Am313 Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 Hello everyone, I've posted a couple threads on here about my situation with my ex: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/320275-me-understand-my-ex-why-do-i-miss-her http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/319610-i-ended-things-i-believe-she-hurt-me-purposely-should-i-mad Long story short, after a 4 month relationship with insanely good chemistry, but with a bad woman, my ex and I split. She dumped me and I didnt chase. We got back together for a couple weeks a month later. She told me how much loves me, that she needs me in her life, she could never hurt me, and that shes scared to give herself away to me because she knows with me "it will be forever." She hurt me pretty badly a couple weekends ago, so I ended things and blocked her number. I cannot look at her the same, and I know I can't be with her. After a week I unblocked her and wasn't mad anymore. In the middle of the night I get these angry text messages, calling me every name in the book, saying she hopes im miserable without her, etc. I sent her a text after finding out she went home with some guy the next night. The text said were better off as friends, nothing about anyone else. Well I got no response but I saw her last night at the bar. I played it cool, she have me a big hug from behind and when I literally pulled her grip apart she says "I'm just messin' with ya'" and I said "yeah that's all you do". She saw me texting another girl (she was peaking) and then I went outside and had a convo with the other girl. My ex opened the door up twice, the second time saying "stop playing with yourself". I left shorty after, give my ex a hug and kiss on the cheek. As soon as I got in my car she texts me shes sorry for the other night, she didn't mean it and that she had bottled up anger towards someone else and let it out on me (I'm thinking her ex husband, but I didn't ask). I told her I appreciate the apology. Then she starts writing smilies that basically say she loves me and asked if I'm getting hot yet. I made a quick comeback followed by a goodnight. She then says please don't hate me, I'm so sorry, I was angry drunk and don't remember, whatever happened I can't change it but I'm sorry for hurting you. My only response was that she didn't hurt me that night, but she did another night (the reason I blocked her, she won't even acknowledge that night) I told her to relax, I forgive but don't forget, all is well, and that I love her, and then goodnight. No response. I don't hurt anymore but I miss her like crazy. I cannot be with this woman, I know this, but I'm thinking about her and I really miss being around her and our chemistry.*
Chi townD Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 -Goes to the bar at least 4 nights a week, sometimes 6 -Frequent foul language -Claims to be a Christian* -When we were seeing each other she picked some guy up, brought him to he bar where we were, and then left and went home with him.* - Goes to Cleveland to see her ex-husbands friend, of whom she has a half naked picture of. -Begged me to be with her, to let my guard down and commit. As soon as I did, she dumped me and went on a date with someone, who she also went home with.* -I find out about the date and ignore her. Finally I tell her I know, and she begs, cries, pleads, drives by my house and waits for me to get off work.* -We become exclusive, break up a month later. -Get back together after weeks of me not chasing her and generally acting like I don't care.* -Within two weeks she asks for space. I don't let it bother me, then within a couple hours she asks me to come over -Her mood swings (or fake emotions, I'm not sure) bug me, so I write a break up letter telling her how much I love but she needs to figure herself out. -2 days no contact, we see each other again, sleep together, and stay the night. -Next day she asks me to hang out with her at the bar. She then proceeds to ignore me, flirt with other guys in front of me, etc. -Then I dump her, block all her calls, go NC* -two nights ago she texted me calling me every name in the book, telling me I'm putting her through so much. We talked briefly, but I kept the door open to the future. -Last night she draws attention to herself, friends let me know she was with some guy, and she went home with him -This morning texted her that we're better off as friends. No response. This is what you wrote on the events that happened. Now, I'm going to write something that you won't enjoy hearing, but here it is.....you're being a frickin idiot! This girl is immature and is screwing with your head three ways from friday and you're letting her. Seeing her, telling her YOU LOVE HER (ummm....read the first paragraph again, you know....the one you wrote). Congrats on rewarding bad behavior!!! Here's the rub, she doesn't truely love you, you don't do anything of what you described to someone you love. She's not your friend for the same reason! She screwed you over BUT GOOD and now she thinks things are cool between the two of you. I can't believe that you said you loved her when you witnessed her going home and screwing someone else! AND SHE KNOWS YOU SAW ALL OF THIS!!!! Dude, cut this tumor out of your life and find your spine! GO NC AND STAY THERE!!!! Or...get sucked right back into her little games. 1
Author Am313 Posted April 4, 2012 Author Posted April 4, 2012 (edited) Oh, she's incredibly immature. 27 year old woman who has the maturity level of a high school girl when shes in public. It's like shes never grown up. I know I can't be with her, this is a fact. She could never, ever change into the woman I want. She truly is a great person on the inside but she has so much darkness holding it all back. I really believe that she has serious emotional/personality disorders that she's had probably since teenage years. I don't know why, never asked, but she brought up a conversation about those types of disorders in her family, and she thinks she maybe bi-polar. I cannot for the life of me understand why she is the way she is. I told her I love her because it's true. When she went home with someone else I know why she did it. She was playing mind games. But I cut tied after that. After I had a serious knee injury she begged me to talk to her and I forced her to explain herself. At this point in our relationship she was just someone I kept around. Believe me, she was just another girl for most of our relationship. Things only got serious for me when I realized how much crap she has in her life (she is genuinely going through an incredibly stressful time in her life, so many bad things at once happening, and she has only talked about it recently, but I've known for months.) it's like I wanted to make her happy. Maybe there is something wrong with me. I told her I love her and I mean it, and it doesn't effect me at all saying it. I don't expect anything to change, I only say it because she needs to hear it. But I ain't handing that **** out like candy, either. I've flat out told her when we were together that I'm not even sure if I'm in love with you. I told her as a person I love her and care about her, but I also explained that I feel the same way about family and close friends. I tell my old partner (work partner) that I love her all the time, so does she. Like I said, I don't hurt anymore. I just miss her, and I need to get over it. Seeing her last night didn't do anything except make me feel like she still wants me (which is cool), but it didn't change anything. I still don't want her, I just want to stop missing her. I'm not texting her nor am I calling her, and I'm going to avoid the bar as well. I'm just venting right now because I had a moment of weakness and my mind started wandering. Thanks Chi! Edited April 4, 2012 by Am313
Chi townD Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 okay, I get it. You don't want to be with her. But, you're never going to heal if you have contact with her. And you are definately not healed if your missing her. Telling her that you love her and making it seem like "everything is cool" is only easing her guilt and letting her know that ALL of that crap that she put you through is okay. I understand that you don't want to get back with her, but rewarding her bad behavior isn't doing her any favors. It was okay to pull that crap on you, she now believes she can pull this crap on anyone else or the poor shmuck she has her next relationship with. She never had to do a personal inventory on herself. She tore your heart out, but everything is roses as far as she's concerned right now! There are no consequences to her action because you never allowed her to be accountable. And you know what? It's okay to forgive, but you didn't have to do it so quickly. It's also okay for them to stew a little bit and having them THINK about their actions and behaviors that brought them to this point. I hope some of that made any sense to you. 1
Author Am313 Posted April 4, 2012 Author Posted April 4, 2012 "Telling her that you love her and making it seem like "everything is cool" is only easing her guilt and letting her know that ALL of that crap that she put you through is okay." This x100000. Man, I should have thought of that. Nothing I can do about that now? A huge part of me has always wanted this woman to see the messed up crap she did and to acknowledge it.
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