josephangel00 Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 I am new to forum first of all.. So hello to all. Anyways now down to the nitty gritty.... My gf just recently broke up with me 2 weeks ago nearly and I been having a hard time. here's the story... Everybody has been telling my ex Ally (when we were together) "break up with your bf (Jose - me)"... it had went on for awhile. she went to have cosmetic surgery. she had been recovering for like 9 weeks. all that time i barely get to see her that much. she claims that same time i don't engage her in conversation as much (which i do try to do) and being away from her long periods of time wasn't easy for me either! Then one day i got an anonymous text message saying "Ally has been lying to you and been seeing someone else, ask her to tell you the truth" , i confronted Ally about it & she told me a dude named "marcus" been telling her to break up with me and to leave me cuz he wanted her. She believes it was him. At a concert we go to marcus comes to me but all i told him was " i don't want to talk!" and then Ally comes in the middle of us trying to nuetralize the situation and marcus then leaves the situation! marcus then texts me a million times saying stuff like "im gonna kick your ass" . I asked Ally "why am I having to deal with this guy now? " then we get into a argument and she gets upset with me. I get soo upset I break my cell phone! marcus still continues to annoy me with his message and i asked ally " are you sure you don't like this guy? or what not?" and then another arguement breaks out (while we were on the phone) and I get soo upset i punched the wall a few and she heard it. Afterwards breaks up with me because she says " i can't be around violence i have a daughter to protect and think about!" which is completely understandable but the whole months we were together i never once met her daughter nor did she even introduce me to her family once! I have also never once laid my hands on her or another woman. ok now some backround on me .. I am former army . I do suffer from Post traumatic stress. Which at the same time Im currently in therapy for and seeking help because i do have aggressive actions when provoked. She still talks to me but she doesn't know if she wants me in a relationship again or not because she claims she too is hurt and didn't want to break up with me. I told her i was sorry numerous times and vented out how much i love her and asked her as many questions as i can about how to repair this relationship. it now has gotten to a point where i can't ask her about this relationship anymore without upsetting her so now whenever i talk to her i can't talk about anything related to our relationship. she claims to love me but still won't tell me if she'll want another relationship with me or not. yet i know if i were to see another woman or start moving on with my life it will hurt her. yet this situation is really hurting me. is there more to meets the eye on this situation? is she really hiding the fact she likes marcus or someone else and was looking for an excuse out of this relationship? Am I wasting my time waiting for her to decide if she'll take me back? what should i do? i need some advice to help me cope with this... Thanks... Jose
jtnc2012 Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 is she really hiding the fact she likes marcus or someone else and was looking for an excuse out of this relationship? Dude . . . bingo!
Author josephangel00 Posted April 4, 2012 Author Posted April 4, 2012 Dude . . . bingo! can you elaborate for me please?
jtnc2012 Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 She was only looking for a way out of the relationship. When you punched the walls she ran with it. Punching a wall is not a deal breaker. If I get in an argument with my guy and he punches the wall or door (and it has happened), I am happy he knows to take out his anger on inanimate objects instead of me. Go out with someone, hookup with some girls, watch some porn, read a book, workout, masturbate in public places(lol), travel, go back to school, write a book . . . these are all ways to cope with a break up and/or the agony of an ex. 3
budley12 Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 my ex wanted out too and found the most ridiculous reason to end things, and then blamed me for the lost love due to past actions on my part which he had once forgiven. if they were able to come up with a reason it would make it seem like they were not the bad person for ending it, but rather to "justify" them losing their love for us. It sucks...
rdb Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 This marcus guy was very blatant with his intentions. From what you said she did not ever stick up for you. This could've all been ended if she hadn't been having conversations with him in which he was saying how much he wanted her. I'm sorry to say she just wanted a way out. Trust me, unless she wants a guy who cheats/plans on cheating too, her and Marcus won't work out. If he was willing to have her cheat on you, he will be willing to cheat on her as soon as he gets bored. But always remember she chose him over you. Stay out of that mess. If you don't you will get caught up in a weird love triangle. Guys like Marcus chase anything, get it and get bored, leave, then a few months later come back chasing again and she probably won't say no again. Don't repeat history/avoid the spin cycle.
bretthernan Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 (edited) I personally hate it when other men decide to hijack someone else's relationship for personal gain. Guys like that are never going to ever have fulfilling and meaningfully deep relationships that will work out and rightfully so. Chances are; if she wasn't interested in this Marcus guy he wouldn't have been trying to make moves on her at all. He would have given up quick. The fact that he hung around shows that she didn't tell him to take a hike when he started his advances. She should have told him 'no' from the moment he showed a flicker of interest in her as anything other than a friend. She should have told him go away and find another girl. If he really was hassling her and wouldn't leave her alone then she should have told you in the first place, after all that's your girl he's messing with. The fact that she didn't tell him to go away shows that she's not committed completely to you and that she at least entertained and at worst encouraged his advances toward her. She may have flirted with him. Give her the benefit of the doubt of course. Ask yourself, how long after Marcus started seeing her did she tell you about him? It took a text message for you to find out didn't it? Maybe Marcus sent it because he wanted to break you two up. I would imagine that if my girlfriend was having problems with someone's unwanted advances that I'd hear about it pretty quick and from her, not from some anonymous text messager. Maybe she did tell him to take off or she told him he didn't have a chance with her. That's the most important question when it comes to making your final decision. This is important too and might go a long way to telling you something about her inner self: She's in love with you and she goes and has cosmetic surgery and (unless it was corrective) it shows that she's got a desire to appear attractive to men, and I mean that as other men, not just you. You have been a soldier. If the enemy says 'I surrender' and then immediately starts loading their weapon what do you determine? If you'd told her that she is beautiful to you and your opinion should be enough to make her happy would she still have gone through with the cosmetic surgery? To me the fact that she wanted to make herself more appealing, more attractive is evidence that she's not satisfied with your opinion and your affection alone. You should be with a woman who loves you exclusively for you are and how that makes her feel about herself without the desire for the flattery of other men. All men and women deserve this at the least in their relationship with their life partner. Do you know why they say, 'All's fair in love and war'? Because they're not really all that different as spheres of activity. You are in a battle where the enemy (Marcus) has invaded or seeks to invade your territory (your relationship) and he has used a confusing ruse (text message) to try and trick you into leaving the area because you think you've already been overpowered. All you can do now that the initial damage has been done is scope for evidence that he is actually in the territory or whether he is going to invade soon. If you retreat he will try to move in if he hasn't already. Now that technically you have broken up I'd be patient and see what, if anything, develops between your girlfriend and Marcus and then make your decision to move on. Read the signs. Trust your instincts. Control your actions. Look out for yourself. You are the most important person in this relationship now. You might be better off to just move on either way though. In order to cope, if you do decide not to see her any more there is a method of mind control you can use that might help you not to obsess and think about it and her all the time. It is called the 'Banishing Star'. How it works is that you get in your mind the image of a star. It can look any way you like. It is a symbol that means that person has to leave your mind. Every time that person enters your thoughts you try to remember to think of the Banishing Star that puts them out of your mind again. It's not easy to do but it does help a bit and helps you to not think about the situation all the time, which is totally normal by the way. 'I give to you the Banishing Star, at the sight of it you will go far.' Edited April 4, 2012 by bretthernan forgot something important 1
Author josephangel00 Posted April 4, 2012 Author Posted April 4, 2012 Thanks everyone for the input and opinions. I appreciate it! As far as I am concerned im giving her until April 22 to make her decision if i hear nothing I am going to assume she will want nothing. what do you guys think?
Author josephangel00 Posted April 4, 2012 Author Posted April 4, 2012 btw did i mention she does not tell who tells her to break up with me? that kinda means she doesn't trust me right? as the old saying goes " if there is no trust there is no relationship" right?
Recommended Posts