b18bme Posted June 15, 2004 Posted June 15, 2004 I am just starting the no contact thing and I am gonna need help from people on this board. I am really excited to get this process underway because the sooner we don't talk the sooner we can atleast talk as friends and be civil with each other again. I think I pushed way to much and begged. I feel like I have been such a push over. The good news is we want to still be friends and my ex said chances are better that we will get back together, then the chance of us not. She also said something to me that really hit home. She said " You say you want to be back with me so bad and you want a second chance, but the only way that will happen is if you leave me alone. And you wont so that is just like saying you don't want me back". Wow that was a slap in the face. It made me realize that if I really want her back then I really need to just let her go. The saying goes "If you love something let it go, If it comes back it is yours. If it doesn't then it never was". I know I was hers and she was mine so I am confident that things will go as they need to. I am just really happy that I know the sooner I don't talk the sooner I will be able to talk to her as my friend again. That is gonna be my drive to not contact her. I am still gonna need the help though and I really appreciate everybody on here it helps so much!!!!!!
StartingAgain Posted June 15, 2004 Posted June 15, 2004 I was never a fan of the no contact thing and thought it a crock. My ex and I pledged that we wouldn't play the "we're-divorcing-so-I-hate-you" game and would strive to remain friends. But all we could do when we talked is argue and stab each other with bitter barbs. So I decided that I would have no contact with her for awhile unless it was absolutely necessary. I didn't call or email. Even quit sending her jokes, pics, etc. If she called me, I was cordial, answered her questions, whatever, and then got off the phone as quickly as possible. I haven't seen her in over two months (very tough!) As time goes by, I noticed that the anger I had with her was slowly subsiding. Why shouldn't it? I no longer have to tolerate her deliberately pressing every button she can and walking all over the boundries I'd set. Recently, when we talk, it's really alot more like it was when we were dating all those years ago. Pleasant, joking, laughing, etc. If she starts encroaching on one of my boundries (talking about her OM is a major no-no), I politely warn her off. If she persists or starts to become confrontational, I simply say "well, I have to run. See ya." So it is getting better. And she now understands that *I* am in complete control over my life. I sometimes wonder if I should not have insisted on a separation. Maybe we could have calmed down and work through it all. You mention that you begged and pleaded. I did the same thing. I busted my hump trying to save my marriage. Nothing, but nothing worked. I learned two things. One is that when a woman in having an affair there is nothing you can do to work on your marriage while she is seeing her OM. She'll flat refuse to do it. All you can do is sit back and endure the pain of the betrayal and hope that whe will come to her senses before you can't take it anymore. The other thing I learned is that a woman emotionally divorces her husband long before she goes for the legal divorce. Once she's done this, she finished. It may be months or years before she actually hires a lawyer, but you cease to be her husband and at best, she will just go through the motions of being married. This has been called the "run away wife syndrome." It can be triggered by your bad behavior or it could have nothing to do with you. But once she's emotionally divorced you, there is almost no chance of winning her back. She no longer cares and all your efforts only strengthen her resolve. Brace yourself for this reality: women will often say that they want to remain friends after a failed marriage. Quiet often, they don't really mean it. They are just sugar-coating things for you and trying to come to terms with their failure. But on the other hand, it isn't unheard of for a woman to go off, lick her wounds, and learn that she rerally does love her husband and that the problems weren't so bad after all. Reconciliation is possible. So I think your plan of action is a good one. You are the one being dumped and it's always, always harder on the dumpee. You're in for a hard road. Get your support system in order. Family and friends can be a tremendous help. One other warning: don't depend too heavily on your married friends, especially friends of you and your wife, for support. Divorce scares the hell out of married people ("There, but by the grace of God....") and they tend to distance themselves from a divorcing friend. If they are friends of both the partners, it's very hard for them to fence-sit. Finally, most on-line divorce support forums are extremely toxic. I'd advise you to stay away from them. You have enough problems to deal with and most of these groups are dominated by very angry women (some rightfully so). They will vent their frustration on you simply because you are a man. You don't need that right now. Unfortunately I have not been able to find an on-line group just for men... Well, there was one, but it was incredibly misogynistic. You can't work on your marriage anymore, so you have a great opportunity to work on yourself. You have to take care of yourself. Now is the time to be completely selfish.
dudesomewhere Posted June 16, 2004 Posted June 16, 2004 hmm...I guess with most people and maybe everyone except me the no contact thing is to get someone back? Damn, no contact to me means no forever, hehe. that said...go get some video/pc games and play on my friend...play on *snif* *snif*
Author b18bme Posted June 16, 2004 Author Posted June 16, 2004 I am just giving her the space she wants so she can really see what she wants. Then it gives her time to miss me and time for me to miss her. Then we can both see if this is the right thing. It gives you time to see what you are missing or not missing. Also it can give her time to get some things done. When everything settles down we can look at things realistically instead of angry and hurting. If it doesn't happen well then atleast we have already got a start on living our own lives without eachother.
Author b18bme Posted June 16, 2004 Author Posted June 16, 2004 I am just sitting home and starting to think about her.... I want to call her so bad but I know she will just get really upset with me. I feel...I dont know what I feel. I really just want to hear her voice.
dreamguy Posted June 17, 2004 Posted June 17, 2004 b18bme, Have you read my reply to you on http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t40698/15-2 If not then read it entirely and focus on the part that says "use your own weakness to build up your strength !" Dude, DO NOT CALL HER. No matter how strong your urge is, just DON'T DO IT ! because you will only shoot yourself in the leg. Trust me on this will you ? If you call her then you're increasing the chances of not seeing her ever again. You have already done and said more than you should. So she knows how you feel and that you want her back so badly. Leave it at that because anything you do or say beyond that will only make things worse.
loveinasia Posted June 17, 2004 Posted June 17, 2004 I completely agree On my 4th day of No Contact, and basically, my story is that she left her ex-boyfriend for me, then after 1 week of begging her to come back, she decides to marry her ex (maybe out of guilt?). I called her a few times, said that she has to take the time to do what's right for HER.. She told me that she is constantly wondering if she made the right decision (and this is just days after she went back to him). I realized that regardless of what I said right now, it doesn't get through.. I need to do no contact for myself, and to give her time to stablize herself and her emotions and the evaluate. On the third day of no contact, she comes online (I blocked her though).. so, little by little, she's trying to establish contact with me. I hope it works!! Staying on this board certainly helps
rd1978 Posted June 17, 2004 Posted June 17, 2004 hey dream guy got a siuation,,,, girl of 5 years split ,,, said she wants to be on her own for a bit,, said she wants to be able to se other people ,, etc ,etc// so basically i told her what i thaught we should do to fix everything and make it like ist a freah relationship,,, but i didnt push anything ,,, no beggin nothing like that.. so i told her we cannot talk,, so immediatly after that she starts hanging out w/ this kid that has been tryiing to get with her for a while,,, but she is still calling me ,, i finally awnsered a call after she was leaving crying messages on my cell,, and we talked for a bit and i sent her an email i wrote,,, the email def puped her head up , it was obvious, she never had any power like that in our relationship and she was taking full advantage.... we ended up seeing each other that weekend,,, went to get a new cell,, she asked me to hang out... i could tell she couldnt be herself and had up a wall,,,she called me that night and wanted to know if i wanted her to bring over a movie,,,, didnt end up happening it was to late in the night,, first thing in the morning she calls,, called me a bunch of times that day,, then calls at like 9 at night ,, says i dont have the feeling right now i seem angry and grmupy when we hang out,,, soooo i tell her i love her im going to miss her.. BUT SHE HAS TO PROMISE ME 1 THING DO NOT CALL WRITE OR INSTAN MESSAGE ME.. she says ok,,,, ,, i said this comes along with the decision you have made,,, then she say but ill miss you after a couple of days,,,then we got off the phone... she called an hour after that conv like 5 times, she called the next morning , the next night ,,for 3 days after i dint awnser any of them,,, she tried to contact me thru instant messenger like 3or 4 times in 2 weeks but i didnt respond,, called 2 time on the phone didnt awnser,,,,, then i finally4 weeks later i responded to her instant message,, we talked for like 45 minuts about stuff and thenit got into us,, are past ,, i explained why are actions were sometimes the way they were.....i told her i was sorry for some things ,, the coversation went really well and dint slow down or stop,,, so we got of the comp,,, she called me 15 minutes later and we talked about thigns in general not us and the conversation flowed really wel better than it had in 4 years,, and she wouldnt stop talking she was so happy to talk to me,,,,she called me the next day monday mornign, then tuesday morning, then tuesday night but i didnt awnser that 1 i missed it and she didnt leave a mesage,, didnt call wensday and now its thursday.......all i can say is she was EXTREMLY EXCITED THAT WE WERE TALKING and i wasnt ignoring her,,, something weird though,, she got a new job just as we were splitting ,, so i asked her how it was... she said yeah you left me right around then ,,,what the hell is that?????? then another time she was like ,,,,, yeah thats about when you stopped talking to me...... i dont get it ? i know she was really happy to talk to me it seemed like we were bolth happy to talk there was no talki of missing anyone etc etc... i would rather keep it rfreidnly to try and get her comfotable,,, now keep in mind i have not called her in over a month,, since we split i NEVER called her or called her back just took calls she doesnt know anyhting about what im up to,,if im with anyone tc.. i do know she is hanging out with this other guy, how much? this other guy isnt anything great he's not good looking from my point of view and many others,, i think he was there for her when she was vulnerable for the past 3 months when things were not going perfect..... I just dont know shy she is calling me? i know she love me alot,, i knows he couldt come right back after we broke right up,, because it wouldnt solve anything,, and i know she isnt ont his power trip like she was in the begining,, she went nuts after i refused to tak her calls, goign out and drinking every other nigth being up late with this new job etc etc. but she has calmed down alot....the 1 thing is this other guy thats keeping her mind occupied and always asking her to do things,,,,, i fell that im going to feel the waters for the next week or so and if we keep talking then maybe ill aske her to hang out or tell her im going to come and kidnap her etc. etc. or should i wait for her to ask em to hang out,, she did that 70% of the relationship... she was always asking me to do stuff.... any suggestions????????
dreamguy Posted June 17, 2004 Posted June 17, 2004 Wow you really got all the details on this one. Exactly how many times she has called you and when she did it (you remember it all in detail). I must say 5 years is a long time to be with someone without being engaged (and of course you have been intimate with her all the way so many times during those 5 years). I commend you on the fact that you didn't act like a wuss and started calling her or even answering all her calls. Because the way you describe it, this girl was crawling back after you. Now at some point in your post you say "and we talked for a bit and i sent her an email i wrote,,, the email def puped her head up". What exactly did you write in that email of yours ? Then you say again "then tuesday night but i didnt awnser that 1 i missed it and she didnt leave a mesage,, didnt call wensday and now its thursday.......all i can say is she was EXTREMLY EXCITED THAT WE WERE TALKING and i wasnt ignoring her". What did you tell her during that conversation and did you show her your extreme excitement that night ? Then you say "then i finally4 weeks later i responded to her instant message,, we talked for like 45 minuts about stuff and thenit got into us,, are past ,, i explained why are actions were sometimes the way they were" You see, what I'm trying to say is that although you had the courage and the will to refrain from calling her (allowing her to do all the chasing) you might have jumped back in too fast ! It's always a bad idea to try and salvage a relationship by jumping back in hastily once you get the girl chasing you again. You need to erase everything that's happened between you two and pretend this is a new person. Start it off slowly and on the right foot. Most importantly, you should not bring up past issues and the reasons why you broke up. It might instantly flip a switch in her mind and she would be on the defensive again. If she is the one who talks about the past, tell her not to worry and that you got over it way ago. Then tactfully change the subject. While you're doing all that, take it one step at a time. Do not rush the dates one after the other (if she agrees to see you the first time, let HER be the one to set the second date). Do not start calling her every day. Do not mention your feelings, do not talk about how unhappy you were when she left you OR how happy you are now that you're back together. Are you with me on this one ? Just be cool and act as if you just met her (and yes this means no physical contact during the first few weeks. It's even better to wait until she makes the first physical contact). Remember, you're testing the waters and you don't want to scare her off by bringing back the past that caused you two to break up in the first place. If I were you and almost 1 month has passed since your last contact, I would call her and say (in a very calm and confident tone of voice) "hey it's been a while since we talked so I tought I'd give you a buzz and see how you were". then wait for her to talk and say something like, "I'm a bit busy these days [doing this and that and blablabla] but I'm free on Thursday night so how about we get together and grab a bite.". If the answer is yes, then remember everything I told you above. If the answer is no, give it some time and she will most likely call to make plans with you on a later occasion. Good luck and keep the faith !
rd1978 Posted June 17, 2004 Posted June 17, 2004 i might have confused you on timelines,,,, we have been broken up for like...6-7 weeks,, it started by her saying she was really confused then she said it more and the word break came up but was never inforced,, so instead of talking about thing's i said ok if this is how you feel we cant talk,, so she called for 4 days straight ,, i never awnsered then i called her back the next day,, she had a wall up already and we talked that weekend,, that is when she said i wnt to be able to do what i want and not have to awnser to anyone and be able to go out on dates if people ask etc. she said im not goign to get into anything serious...{dont know if i would believe that} so she called me an hour after that wanting to hang outt he next day and see how she felt,, but i told her it wouldnt be a good idea,, i mean she just broke up with me,,, come to find out she had made plans with that guy during the week to hang out the ngith we talked so i knew she had the power to be able to say what she said because she could go running to him another week goes by, no calls ,,, and i saw her out with some friends and this guy her friends saw me and i could tell something is up,, next thign i now she is runnig around holding his hand,,, i didnt say or do anything about it,, although i had like 10 guys that are huge i go to the gym with were going to wreck him and his friends...{not worth it} so insteadi left before i started trouble,,, she was DEF doing it because she was drunk and to get an upper hand,, but i dont understand {she broke up with my why would she want to make me jelious} and i could def kick this guys ass ,, so i dont get it,, the next week 2nd week,, she called crying saying i need to talk to you i need to tell you how i feel,, so finally after 4 days i awnsered and she was like im confused i dont thyink i want a relationship etc.etc. i really miss you alot,, so i say didnt look like it the other night when you were holding his hand,, and she was like i thaught i liked him,,, so i said why are you calling me then ,, and i got a miss you,, so i said i wrote an email im going to send it to you call me after you read it,, IN the email i basically said where we went wrong ,, how she means more to her than ive ever shown her ,, i was stressed by my job,, i think that we should have considered moving in togethor to see how things pan out,,,{ that would help us spend more time togethor} i will stop talking to all my friends that are girls and give her my attention ,,, change my hours at the gym , go in the morning sometimes,, and that we need to show affctiont o one another which we bolth kinda had a hard time doing,,, i told her i was ready for a commitment,, to take it to the next level and move on with our lives,,,, i also told her if she was meesing around with this kid at this point i could just put it in my past and be mature about because your someone who i could see having a future with etc. etc. and i said the past is the past what matter to me is how you feel about me and what kind of future we can have etc... And i told her NO more games im done with games... so that def gave her a rise i knew it gave her power but i had to be honest,, i said if this pumps you up then i dont want to bother but it def did,, so that when she called me to hang out that weekend and she had a wall up wasnt acting herself ,, blah blah and thats when we talked agin at the end of that weekend when she said i just dont feel it im grumpy angry etc etc.She actually wanted to go away for the night and go somewhere to get away from here to it was me and her to see how she feltthat when i told her not to call anymore do whatever it takes,,,and she called randomly for 4 weeks after that maybe 3- times and tried to instant message me 4-5 times... and that brings us to last sunday... when we talkeed ,, it started out as stuff in general just whatever, it was great i wasnt nervous,, when it started to get into our past ,, i asked her to please not talk abotut his right now,,but we did and she said thigns like some of the stuff thatw as said hurt me,, etc etc so i said you know i didnt mean that ,, and i askee her about something she said 1 time and she said i was pissed off you made me mad....so i said there you go thats why thigns were said that we didnt mean,, so i said if i could go back i would treat you the way my heart felt about you not the way thing's sometime happened out of jeliousy or anger,, so she asked if i really meant that , and i said yes,, there were a coupld of other thigns aid like that i thaught went real well,,, there was no talking about working things out,, or future or me or her seeing anyone,, which is what i wanted i want to be her friend first... ANd like i said she was sooooo excited to talk to me... her is th thing though,she doesnt know if i am seeing or with anyone,, etc ,etc i know she is very scared about putting herself back into this ,,, i know she prob think i might be real pissed and not want to work things out,,, i just know she is unsure of what i think abotu the situation,,, ,, i told her fromt he start you can have your cake and eat it to, and im assuming she is still hanging out with this guy,, if we do hang out there will be nothing physical for a while im not looking to rush into that ,, id like to completly start over and fresh and prove myself to her,,, she has been waiting for this for like 4 years to show her i want a future... i honestly think that if i asked her to go to dinner she woulnt say no she is being herself again , the wall deosnt seem to be there anymore,, maybe she got a dose of reality when i refused to talk to her,, sorry so long but i like to get the deatils in there
rd1978 Posted June 17, 2004 Posted June 17, 2004 but then agin for all i know she just wants to be my firend? i wouldnt think that is the case but you never know
Author b18bme Posted June 17, 2004 Author Posted June 17, 2004 Do you guys think that I pushed to hard and begged to much. I mean she really did get pretty upset with me last time we talked. She said "leave me alone for awhile". That was three days ago. I just have mixed feelings. I feel sometimes that there is no way she will get back together with me because of things she has said like... You will never change, If you do then the next person you date will be happy... Leave me alone...She says she feels like I am trying to put her on a guilt trip by telling her how I feel. She says it feels like I am tying to make her feel like she is doing something wrong when she feels like she is not. But then she has also said... Chances of us getting back together are much better then the chances of us not getting back together...she has said stuff like... i am just not ready to get back with you YET...If you want me back then you need to leave me alone for awhile...Las time we talked in person I told her that I have lost my best friends, and she said no I am right here. I also told her that I wanted to help her and see her go through her college of massage therapy, and she said... You will see me and help me go through it... and that she feels like I am taking this all to seriously. I love this girl so much. I need to let go but my heart really wont let me. It has been three days since we have talked and it feels like forever. ARE MY CHANCES SHOT FROM PUSHING AND BEGGING TO MUCH? I sent her a letter about stuff... no begging or asking for us to be back together but saying, That I was really scared in the beggining and acted like a fool. I said that we will be friends in time and I should have just given space in the first place to let that time happen sooner. I also said I am confident that we will be together again, because what we had was real and neither of us have ever let somebody in as close as we did with each other. I told her that during all of this it gives me a chance to look at things from the outside and see what we need to do different. And I am making myself better. I told her that we were best friends and that best friends can always forgive each other and become best friends again. I asked her to write me a letter back because she is really good at putting her feelings on to paper, and maybe it will be easy for her to say what she really wants to. I gave her a stamp in the letter and said I would really like you to write me a letter back, and to not hold anything back, but open and honest with her words. I am preparing myself for the worst but I need to know what her true feelings are as she has not really told me much except that she needs to be away from me. Thanks for the help keep posting please.......
dreamguy Posted June 17, 2004 Posted June 17, 2004 b18bme, You gotta start caring for your own happiness more than you care for hers. You should be your best friend, you should treat yourself, buy something new, congratulate yourself on the qualities you have, give other girls a thought and/or a chance. Most of all, you gotta stop those evil inner thoughts of having all your life and future revolve around her. You don't need anyone to be happy. Happiness is often a state of mind and you can achieve that on your own ! I don't know if you believe what I say (perhaps you do but you're scared to admit it). I'm telling you that this girl is most probably not going to return (if she ever does) unless you stop contacting her once and for all ! Do not attempt to get in touch with her even if months go by ! I've been there many times and, every single time, I thought I would never make it through as I watched the pain grow stronger in my heart ! Listen, I know it's like a nightmare without her. I know that every second you spend being away from her feels like forever. I know that life without her is like a rainbow without colors ! But believe me and believe all the people on this forum when we ask you to STOP CALLING HER, STOP MESSAGING HER, STOP SENDING HER EMAILS, STOP IT ALL. I mean you're not paying us to tell you what you want to hear ! We're all giving you FREE and GENUINE advice out of our own experience and mistakes in life. You're addicted to her, you're addicted to the feeling of having someone in your life, of having someone Love you and care for you. Trust me when I tell you that there are millions of people who can make you feel the same happiness if you only let them and if you only give yourself a break. I know, as soon as you read my words you will say "no way, she is the only one for me and I will never ever love anyone like that !". Have faith because you will Love again but you have to accept that she is not with you anymore for the time being. Stop guessing what will happen in the future. Live in the present instead and wait for the future to unfold its mysteries before your very own eyes ! By the way, the first period without her is always the hardest. It shifts from being normal to sudden depression many times per day or even per hour ! You have to know that as days go by, things WILL GET BETTER. No matter how strong your love and addiction for her. THINGS WILL GET BETTER and your feelings will fade. And it's ok if they fade, it's absolutely normal and human. You don't have to feel guilty about it. How fast this happens really depends on you. The more you hang on to your feelings (because you think that you should not stop loving someone you care for so much) and the more you feed your addiction with memories from the past... the longer it takes to heal and the more painful the healing process becomes. You gotta FIGHT IT ! If you need help, do not hesitate to talk to a therapist or post messages on this forum. I only ask you to take enough time to reflect on what I said and give it a try. What have you got to lose ? Nothing, you have everything to win starting with your own health and happiness !
BrotherD Posted June 18, 2004 Posted June 18, 2004 Dreamguy thanks for all you input. I like your angle... I'm hearing people here "jonesing" for their ex's after a few days! Try a couple of months! (that's where I'm at...) Dreamguy and others Although I am clear that NC is the best policy (and I have strictly adhered to it...) I'm still having a blue day here and there. Wondering what I could have done differently, why my ex went ice cold on me etc. Again, I am crystal clear that I cannot pursue, hence the over 60 days of NC My question is, when does the pining and stewing part subside? I'm dating again. Concentrating on me etc. Blah blah blah My ex is stubborn and I beleive anxious to talk to me, but we are in a pissing match. I have the the standard "what if I'm forgotten" pangs every now and then as well. I'm fairly sure that I'll need to initiate contact if we are ever going to speak again, but as stated before, NC remains in full effect no matter what... There are days when I 'm weak, would love to talk, but I know it's futile. Any ideas on how to stay strong and quit wondering when I'm gonna get a phone call? Thanks
Author b18bme Posted June 18, 2004 Author Posted June 18, 2004 I talked to her yesterday because she wanted me to call her after my sister had her baby. This is after she read the letter and she sounded really happy to talk to me and was excited to tell me all the things that she has been doing and what she has been up to, she talked to me for 20 minutes and I just listened most of the time it was great! I said earlier that I sent her a letter well here is a copy of the letter I sent her, Please read it and tell me what you think.... I was just really scared at first that you would just forget about me and just move on like I was nothing but another person in your life. As I look back I know I was so much more then just another person in your life. What we had was so real and it was love. I was blinded like I have said but the Vail has been lifted I can see so much that was right in front of me but for some reason I was either ignoring it or just didn't realize. I know how hard it was for you to come to the decision you did. I know how much it hurts you to see how much you hurt me. I know you need the time and space right now for yourself. I also know that when the time comes we can reconcile and start a new relationship. This is a really good thing cuz it shows me what we need, and what I need to do to treat you, and us right. If and when there is a new relationship I want to tell you how I know things can be better. After this break up it has shown me how much more I respect you and how much I really do care about you. It has also made me think about so much stuff I have never even thought about. There are many things we need to change in our relationship. I can see that now since I am on the outside looking in. I already know what I need to do and I am doing those things to better myself right now. I know you are going to agree with me when I say this... We don't need so much sexual tendencies in our relationship. We can be much better to each other and have much stronger feelings if we leave the sexual aspects of the relationship out. I don't mean just only hug and kiss and nothing else and be fine with that but when sexual things do happen they will be so much more special and bring us so much closer together when they do happen. Instead of them happening to much and not meaning as much. Don't get me wrong I loved every minute of everything we ever did, but in this situation it really seems like less is more. The less we do things the more it will mean to us when they happen. It will be so much more special and mean so much more to each other when sexual things do happen...instead of happening all the time, I really think that is a huge thing that we can change and it will make things so much better. Also Dayna we really need to work on listening to each other. I know I need to work on that more then you do but I think if we both work on it then things will be much better. When I am lost I know I can trust you to find me because when we met and during the first part of our awesome relationship I was so lost I thought my life was over. I had no idea what to do in life and had no idea where to go. You picked me up out of the gutter helped me dust myself off. You made me realize that life is so much more then what I was doing and you showed me how to love someone and you showed me how to love myself. I really am so thankful that you came into my life The saying goes like this (If you love something, let it go. If it comes back it is yours. If it doesn't then it never was.) I know that I was all yours and you were all mine. So I know I can let you go because I am so confident that we will return to and we can be us again. I am so confident that we will have are day to love each other again. You even said yourself that the chances of us getting back together were very good. I just should have listened so It could happen sooner, now it will take longer because I pushed to hard. I know I said awful things at times and we treated each other badly but that is all part of the learning experience. I can forgive you and forgive me. I know you will forgive me cuz that is just the type of person you are. You really are the most loving and happy human I know. I know after time and after we both heal, and grow from our relationship we will find love in each other again. Remember fate brought us together in the first place with meeting at raging waters when you weren't even going to go, and the message you left on my phone was an act of fate that is so clear to see. I was so happy to get that message from you. I was always wondering what happened to you but had no way to find out. Until that night you left your phone number and the best message I have ever received. I know fate will happen again for us. We can work together on making each other better. The bad words I have said were just exactly that, meaning words. I never had the bad feeling to go with them, thats how I know I did not mean them, and thats how I know you can forgive me. All of the good things I have said are true because I really did have the feeling behind them, and I still do! I know we will both leave the door open between us. We were and still are best friends and best friends will always forgive and find each other again. I just know it Dayna I can feel the passion between us and I can feel the love we have for each other. I know you have never let someone in as close as you let me and the same goes for me. I thank you for letting me inside of your heart. We have shared so much and we know each other so good. I know right now this sounds like alot, but that is why right now we are not together because we are not ready at this point in time. I know the time will come for us to be talking as friends again instead of trying to make each other see how we feel. I can't wait to be your friend again and I can't wait until I can hear you voice that sounds happy to talk to me and not mad and upset. You really are a strong person and I respect that very much. You are gonna be so successful in life. I can see it in your eyes. I can't wait until I can get lost in your big, deep, beautiful brown eyes. The eyes that seem to lure me in and not let me go. The time will come for us to be friends again and maybe even more, it will be a happy day for us both. We will talk happily again with each other in time. I know alot of what you say is out of frustration and I am truly sorry for frustrating you.
unreal Posted June 18, 2004 Posted June 18, 2004 Originally posted by b18bme I talked to her yesterday because she wanted me to call her after my sister had her baby. This is after she read the letter and she sounded really happy to talk to me and was excited to tell me all the things that she has been doing and what she has been up to, she talked to me for 20 minutes and I just listened most of the time it was great! I said earlier that I sent her a letter well here is a copy of the letter I sent her, Please read it and tell me what you think.... I was just really scared at first that you would just forget about me and just move on like I was nothing but another person in your life. As I look back I know I was so much more then just another person in your life. What we had was so real and it was love. I was blinded like I have said but the Vail has been lifted I can see so much that was right in front of me but for some reason I was either ignoring it or just didn't realize. I know how hard it was for you to come to the decision you did. I know how much it hurts you to see how much you hurt me. I know you need the time and space right now for yourself. I also know that when the time comes we can reconcile and start a new relationship. This is a really good thing cuz it shows me what we need, and what I need to do to treat you, and us right. If and when there is a new relationship I want to tell you how I know things can be better. After this break up it has shown me how much more I respect you and how much I really do care about you. It has also made me think about so much stuff I have never even thought about. There are many things we need to change in our relationship. I can see that now since I am on the outside looking in. I already know what I need to do and I am doing those things to better myself right now. I know you are going to agree with me when I say this... We don't need so much sexual tendencies in our relationship. We can be much better to each other and have much stronger feelings if we leave the sexual aspects of the relationship out. I don't mean just only hug and kiss and nothing else and be fine with that but when sexual things do happen they will be so much more special and bring us so much closer together when they do happen. Instead of them happening to much and not meaning as much. Don't get me wrong I loved every minute of everything we ever did, but in this situation it really seems like less is more. The less we do things the more it will mean to us when they happen. It will be so much more special and mean so much more to each other when sexual things do happen...instead of happening all the time, I really think that is a huge thing that we can change and it will make things so much better. Also Dayna we really need to work on listening to each other. I know I need to work on that more then you do but I think if we both work on it then things will be much better. When I am lost I know I can trust you to find me because when we met and during the first part of our awesome relationship I was so lost I thought my life was over. I had no idea what to do in life and had no idea where to go. You picked me up out of the gutter helped me dust myself off. You made me realize that life is so much more then what I was doing and you showed me how to love someone and you showed me how to love myself. I really am so thankful that you came into my life The saying goes like this (If you love something, let it go. If it comes back it is yours. If it doesn't then it never was.) I know that I was all yours and you were all mine. So I know I can let you go because I am so confident that we will return to and we can be us again. I am so confident that we will have are day to love each other again. You even said yourself that the chances of us getting back together were very good. I just should have listened so It could happen sooner, now it will take longer because I pushed to hard. I know I said awful things at times and we treated each other badly but that is all part of the learning experience. I can forgive you and forgive me. I know you will forgive me cuz that is just the type of person you are. You really are the most loving and happy human I know. I know after time and after we both heal, and grow from our relationship we will find love in each other again. Remember fate brought us together in the first place with meeting at raging waters when you weren't even going to go, and the message you left on my phone was an act of fate that is so clear to see. I was so happy to get that message from you. I was always wondering what happened to you but had no way to find out. Until that night you left your phone number and the best message I have ever received. I know fate will happen again for us. We can work together on making each other better. The bad words I have said were just exactly that, meaning words. I never had the bad feeling to go with them, thats how I know I did not mean them, and thats how I know you can forgive me. All of the good things I have said are true because I really did have the feeling behind them, and I still do! I know we will both leave the door open between us. We were and still are best friends and best friends will always forgive and find each other again. I just know it Dayna I can feel the passion between us and I can feel the love we have for each other. I know you have never let someone in as close as you let me and the same goes for me. I thank you for letting me inside of your heart. We have shared so much and we know each other so good. I know right now this sounds like alot, but that is why right now we are not together because we are not ready at this point in time. I know the time will come for us to be talking as friends again instead of trying to make each other see how we feel. I can't wait to be your friend again and I can't wait until I can hear you voice that sounds happy to talk to me and not mad and upset. You really are a strong person and I respect that very much. You are gonna be so successful in life. I can see it in your eyes. I can't wait until I can get lost in your big, deep, beautiful brown eyes. The eyes that seem to lure me in and not let me go. The time will come for us to be friends again and maybe even more, it will be a happy day for us both. We will talk happily again with each other in time. I know alot of what you say is out of frustration and I am truly sorry for frustrating you. b18bme: You have done what I tried to do, which is symphathize with HER DECISION of hurting you. Ask yourself this question, why are you symphathizing with her? She is the one who left you, not the other way around. By reading your post, it sounds like you are saying things that she wants to hear. I'm not ragging on you, I did the same thing. It gets you nowhere, especially if you don't believe what you are saying. You apologize for too much sex. I'm sure that was her complaint and not yours. You say, "we are not together because we are not ready at this point in time." Do you really feel that you are not ready for the relationship now? I don't think so, otherwise you wouldn't be on this forum. Trust me, I'm right there with you. I tried all the compliments from the heart, sent cards, letters, flowers, and even made a self made cd of a song I composed and wrote for my ex. You see where I sit now don't you? It didn't change a thing. And this was our second relationship together. She was my first love 7 years ago and we dated 2 1/2 years then. She left me and devastated me. She came back 6 years later and we made it a year together and she left again only to devastate me again. And this is the kicker, she blames herself and says it is nothing I did wrong. Your best bet is to move on. I know it hurts, but it is for the best. Trust me!
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