be mad at someone else? but yes i get it. it's easier to have a target and to think "hey that guy stole my girl" (or any other combo of those pronouns) instead of "hey my girl obviously didn't care about our relationship and left me for that guy".
Author budley12 Posted April 4, 2012 Author Posted April 4, 2012 one thing you need to remember, your issue is with YOU and your EX, not the other person. beating the crap out of him would make as much sense as any other random person on the street. he isn't your problem or obstacle, the EX is. I am not the fighting type, but just the thought of doing it made me feel empowering I guess. The new guy though actually has a big part in the background story for the BU. He was feeding my ex lies saying how I cheated and how he would be so much better, and I guess my ex eventually believed him and left me for him (even though my ex still blames me for him losing the love for me, which hurt me even more). The new guy also has never been in a relationship and has an "innocence" to him, and has never had any sexual encounters and whatnot. So here my ex and I had an unhealthy start to our relationship which left scars (but we worked through them), but as soon as this new guy accused me of cheating (which I DID NOT do) it was the last straw and my ex wanted the drama/hurt to end. "I never get jealous when I see my ex. with someone else because my parents taught me to give my used toys to the less fourtnate." I saw that post in my "healing with quotes" thread, and it put such a big smile on my face. I almost made it my facebook status, but then I stepped back and thought about how childish it would make me look... but thank you for sharing this quote!!!
Author budley12 Posted April 4, 2012 Author Posted April 4, 2012 It's a bit more than "any other random person on the street." Let's say this guy had been chasing after the Ex while the OP and his Ex were dating (and perhaps while the relationship was falling apart). That's just wrong imo. Nevertheless, beating the crap out of him would not do any good for anyone If the new guy had never entered the picture and made himself seem like an angel and perfect compared to me, my ex wouldnt have left me. We would have worked through our issues. But rather than communicating my ex wanted something new; a fresh start with someone new. The new guy actually schemed and planned with a close mutual friend between my ex and I on how to break us up. In my eyes my new ex's relationship is based on lies and deception, so I hope my ex sees through this facade and misses me -then again by that time I hope to have moved on and he will be the one doing the chasing. As for the mutual friend who backstabbed me, we are no longer friends... but I heard through the grapevine she is miserable now because she has no place in my ex's new relationship and she feels left out (whereas in the past me, my ex, and her would hang out in a trio since we all lived together in the dorms for 2years). She now realizes she was used by the new guy just to get to my ex. I also had heard she wants to become friends with me again but she thinks "i hate her" -"hate" is too strong of a word for me, however I do have great DISDAIN. I am too forgiving.
Author budley12 Posted April 4, 2012 Author Posted April 4, 2012 can't control the actions of another person, only of yourself. if the ex didn't say "no", then why should i be mad at someone else? but yes i get it. it's easier to have a target and to think "hey that guy stole my girl" (or any other combo of those pronouns) instead of "hey my girl obviously didn't care about our relationship and left me for that guy". I understand that ultimately my ex had the choice of either leaving me for his new relationship or stay with me. But finding out that the new guy was poisoning my ex with lies and saying "my grass is greener than his" when my ex and I were having normal relationship problems I feel that I have a right to have a great deal of animosity towards him and can put a big portion of the blame on the new guy. If he was not in the picture my ex and I would have worked through our problems and would most likely still be together.
flitzanu Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 I understand that ultimately my ex had the choice of either leaving me for his new relationship or stay with me. But finding out that the new guy was poisoning my ex with lies and saying "my grass is greener than his" when my ex and I were having normal relationship problems I feel that I have a right to have a great deal of animosity towards him and can put a big portion of the blame on the new guy. If he was not in the picture my ex and I would have worked through our problems and would most likely still be together. well, what you mentioned above does paint the picture a bit differently, if he was being a douche and trying to make you into an *******. intentionally putting down someone's partner just to make yourself look better and to sway their attention is a different story. i should have mentioned that. if a random person hits on another, and does not "discuss" relationship issues, they'd be a neutral person hitting on someone that happens to be in a relationship. in that situation, the partner should be blamed. but good point, i shoulda clarified.
Philosoraptor Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 I never get jealous when I see my ex. with someone else because my parents taught me to give my used toys to the less fourtnate. Oh my, very clever
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