Woggle Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 You gotta be kidding me! So you meet a perfect woman who for whatever reason is divorced and just because some statistics says the chance of divorce is 60% (which is just slightly higher than 50%!!) you won't marry her??? I wonder how much of a perfect man you are. I highly doubt you're anywhere close to perfect. The close mindedness of people in LS never fails to surprise me. I have to agree with men on not wanting to marry a SAHM though. In this day and age it's not worth it unless you have a lot of money and money is never an issue for you. Past behavior is an indicator of future behavior and if she caused the divorce the first time around it is not a stretch to believe she will cause those same issues with me. I would not rule out a divorced woman if I were single but it would depend on the reasons. The way I see it is that if she did it to him she will do it to me.
HeavyHitter Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 I have known a couple of "professional" stay at home mom's, was talking to one, she just sent off her last kid to college, 3 kids, spent most of her life raising kids, nothing more. Never got an education during that time, until recently though (History major). And is now living with her dad since her divorce...age 42. Plans on saving money to travel the world. I have met another woman like this at my gym, had EIGHT kids, nice body on her too, she is also a personal trainer, but after her divorce, no real skills, even qualified for alimiony, because "being a mom" is all she knew. Gentleman, would you date such a woman. Turn the tables, Ladies....would you date such a man? LOL There's nothing professional about mothers staying at home with their children. 1
Soxfaninfl Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 There's nothing professional about mothers staying at home with their children. For me it's kind of a turn of when a women doesn't have an education. I want a women that could take care of herself if anything happened to me.
HeavyHitter Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 For me it's kind of a turn off when a women doesn't have an education. I want a women that could take care of herself if anything happened to me. I agree, there's nothing attractive about a woman who stays at home watching her pop feminist daytime shows while her kids are upstairs sleeping. Those type of women are freeloaders and they'll be wanting to spend your check, regardless of the fact that they haven't earned that right.
FitChick Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 This would all make sense in a saner society. Thanks to our messed up laws, this sort of thing is very much discouraged. Imagine your wife cheating on you and then dumping your @ss. To add insult to injury, not only would she get 50% of your assets thanks to, but she would also be entitled to alimony because she doesn't have an occupation. Who in their right mind would take that risk? So don't have kids. That's where you get screwed financially. Kids are very expensive. Get a dog or cat.
HeavyHitter Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 So don't have kids. That's where you get screwed financially. Kids are very expensive. Get a dog or cat. ^ Kind of an ignorant statement. Men should not have to be afraid of their woman screwing them over and running out the door with their kids.
Author irc333 Posted April 4, 2012 Author Posted April 4, 2012 I agree, there's nothing attractive about a woman who stays at home watching her pop feminist daytime shows while her kids are upstairs sleeping. Those type of women are freeloaders and they'll be wanting to spend your check, regardless of the fact that they haven't earned that right. Actually, she's receiving an alimony check....which I believe she is entitled to, if a woman has been nothing but a SAHM all her life. She was married for 22 years, and they had an amicable divorce.
HeavyHitter Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 Actually, she's receiving an alimony check....which I believe she is entitled to, if a woman has been nothing but a SAHM all her life. She decided to sit on her behind, lay on her back, and pop out kids and in those 22 years she decided not to find employment. That's laziness no matter how cute you try to spin it. She was married for 22 years, and they had an amicable divorce.Yea and by "amicable" you mean she got a fat check and some at the end of the court proceedings.
chrissylee Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 I wouldn't ever date a man like this. The main reason is kids are a major deal breaker for me and if he is a stay at home dad he already has kids.
DjinnAgain Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 (edited) I guess I am a professional stay at home mom! When my ex husband chose divorce, we discussed it and chose that I would continue to stay at home until our child was in school. We had decided this was better for her before, and that it was only more important as she processes her parents not being together. (Heart breaking enough to lose her normal contact with her father without losing the time with her mother.) He pay slightly more than standard child support (not much. When we first separated, it would have been more expensive because of childcare responsibilities, according to our lawyer.) and we give our child what we felt was best for her. I do not lack intellect. I am considered highly gifted. I do lack education, as I left school when I was pregnant on behest of my ex husband who did want a stay at home mom. I will probably go back, but not when my doing so causes any child of mine to lose out. Honestly, I would like to continue to be a stay at home mom. I believe there is huge benefit to having one person at home dedicated to caring for the home (meals, kids, money management) and worth the sacrifice to maintain that for the children. If I had it exactly as I wish, I would home school, and when whatever children I have are grown, go to work as a nanny. I love children. I will still be quite young and quite capable of pulling in an income for many years when my daughter is grown. I will not home school as the case is currently. (Well, I am doing preschool as home school and my daughter is very far ahead of her peers.) However, I understand that it is a choice that needs to be come to and agreed upon by a couple. If I were to meet a man and fall in love and me staying at home is not the best situation, I would go to work. Hopefully we could work out a way, if we had a child, that one of us would be at home with the child at any given time by scheduling, so stranger are not raising our kids. It would be more important, of course, to have a happy home with love and common goals and agreed upon effort towards those goals, than for me to stay home. I would be thrilled to stay home and raise my kids and give them a good foundation and off to college and then work the rest of my life so my husband could retire. It's not about not wanting to work. I have worked since I was 16. I was working 70+ hours a week when I first got pregnant. It's about knowing what is important in this world and my daughter is more important than being able to afford manicures or dinners out or new clothes instead of sewing it up myself. Most my friends (naturally) are stay at home moms (though married). Not one of them are gold diggers. They work hard to keep a good home - frequently with husbands who travel or work hours that make it very appealing to have to not worry about the day to day mundane stuff, or who is taking off work with the sick children when all of them get sick at once, or any of that. Now, someone who has grown children like in the original post is not a stay at home mom anymore. They are just a bum at that point. if you are single, you are not taking time from your kids - go to work! If you are married, I guess that depends on your marriage and the financial situation and your ages - maybe go to work, maybe retire together, what works best for you, but that's not the case when mentioned. Thankfully, I have not run into this where I have dated and the issue has only been me not really being ready yet no matter how nice the guy is instead of some presumptive j who thinks the arrangement my ex and I have in the best interest of our child has anything to do with him. Just figured I would chime in from the other side since some seemed to not have any idea what a single stay at home mother might be thinking. (And someone is ridiculous if they think raising kids is about sitting at home watching TV. Not that somebody can't do this, but if they do they are bad mothers and that's a separate issue entirely. It's about teaching and exposing your children and about making sure they are secure and social and confident and happy.) Edited April 4, 2012 by DjinnAgain
HeavyHitter Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 I guess I am a professional stay at home mom! When my ex husband chose divorce, we discussed it and chose that I would continue to stay at home until our child was in school. We had decided this was better for her before, and that it was only more important as she processes her parents not being together. (Heart breaking enough to lose her normal contact with her father without losing the time with her mother.) He pay slightly more than standard child support (not much. When we first separated, it would have been more expensive because of childcare responsibilities, according to our lawyer.) and we give our child what we felt was best for her. I do not lack intellect. I am considered highly gifted. I do lack education, as I left school when I was pregnant on behest of my ex husband who did want a stay at home mom. I will probably go back, but not when my doing so causes any child of mine to lose out. Honestly, I would like to continue to be a stay at home mom. I believe there is huge benefit to having one person at home dedicated to caring for the home (meals, kids, money management) and worth the sacrifice to maintain that for the children. If I had it exactly as I wish, I would home school, and when whatever children I have are grown, go to work as a nanny. I love children. I will still be quite young and quite capable of pulling in an income for many years when my daughter is grown. I will not home school as the case is currently. (Well, I am doing preschool as home school and my daughter is very far ahead of her peers.) However, I understand that it is a choice that needs to be come to and agreed upon by a couple. If I were to meet a man and fall in love and me staying at home is not the best situation, I would go to work. Hopefully we could work out a way, if we had a child, that one of us would be at home with the child at any given time by scheduling, so stranger are not raising our kids. It would be more important, of course, to have a happy home with love and common goals and agreed upon effort towards those goals, than for me to stay home. I would be thrilled to stay home and raise my kids and give them a good foundation and off to college and then work the rest of my life so my husband could retire. It's not about not wanting to work. I have worked since I was 16. I was working 70+ hours a week when I first got pregnant. It's about knowing what is important in this world and my daughter is more important than being able to afford manicures or dinners out or new clothes instead of sewing it up myself. Most my friends (naturally) are stay at home moms (though married). Not one of them are gold diggers. They work hard to keep a good home - frequently with husbands who travel or work hours that make it very appealing to have to not worry about the day to day mundane stuff, or who is taking off work with the sick children when all of them get sick at once, or any of that. Now, someone who has grown children like in the original post is not a stay at home mom anymore. They are just a bum at that point. if you are single, you are not taking time from your kids - go to work! If you are married, I guess that depends on your marriage and the financial situation and your ages - maybe go to work, maybe retire together, what works best for you, but that's not the case when mentioned. Thankfully, I have not run into this where I have dated and the issue has only been me not really being ready yet no matter how nice the guy is instead of some presumptive j who thinks the arrangement my ex and I have in the best interest of our child has anything to do with him. Just figured I would chime in from the other side since some seemed to not have any idea what a single stay at home mother might be thinking. Again nothing professional about staying at home, it's just staying at home. Simple as that. Keeping the house clean and feeding the children are not such difficult tasks that are at the level of a husband who's working 40+ hours a week. The two are incomparable. If you want to be a stay at home mom, you know good and well you'll need a man who has money so it really is a gold digging situation. You try to gloss up staying at home as if it's such a great profession when it really is just getting up and taking care of the kid(s), and cleaning the house, which does not take a whole day to do. So it's pretty ignorant to suggest hardworking, employed daters are somehow jerks because they wish not to be with a freeloader who literally dreams of sitting on their asses for the rest of their lives. Not saying YOU particularly do that but there are many women out there who despite having their own income, still want to spend another man's money and then claim it's for computability and security reasons. Sorry but most men want a woman who's willing to be loyal and has her own thing going, not one who just wants to use their penis to give them kids and lay around spending their paycheck then dumping him for another dude, dragging him through court and having him pay a ridiculous amount of "child support." Trust and respect is earned, not given freely.
Author irc333 Posted April 5, 2012 Author Posted April 5, 2012 Interesting, I was browsing through Random Facebook pages of "Friends of friends" and this one had an attractive woman with her husband....of course married woman. In her "Profession" is "Being a stay at home mom IS my Job" and apparently joined a group "liked" by 32K + people for a group dedicated to saying THIS is her job, and shall be considered as much. WEll, I suppose if you're MARRIED, but single? Not so sure about that. I remember seeing a stay at home mom, that was single still raising children on a dating site, but she was demanding the man she seek not be unemployed. And I was thinking, "Wow, isn't SHE unemployed?" Talk about a dble standard.
Author irc333 Posted April 5, 2012 Author Posted April 5, 2012 I had also learned, upon moving back in with her parents after the divorce, she's saving up money (alimony check), at the end of the summer, plans on traveling the world for 6 months, and will be staying at people's homes in other countries, and in return will be working jobs at those locations. So pretty decent set up there. So I could have some kind of "summer romance" going on.
Soxfaninfl Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 (edited) Raising kids is a job in itself and it's not easy. I'm leary of it because a friend of mine worked while his wife stayed home raising the kids and started to mess around with another guy. She left and divorced him. Now he has to pay her alimony because she doesnt have an education and can't make a good living without an education. I could not pay a cheating ex-wife alimony while she was screwing another man. That would be awful! The worst part about this story is the husband father passed away, so he went up north with his kids and the neighbors told him when he came back that they saw his wife's lover staying the night. If I marry again, the women has to have an education and can support herself. Both my ex-wife and I worked and are educated. Our son went to daycare, and he has turned out fine. Plus, in this economy is good that both spouses work in case one of them losses their job. This way they can get by on one income in the meantime. Edited April 5, 2012 by Soxfaninfl
namenottaken Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 I’m saying this with all seriousness; if she’s hot she will get dates. My sister is divorced, with five kids (two in college) and gets more in alimony than I do working 40 hours (outside the home) a week. She was married, to her high school sweetheart, for 22 years and he cheated on her twice. During their marriage they mutually decided his job was to bring home the income (he, as a man, had higher earning potential) and her job was to raise the children and take care of the home. They felt that being a parent (and I agree) was far more important than the income she would bring home. Kinda like in the pre-feminism days that are so fondly missed by some, when it suits them... He has no problem paying the alimony. He knows she put her career on hold and quit school, for the sake of the family, and he also knows he was the reason for the divorce. Out of the two kids that are in college (on scholarship), the first was valedictorian, and the second graduated second in her class. I’d say she’s doing her ‘job’ pretty darn well. She is beautiful, intelligent and sweet. Her days are pretty busy taking care of the kids and the house. (There is a 14 year age gap between her oldest and her youngest.) She does not lack for dates at all. 1
namenottaken Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 Again nothing professional about staying at home, it's just staying at home. Simple as that. Keeping the house clean and feeding the children are not such difficult tasks that are at the level of a husband who's working 40+ hours a week. You could just as easily say there is nothing professional about a janitor/maid, a trash collector, a chief, a cab driver or a daycare provider either. I mean how hard is to do other peoples laundry, pick up their trash, cook their meals, drive people places, or watch their kids? Just because someone gets paid for their time, it doesn’t make them ‘professional’ either, right? (Many 'professional' men and women perform these jobs, outside their home, and get paid for it.) That, IMO,is a load of crap.
prune juice Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 Interesting, I was browsing through Random Facebook pages of "Friends of friends" and this one had an attractive woman with her husband....of course married woman. In her "Profession" is "Being a stay at home mom IS my Job" and apparently joined a group "liked" by 32K + people for a group dedicated to saying THIS is her job, and shall be considered as much. WEll, I suppose if you're MARRIED, but single? Not so sure about that. I remember seeing a stay at home mom, that was single still raising children on a dating site, but she was demanding the man she seek not be unemployed. And I was thinking, "Wow, isn't SHE unemployed?" Talk about a dble standard. the hottest gal i ever dated is a stay at home mom now and she's hotter than ever. too bad it didn't work out.
musemaj11 Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 I despise people with more than two kids. I despise them. Especially if they are poor.
namenottaken Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 I despise people with more than two kids. I despise them. Especially if they are poor. Bummer for you! That must limit your dating pool. Do you ask ahead of time how many siblings they have? I can’t imagine someone willingly dating you, who has more than one sibling, knowing how much you despise their parents. I don’t think anyone should have children if they can’t afford it, and I also wish that those who could afford it never did, when the end result is a person full of hatred for people they’ve never met.
prune juice Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 I despise people with more than two kids. I despise them. Especially if they are poor. waaaaaaaaat?
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