Savintheworld Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 Before two weeks ago, the last time I saw a friend of mine who I have had a crush on for awhile was 6 months. I had been out of the country. She never used to flirt with me, but when we saw each other after 6 months apart, I could tell she was nervous. As we walked she kept cracking her knuckles. That night she touched my arm a lot when she talked to me and did that playful hit/tap thing women do sometimes. She's never done that before. Another friend of mine had met us where we were at. This friend was a woman. She had left to meet her husband, and while she was gone, the girl in question had suggested we simply ditch her and take the train to Chicago, where we would go on an adventure. She had known all this time that I was leaving for Egypt in 3 days. She kept saying she did not want me to go and would miss me. Even now, I get facebook messages from her saying how much she misses me, how she hears these songs that remind her of me, and how she wants me to "come home now". Other messes include: -she may possibly be moving to new York and wants me to move there too -she has lately been having heavy thoughts that she needs to share -talks (possibly jokes, I don't know) about living in Chicago together and traveling the world. (she is envious of my traveling) -she messages me about how she is feeling like she is going through a "quarter life crisis" and really wants to talk. -she says she does not have a lot of friends she can talk to like she can with me -she is making all these plans to do things together for when I return -comments on how when she she saw me, she just felt so alive inside. All this seems good I guess, but I kind of feel like an emotional sponge. Like she is sharing all this confidence with me because I'm just a really good friend. And I guess that too much confiding could lead to the friend zone. She even referred to me as "friend" one time in a message 'it's a great song my friend'. I guess she has had me on her mind a lot, god knows she's been on mine.
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 Gotta tell ya...never experienced a girl cracking her knuckles because she was nervous, Is she ghetto and named Latifah? (Got the image of Queen Latifah in that movie with Steven Martin) I'm not sure what kind of relationship you both have, maybe you two are like Thelma and Louise or Sponge Bob and Patrick but It seems pretty clear at least to me If these weren't things that happened before and now they are happening she probably really missed you and maybe now realizes how much she depends on you...personally I'm not real big on that because I might feel like a consolation prize after she's been really lonely and needy but hell, you're in and out of the country anyway and you might as well find out whether there is a potential romance. Bottom line is you need to be more assertive at this point, find out what is going on...make a move when you're out, try to warm up to her and get closer...or have a conversation with her about it...ask her If she's telling you all of these things as a friend or for something possibly more? You seem a little oblivious and gun-shy, I'm pretty sure It's pretty obvious but in everything you said she has not said she either sees you as a gay friend or a potential romance...either way, you need to start developing some "manliness" quality and make a move, take the initiative and do it with confidence...she showed you a new her, show her a new you, If you strike out so what...you live life and move on but at least you had the balls to try.
Author Savintheworld Posted April 3, 2012 Author Posted April 3, 2012 Yes, I am gun shy. I'm terrified of making things awkward between us. I keep getting messages from her saying the same thing "I miss you, want you to come home so we can have fun and hang out". I'm tempted to simply ignore them though, make her sweat it out. I am 7000 miles away so simply talking to her to gauge her responses is not going to happen. I don't wanna tell her how I feel or confess anything via type...that is just not good.
sid3 Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 Yes, I am gun shy. I'm terrified of making things awkward between us. I keep getting messages from her saying the same thing "I miss you, want you to come home so we can have fun and hang out". I'm tempted to simply ignore them though, make her sweat it out. I am 7000 miles away so simply talking to her to gauge her responses is not going to happen. I don't wanna tell her how I feel or confess anything via type...that is just not good. Your feeling like an emotional tampon to be more precise.
Author Savintheworld Posted April 3, 2012 Author Posted April 3, 2012 Your feeling like an emotional tampon to be more precise. *you're* /10char
Patrice Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 I'm with Ninja ... you need to test the waters and find out where she stands. If I'm with a guy and we are friends, I'd appreciate him being upfront about how he feels. You may be missing out on a relationship with this woman, simply because you're afraid to take the risk. Probe a little deeper when she makes statements like I miss you etc. - "Miss me why"? It'll reveal itself.
Author Savintheworld Posted April 3, 2012 Author Posted April 3, 2012 Since I can't see her or talk to her right now, I was thinking of responding to one of her messages with: So you're my friend right? I can tell you anything, and you have shown that you can with me as well. *But you have me intrigued on something. *maybe you're unaware or maybe you're not, but you have been doin a bit of hinting that you're interested in taking our friendship in a different direction. *Maybe I'm completely wrong, but from a standard idiot male perspective, you've been a tad flirty. *I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that, I'm just curious what your intentions are. *I know we agreed a long time ago we were going to be friends, and that is greatness, but things do change.
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 Yes, I am gun shy. I'm terrified of making things awkward between us. I keep getting messages from her saying the same thing "I miss you, want you to come home so we can have fun and hang out". I'm tempted to simply ignore them though, make her sweat it out. I am 7000 miles away so simply talking to her to gauge her responses is not going to happen. I don't wanna tell her how I feel or confess anything via type...that is just not good. You ever see an athlete about to go out on the field, he's jumping around and looks anxious and pumped up, but In actuality probably somewhat nervous and eager at the same time...but as soon as he steps on the field he gets in the zone and does what he's supposed to do? That's how you've got to feel once you cross that line, there's got to a switch inside of you that turns you from nervous and scared, worried about the outcome to.....Ok I'm going to do this, this is getting done...It's time to stop thinking about it, I'm not turning around and being scared to even try and attempt it, I'm here to get it done. That may sound a little over-the-top but whatever it takes for you to build up and muster that courage to do something, If you don't then you don't know and you might never get the opportunity because opportunities have a window time and once it closes you may not get a second chance or things change and mold from that point into a different situation. You're an aware guy, and If you feel like she's overcompensating and being a little over-the-top, just back off a bit. Don't reply to her too quickly, give it some space...control the pace of the interaction. I wouldn't recommend spilling your guts to her either online, wait till you get back. Once you get back, just get down to business after a short time, don't let it marinate. Hell, If you're confident then make a move soon or have a talk/conversation about everything. Just remain balanced, that's the key...never go from one extreme to the other...just because you're shy don't just open up your bleeding heart and overwhelm her with how you feel and how you've always hoped and wanted her to like you or whatever, anything like that. Just be calm, and in control...It's ok to show some vulnerability, but be real and genuine, say what you really are thinking about and what concerns you, hit her straight on with it...make it powerful and meaningful, sincere. Then see what happens, but flip that switch, once you cross that line don't turn back. It'll get easier, but don't be the guy that's always afraid to do that because his fear to fail outweighs his desire to succeed or at least move forward, I'm pretty sure a guy like you can relate to that mentality/perspective. 1
Author Savintheworld Posted April 3, 2012 Author Posted April 3, 2012 You ever see an athlete about to go out on the field, he's jumping around and looks anxious and pumped up, but In actuality probably somewhat nervous and eager at the same time...but as soon as he steps on the field he gets in the zone and does what he's supposed to do? That's how you've got to feel once you cross that line, there's got to a switch inside of you that turns you from nervous and scared, worried about the outcome to.....Ok I'm going to do this, this is getting done...It's time to stop thinking about it, I'm not turning around and being scared to even try and attempt it, I'm here to get it done. That may sound a little over-the-top but whatever it takes for you to build up and muster that courage to do something, If you don't then you don't know and you might never get the opportunity because opportunities have a window time and once it closes you may not get a second chance or things change and mold from that point into a different situation. You're an aware guy, and If you feel like she's overcompensating and being a little over-the-top, just back off a bit. Don't reply to her too quickly, give it some space...control the pace of the interaction. I wouldn't recommend spilling your guts to her either online, wait till you get back. Once you get back, just get down to business after a short time, don't let it marinate. Hell, If you're confident then make a move soon or have a talk/conversation about everything. Just remain balanced, that's the key...never go from one extreme to the other...just because you're shy don't just open up your bleeding heart and overwhelm her with how you feel and how you've always hoped and wanted her to like you or whatever, anything like that. Just be calm, and in control...It's ok to show some vulnerability, but be real and genuine, say what you really are thinking about and what concerns you, hit her straight on with it...make it powerful and meaningful, sincere. Then see what happens, but flip that switch, once you cross that line don't turn back. It'll get easier, but don't be the guy that's always afraid to do that because his fear to fail outweighs his desire to succeed or at least move forward, I'm pretty sure a guy like you can relate to that mentality/perspective. Maaaaaan you're good at this haha. Thank you very much!
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 Since I can't see her or talk to her right now, I was thinking of responding to one of her messages with: So you're my friend right? I can tell you anything, and you have shown that you can with me as well. *But you have me intrigued on something. *maybe you're unaware or maybe you're not, but you have been doin a bit of hinting that you're interested in taking our friendship in a different direction. *Maybe I'm completely wrong, but from a standard idiot male perspective, you've been a tad flirty. *I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that, I'm just curious what your intentions are. *I know we agreed a long time ago we were going to be friends, and that is greatness, but things do change. Just to give you an example of what I'd recommend...(this is molded with you in mind btw) "Can I talk to you about something kinda serious.... ::then sit down somewhere or some place where you won't be interrupted and not like super private but where you could sit and talk:: Look...I've been feeling lately that things have changed....and I just want to make sure I understand right. At least from the way we have typically treated each other, It seems like things have started to change, the things you say, the way you act around me...we were always close but I feel like we have gotten closer...a lot of the things you've said and done lately are confusing because I'm not really sure If those are things you are done out of friendship or that you might be interested in something more...and I just want to know how you really feel because It's affecting me. How do you feel about that? Have you noticed a change?" BAM! You're welcome
Author Savintheworld Posted April 3, 2012 Author Posted April 3, 2012 Just to give you an example of what I'd recommend...(this is molded with you in mind btw) "Can I talk to you about something kinda serious.... ::then sit down somewhere or some place where you won't be interrupted and not like super private but where you could sit and talk:: Look...I've been feeling lately that things have changed....and I just want to make sure I understand right. At least from the way we have typically treated each other, It seems like things have started to change, the things you say, the way you act around me...we were always close but I feel like we have gotten closer...a lot of the things you've said and done lately are confusing because I'm not really sure If those are things you are done out of friendship or that you might be interested in something more...and I just want to know how you really feel because It's affecting me. How do you feel about that? Have you noticed a change?" BAM! You're welcome I am stunned man. Stunned. Brilliantly written. I'm gonna do it. Sucks I won't be back in America for 6 weeks, but it's better to do these things in person.
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