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rdb

By rdb
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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rdb Member

rdb

Posted
Posted (edited)

Sup everybody,

 

Basically I've been strict no contact with my ex since mid-January, we broke up in November 2011. (You can read the back story here/how i was coping http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/313066-how-do-i-get-rid-hate-i-have-her ) When I put up my "Berlin Wall" and deleted her from fb she was very frustrated and we had a long drawn out last convo which she made it a point to tell me she blocked me on fb and was deleting my number.

 

The shock and awe of losing the first girl I gave a piece of my heart to really hit me when she said that, but it was exactly what I had asked for so in an underlying way I was pleased. I'm doing much better in all aspects now. While it crosses my mind every now and then, I don't really give it much attention anymore. I'm casually dating around, my depression issues that were unrelated at the core but fueled by her have subsided, and I have a lot going for me.

 

As part of my 'healing', I told her happy birthday last month via text. I did it because I wanted our last interaction to be pleasant. She was my first love, and after the breakup things were beyond disgusting, I wanted to get the bad taste out of my mouth. She appreciated the sediment. It was a very short exchange, I didnt ask/didnt share anything personal and neither did she. I then deleted her number from my phone.

 

Today, out of the blue, she texted me. My cousin is very sick in the hospital and she started to volunteer in another department. She claimed she saw his file and took it as a 'sign from God' to contact me. I responded by giving her an update on him and saying I hoped all was well. She said she was praying for me and my family, to which I said I appreciate it. Nice to hear from you. She said she wishes the circumstances were better, I said me too. Then she got defensive and said "I think it is best we stay out of each others lives" to which I said I'm not offering anything else. Have a good easter. That was the end of it.

 

My question is, what exactly is going on? Based off of this, do you think I'm going to get more contact? I'm debating blocking her number. I know I probably shouldn't have responded at all but in all honesty it caught me off guard and gave me a reason to procrastinate on my research paper. I'm an impulsive person.

Edited by rdb
TripLine Established Member

TripLine

Posted
Posted

First person to make contact is the weak one. True story.

budley12 Established Member

budley12

Posted
Posted

I wouldn't necessarily say "first person to make contact is the weak one". Both parties heal in different ways at different times. My ex for instance was fine with trying to stay friends because he had moved on. I however could not do it, and had to cut all NC. Would I be the weak one then if a few months or years from now to initiate the contact again? -I dont think so, I would think I would be stronger for having been able to go so long without contact to heal and realizing I have moved past this obstacle and can now truly be "civil" without having hopes of "us". Just a different perspective on it.

Redbul Member

Redbul

Posted
Posted

I think all this blocking and defriending just makes us look angry and immature. I would never block my exes number or defriend him on fb, I would feel silly and petty and Im sure it would appear that I wasnt able to control my emotions. What I might do is unsubscribe from their fb updates so you dont see all their activity which would be painful.

Just sit on it and keep a cool head

Senateguy Member

Senateguy

Posted
Posted
I think all this blocking and defriending just makes us look angry and immature. I would never block my exes number or defriend him on fb, I would feel silly and petty and Im sure it would appear that I wasnt able to control my emotions. What I might do is unsubscribe from their fb updates so you dont see all their activity which would be painful.

Just sit on it and keep a cool head

 

In the heat of the moment....good luck with that strategy, you'll just be miserable.

 

The best way out is to just disappear.

robkris8079 Established Member

robkris8079

Posted
Posted
I think all this blocking and defriending just makes us look angry and immature. I would never block my exes number or defriend him on fb, I would feel silly and petty and Im sure it would appear that I wasnt able to control my emotions. What I might do is unsubscribe from their fb updates so you dont see all their activity which would be painful.

Just sit on it and keep a cool head

 

 

I don't find defriending angry or immature. I'm not friends with my ex. I don't talk to, contact, attempt to reconcile or anything. Why would I want her pic up ontop of my friends list? I can't control my emotions. If I could I wouldn't be on this site.

 

If she thinks it's immature or out of anger the question that comes to mind is why in the world would I care what she thinks at this point.

 

With a breakup I just block the news feeds, defriend, and untag erase photo's. All that actually made me feel pretty good.

SilverBlueAndGold Established Member

SilverBlueAndGold

Posted
Posted
In the heat of the moment....good luck with that strategy, you'll just be miserable.

 

The best way out is to just disappear.

 

I agree with this, very few people have the kind of willpower needed to do this on their own. Had to cut all Facebook contact including blocking not to hide anything from her, but to keep my own dumb arse from being tempted to snoop.

 

Know what I found the last time I did snoop? The lyrics to "Gives you Hell" by All American Rejects.

 

Real subtle....yea that was the last straw for me.

 

I know my weakness, trying to be strong about it is like trying to quit drinking and spending all my free time at the bar watching everyone else drink.

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rdb Member

rdb

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I deleted her because the day after we broke up I unsubscribed/hid her. Every time I snooped I saw something new that indicated another guy was making moves towards her. I realized I wanted no part in her immediate future and I didnt need her thinking she had a place in mine. I don't regret doing it. Honestly any sort of emotional reaction to pressing a button on facebook is just as 'childish' as pressing the button in the first place.

 

I just can't be 'friends' with someone who looked me dead in the eye and said they no longer loved me. It is like trying to end a crack addiction then bringing a pipe and a rock to the halfway house.

flitzanu Established Member

flitzanu

Posted
Posted
Sup everybody,

 

Basically I've been strict no contact with my ex since mid-January, we broke up in November 2011. (You can read the back story here/how i was coping http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/313066-how-do-i-get-rid-hate-i-have-her ) When I put up my "Berlin Wall" and deleted her from fb she was very frustrated and we had a long drawn out last convo which she made it a point to tell me she blocked me on fb and was deleting my number.

 

The shock and awe of losing the first girl I gave a piece of my heart to really hit me when she said that, but it was exactly what I had asked for so in an underlying way I was pleased. I'm doing much better in all aspects now. While it crosses my mind every now and then, I don't really give it much attention anymore. I'm casually dating around, my depression issues that were unrelated at the core but fueled by her have subsided, and I have a lot going for me.

 

As part of my 'healing', I told her happy birthday last month via text. I did it because I wanted our last interaction to be pleasant. She was my first love, and after the breakup things were beyond disgusting, I wanted to get the bad taste out of my mouth. She appreciated the sediment. It was a very short exchange, I didnt ask/didnt share anything personal and neither did she. I then deleted her number from my phone.

 

Today, out of the blue, she texted me. My cousin is very sick in the hospital and she started to volunteer in another department. She claimed she saw his file and took it as a 'sign from God' to contact me. I responded by giving her an update on him and saying I hoped all was well. She said she was praying for me and my family, to which I said I appreciate it. Nice to hear from you. She said she wishes the circumstances were better, I said me too. Then she got defensive and said "I think it is best we stay out of each others lives" to which I said I'm not offering anything else. Have a good easter. That was the end of it.

 

My question is, what exactly is going on? Based off of this, do you think I'm going to get more contact? I'm debating blocking her number. I know I probably shouldn't have responded at all but in all honesty it caught me off guard and gave me a reason to procrastinate on my research paper. I'm an impulsive person.

 

what do i think? i think it was a convenient reason for her to check in on you, and the fact you responded, means you didn't/don't hate her. you fed her ego.

 

and no i doubt you'll hear from her again.

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