Poovey Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 The ex texted me last night which led to a phone call that lasted for a couple of hours. In a nutshell - He misses "his friend" (meaning me and he said it once, he said it a THOUSAND TIMES), he realizes he repeats the same pattern with relationships, he's in uncharted territory when it comes to us because he's NEVER wanted to remain friends with any of his EXs, he DID NOT cheat on me, he has realized he has hurt more people than just me and him from this breakup (our kids, our friends, our families)...he also hurt his only coworker/friend by going out with the new girl because the new girl is an EX of the coworker/friend and I guess those two just split up recently, and after pouring our hearts out to each other, he said that I gave him "A LOT to think about"... There's more but you all get the picture. I have NEVER seen him this torn up and lost. He is hurting something awful. Yes, it breaks my heart in two because I DO still care for him. I've said before that he and I have this amazing chemistry, yes, we had our personal issues, but our relationship was founded on a level of friendship that I don't think a lot of people get to truly experience. I have said that I wanted to remain friends in some capacity and with time, but I was even riding the fence over that. Now that we've talked, I know it's what I want, but I am scared. Any advice???
Senateguy Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 The ex didn't work out and now he is coming back. I don't know why you took his call. This thing is going no where fast. Wake me up when he shows up at your place with flowers begging you to take him back. Not "be friends." The guy has a lot of nerve. You should not have taken his call. 2
Author Poovey Posted April 4, 2012 Author Posted April 4, 2012 You're right. I shouldn't have. The reason I took the call was the text made me angry. I acted on emotion...I wanted nothing more than to verbally rip him a new butthole. Prior to this, I was the one that had kept and maintained NC. I also took the chance of him contacting me as a way to remind him, once again, about my few but important belongings he had of mine. Yeah, I should have only mentioned that and told him to bugger off. If you think I was stupid for taking the call, you'll be totally unimpressed when I tell you I went to his place last night with the intention of getting my things. It was AWKWARD and confusing. I should have just had him set my things on the porch, got them and left. I don't know if I can be his friend...there was some strange things that were said last night. Some wonderful, some not so wonderful. I see him spiraling down some dark path. I don't know if I could hang around to watch or help him with that. Needless to say, I left there feeling used and unsatisfied with not a lot of confidence for him. It's a minor setback for me, but as I've saying to myself and friends, the difference between me and him is...with time, I WILL be happy but he won't be. I'm taking this time to fix myself while he is going to continue to be the same way. Today's a new day...I plan on grasping it. 1
budley12 Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 I hope my ex finds his new relationship a totally waste and comes back to me. It sucks when you still love someone but watch them as they move on. Especially with us being first loves and wanting to "be forever" I am just curious, how long did it take your ex to break NC? 1
gotye Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 i had a similar phonecall with ex... i plan on being is friend after i get myself to a state where i can a. be fine without him b. find a relationship, even if it's not a serious one, and be happy with it i told him i just need to move on first, and i don't have hopes to get back together if he showed up with a present, on his knees... i would prob take him back... i dunno but being friends is probably better, just not right now. being friends with exes isn't too hard after like a year apart... though, i have never been good friends with ex afterwards (ok once i was but then realized ex was too much of a druggy and backed away for my own health)
fucpcg Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 We all screw up in relationships, and this concept in here that if someone does with you, move on cause you deserve someone who doesn't screw up, is beyond ridiculous. I don't know your story with your ex, so I can't comment on you two specific. I can tell you that I am a guy who tries his best to be a good boyfriend always, and I screw up. Often our screw ups come from bad past experiences that haunt us, and often we don't even see it till after it happens, and until we can discuss openly. Seems like he is trying to openly discuss what went wrong on his end. You can choose to do the same on your end. Maybe you two can go on and have something very special again, better and stronger than the first time around. OR, you can wait for the guy who never gets anything wrong ever. And if he doesn't, better make sure you never get anything wrong either. Yeah, good luck with that.
Author Poovey Posted April 6, 2012 Author Posted April 6, 2012 budley12 - I am just curious, how long did it take your ex to break NC? About 2 1/2 weeks. I apologize for not replying sooner, I've been extremely busy. fucpcg - We all screw up in relationships, and this concept in here that if someone does with you, move on cause you deserve someone who doesn't screw up, is beyond ridiculous. I don't know your story with your ex, so I can't comment on you two specific. I can tell you that I am a guy who tries his best to be a good boyfriend always, and I screw up. Often our screw ups come from bad past experiences that haunt us, and often we don't even see it till after it happens, and until we can discuss openly. Seems like he is trying to openly discuss what went wrong on his end. You can choose to do the same on your end. Maybe you two can go on and have something very special again, better and stronger than the first time around. OR, you can wait for the guy who never gets anything wrong ever. And if he doesn't, better make sure you never get anything wrong either. Yeah, good luck with that. You're absolutely right. MY problem in all of this is watching him spiral down and out of control and I'm not in the position to do anything. It's still a sticky situation...I'm no longer his partner. He considers me his friend, but let's be honest...it's too early for that and it may not even happen. I TRULY want to help him help himself, but there's a part of me that says "don't help him". I'm still tender and sore from the break-up and his new relationship. I've got a lot of thinking to do because I don't know what I want. One day at a time...
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