I am hurting, when I really have no right to

[Lost78]

I was going out with my girlfriend for almost 5 years. We always got along until the last few months when I started to put the pressure on to make sure if she wanted to have a baby so that I knew if I would marry her or not. All that pressure led us to breaking up.

 

So I gave it some time (6 months now) with little to no contact so that I could try to get over her. Within the past month we slowly started contacting each other, and she came over my house randomly two weekends ago, and we talked and kissed some, saying how we missed each other. I felt like everything was going pretty well, making slow flirtatious comments or calls every few days. We were supposed to meet sometime this week when her daughter would be out with her friends, nothing specific, but I told her if she got a few hours of free time that we could meet up, and she agreed. But last night, while at the grocery store, I saw my ex walk in the bar across the street. I couldn't believe my eyes, she is rarely the type to go to bars. I drove across to the bar to make sure it was her, so I wouldn't be in denial, and I saw her car and looked out the right window of my car and could see her in there with another guy. I know I have no right and should have expected her to be on dates eventually, but it felt like I got punched in my gut. I was not ready to date yet, myself, so I think that's why it hurt so much. I was hoping that I'd be over it by now, since I gave it adequate time, but I am definitely not. I had called her earlier that night, and she never called me back. When I saw her with the guy, even though she didnt see me, I went home and texted her, "I guess now would be a good time for me to stop calling you!". I feel so immature now.

 

I know I have no right to be hurt, we have been broken up an adequate amount of time and she is doing nothing wrong, but it still hurts so badly. I guess it wouldn't have hurt as much if we didn't start talking again, but I'm sure it would still hurt somewhat anyway. I feel that I have been played so badly by her now, although I know she didnt do it purposely. It makes me think that when she asked to come over two weeks ago, that she probably got turned down by someone or that guy she was on the date with couldn't meet her, so she needed me to comfort her. Most likely that is not the truth, but its how I felt a little. I guess I just need to take it as my sign to move on, as tough as it is.

 

I know a future would be tough with our wants about the future being different, but I never cared about someone so much, and I feel that she feels the same way. It sucks that in some cases, love is not enough. It would've been a lot easier if one of us really had no love, or she had cheated on me and gave me a reason to dislike her. I'm sorry for the long wrant and I know there is nothing anyone can do. I just needed to vent as it is fresh in my mind and I couldnt sleep all night. I deleted her number today so that any urge to call her can not be acted on. I do not know her number by memory, either, so it is a total cut off. I don't know exactly how I feel about it right now with the hurt so strong still, but logically it is for the best.

 

I just feel so low, old, and feel that my dream of having my own family is now over.

 

Any help, kind words, or advice would greatly be appreciated.

 

Thanks everyone!

[SSexySSadie]

I was going out with my girlfriend for almost 5 years. We always got along until the last few months when I started to put the pressure on to make sure if she wanted to have a baby so that I knew if I would marry her or not. All that pressure led us to breaking up.

 

So I gave it some time (6 months now) with little to no contact so that I could try to get over her. Within the past month we slowly started contacting each other, and she came over my house randomly two weekends ago, and we talked and kissed some, saying how we missed each other. I felt like everything was going pretty well, making slow flirtatious comments or calls every few days. We were supposed to meet sometime this week when her daughter would be out with her friends, nothing specific, but I told her if she got a few hours of free time that we could meet up, and she agreed. But last night, while at the grocery store, I saw my ex walk in the bar across the street. I couldn't believe my eyes, she is rarely the type to go to bars. I drove across to the bar to make sure it was her, so I wouldn't be in denial, and I saw her car and looked out the right window of my car and could see her in there with another guy. I know I have no right and should have expected her to be on dates eventually, but it felt like I got punched in my gut. I was not ready to date yet, myself, so I think that's why it hurt so much. I was hoping that I'd be over it by now, since I gave it adequate time, but I am definitely not. I had called her earlier that night, and she never called me back. When I saw her with the guy, even though she didnt see me, I went home and texted her, "I guess now would be a good time for me to stop calling you!". I feel so immature now.

 

I know I have no right to be hurt, we have been broken up an adequate amount of time and she is doing nothing wrong, but it still hurts so badly. I guess it wouldn't have hurt as much if we didn't start talking again, but I'm sure it would still hurt somewhat anyway. I feel that I have been played so badly by her now, although I know she didnt do it purposely. It makes me think that when she asked to come over two weeks ago, that she probably got turned down by someone or that guy she was on the date with couldn't meet her, so she needed me to comfort her. Most likely that is not the truth, but its how I felt a little. I guess I just need to take it as my sign to move on, as tough as it is.

 

I know a future would be tough with our wants about the future being different, but I never cared about someone so much, and I feel that she feels the same way. It sucks that in some cases, love is not enough. It would've been a lot easier if one of us really had no love, or she had cheated on me and gave me a reason to dislike her. I'm sorry for the long wrant and I know there is nothing anyone can do. I just needed to vent as it is fresh in my mind and I couldnt sleep all night. I deleted her number today so that any urge to call her can not be acted on. I do not know her number by memory, either, so it is a total cut off. I don't know exactly how I feel about it right now with the hurt so strong still, but logically it is for the best.

 

I just feel so low, old, and feel that my dream of having my own family is now over.

 

Any help, kind words, or advice would greatly be appreciated.

 

Thanks everyone!

 

 

 

First of all I'd like to say one thing.....it's not wrong for you to feel hurt, it's how you feel and we can't control how we feel. Not to get your hopes up, but I think that you should just give her a little time, you keep talking about your needs, well maybe that's what SHE needs right now, just a little time. You said that she went to your house and you talked and kissed.........is it possible that she's confused, that she needs to make sure that she's ready for the future that she knows you so clearly expect?

I'd like to know how old you both are as well...sometimes, when it comes to starting a family and making commitments, that makes a big difference.

I wish you luck.

[Lost78]

Thanks for your reply. We are boh 34 years old.

[SSexySSadie]

Thanks for your reply. We are boh 34 years old.

 

You want a family, and I totally understand that, but if you had to pressure her (your words) into agreeing to have a baby before you made the decision to marry her, maybe the loss you feel now has more to do with that than anything else. Maybe you're hearing your male biological clock ticking, is that possible? Is it also possible that, having already had a baby, she's not sure if she wants anymore children? Maybe she's just as frustrated as you are because she knows how badly you want a baby and she feels that it would be selfish of her to take that away from you.

I'd just let go for now and if she should call again, talk with her, and if neither of you are willing to give in, which in my opinion is a bad idea if you want the relationship to last, then you'll know that walking away is the only answer. I hope it works out doll, if not there are plenty of fish in the sea and you're only young...give it time, you'll find that special someone who'll make your life complete, family and all. Much luck.

[Lost78]

Thank you for that. You pretty much summed up the situation. It came to the point where I asked if she wanted to have a kid, because I know I would regret it if I never did. I said that if we are going to do it we should start making plans to get married and start a family now, because it's going get tougher and tougher to have a baby as we get older. She did not like that approach at all. She said that I made her feel old by saying that, and if I approached it by saying just "I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you, and want to have a family with you.", she said he would have responded differently. She said that she felt like all I wanted to do was marry her to have a baby. I told her that was untrue, but I needed to make sure that having a baby in our marriage was important to me, and I couldn't get married if she didn't want to have a baby. I just feel that she really doesn't want to have a baby, or I don't thinknthevsituation would have been an issue.