Guess92 Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 Hi, me and my boyfriend have been dating for four years and gradually he gave up his hobbies and friends to spend more time with me. i never asked him to do it and he still plays golf and goes to the gym. he recently started a job that takes up 4 to 5 full days a week and this is really whats taken all his time, not me. he still blames me for having no time for hobbies though. i dont know what to do??? we're both early 20's :(
TaraMaiden Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 If he has a go at you or brings it up again, ask him - when did you ever ask, demand or request he give up stuff for you? Never. so if he quit doing all that stuff to spend more time with you, he has a choice. Either make the time with you, better quality, or revive his old interests. but don't put the blame for his decisions - on your shoulders.... Does that sound about right?
findthelight Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 I saw another poster mention that she and her significant other set aside designated date nights. While I agree with TaraMaiden that you need to call him out on his blame game, perhaps also suggest that Tuesdays and Saturdays (or whatever) be your days to spend time together as a couple, and the rest of those days can go towards work and/or his hobbies that he claims to have given up. There's never really a good rebuttal for thoughtful compromise. Good luck!
Lauriebell82 Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 (edited) He plays golf and goes to the gym, those sound like hobbies to me! And who does he play golf with, himself? If he plays golf with others then he hasn't given up all of his friends either. I do think confronting him on these behaviors may spark defensiveness in him, even though it's tempting to call him out. It may just lead to a fight, not a solution. So, the next time he tries to make you feel guilty I would try findthelight's suggestion of coming up with specific "date nights" where you can be together. My husband and I don't spend much time together during the weekdays because he works first shift and I work second. So the weekends are really when we spend the majority of our time together. If it's important to both of you then you will find time. If your boyfriend continues to complain and blame you, and/or refuses to compromise, then maybe he isn't the right guy for you to be with. Edited April 4, 2012 by Lauriebell82
2sunny Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 Sounds like you would benefit from having a few of your own hobbies to keep you busy and interested in other areas of your life and growing as an individual.
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