tojaz Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 Jaymz, I'm going to take a bit of a different road here, because I have never been a firm believer that NC was right for everyone. Personally I say write it and then ask yourself these question... Are you looking for a response? If so what kind of response are you hoping for? If she were to react negatively, am I prepared for that or is that going to set me back on the healing process? Which version of your ex are you writing it for? The one you loved, or the one who left? Now listen to your answers, not the ones you will want to post here for all to read, the real answers! I don't need to tell you how to interpret them. If you don't like the answers, sign and date the letter and tuck it away. Some day in the future, if your ready for it and you still want to say what was on your mind, send it. I have such a letter filed away, appropriately titled "Words left unsaid" TOJAZ 1
elfman Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 (edited) Hey Jay, I read your story... I am so sorry that your wife behaved in that way... and I am SCARED ****LESS that all the signs of what is going on with my wife right now are EXACTLY what you went through. Then I see this apology letter idea... and I see everyone saying NO... and I must confess bud, not out of experience, but out of what I am feeling right now... they are right. I don't know if I am old-fashioned or what, but I cannot escape the idea in my head that a cheater doesn't deserve any respect, in fact, I wish I had proof of my wife's cheating so I can become "mad enough" to do what needs to be done. She knows it's the only thing I would never forgive, and so she is not confessing, so now I have to go into spy-mode to get the truth. Back to it, DO NOT SEND HER A LETTER... she does not deserve it... In fact, now that I am thinking about it, I am going to write a letter of what I am feeling right now so that I can read it to myself every year and remember how much my wife has hurt me. Remember, Jay, we usually have no memory of pain... it's built into our survival system... if we had a strong memory of pain no one would ride a bicycle after the first fall... Outgrow this bud, and please let me know how you feel... I am hoping to learn from what you've gone through... NO LETTER... Edited April 7, 2012 by elfman info
Author jaymz Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 Essentially I am not going to write the letter. I did one ages ago when this all first started, that laid down my feelings for her in black and white. She didnt care then and I am sure she cares even less now. I guess I was trying toi justify the letter as a means of proving me growing as a person but really its still a way of validating me through my STBXW. I validate me, I dont need anyone else. Lesson reinforced.
worlybear Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Hi Jaymz, When I feel as you do and wobble like you are describing, I DO write a letter to my ex.....and email it to myself! (Just be careful that you ONLY send it to yourself tho!)
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