nineyearsgone79 Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 I'm just writing because my mind needs to vent a bit. 2.5 years ago my boyfriend of 9 years dumped me via email and vanished forever. I had no clue it was coming nor why he did it. In the email he just said these 4 lines: "I have decided to end this relationship" "I want to find happiness" "We both need to move on" "Please do not contact me." I was deeply depressed a very long time after this and missed my former boyfriend and bestfriend more than anything in the world. Days, Months, Years have passed and anytime I'd find out any new shred of info as to why he broke up with me it would tear my heart out. Finally I was able to piece together through twitter that he and his sister in law had started dating a month after he dumped me. I think it was because of how he dumped me that I've come to google him every once in a while.. to confirm my thoughts. Anyway the other day I did my googling and came across his blog that he hadn't touched since 2009 when he dumped me.. and shockingly he had updated it writing in his summary of the year for '09,'10', &'11. Anyway this is what he said about me: 2009 Around tax time things were getting dark. Freelance just wasn't dependable, and I was becoming stir-crazy being at home all the time, dealing with things in my personal life. I got not one, but two day jobs. Needless to say, art production slowed down a bit. I did get a couple editorial jobs over the next few months, but with no self promotion, no steady work was coming in. Neither day job was exactly rewarding, exciting, or mentally stimulating. It was some bitter tasting humble pie, being reduced to a pee-on....again. In some ways it felt like punishment. But, my pay was pretty steady (even if it was still barely enough to live on), and I met some interesting characters. One job was really early in the morning, and the other was in the evening. My sleeping and eating schedules were pretty irratic, and my body was feeling worn down. My already stressful, and emotionally exhausting long-term, long-distance relationship wasn't helping much either. At the end of summer, I put an end to nine years of ups and downs. It was the most painful decision I'd ever made at that point in my life. I did it very bluntly, but I didn't see any other way. She didn't take it well at all (as expected), and so there was a lot of residual negativity still looming over me for quite some time. And very soon after this relationship ended, a new relationship began. So, there was this hurricane of positive and negative thoughts spinning around inside my head. I actually felt motivated to go out and do things. It was important for me to finally be able to do this. The only reason I mention these personal things on here is because it definitely had an effect on my creative drive. Most of the work I did during this time took place in sketchbooks. Anyway..I guess my beliefs were true. I know this is so stupid of me to still wonder about but by him shutting me out it was so hurtful and I always held a little hope he would talk to me again. Why do you think in his words "he didn't see any other way than to dump me bluntly?" .. he could have just called me. That's all i would have wanted after 9 years of building our relationship.
Author nineyearsgone79 Posted April 3, 2012 Author Posted April 3, 2012 by the way.. he never let on how unhappy he was at any point during those 9 years. It was a complete shock to me. We had been planning all along to be together in person finally. Also.. he refused to write me back, changed his phone number, never came online again to chat, vanished.
darkmoon Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 (edited) please don't live in the past, too painful, you will detach, you might end up reminiscing (spelling bad) not yet too soon, someone new will come along, they always do that's dating for you what he did was all wrong, but even celebrities get hurt, Jennifer Aniston is now thriving for example while some look at that betrayal, she is fine, much kudos to her for for giving us that but you know yourself that studying the blog is upsetting, buy some new perfume, cheer yourself up xx Edited April 3, 2012 by darkmoon
TaraMaiden Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 you can tell a lot about a person by their forum name. and you have chosen a forum name that keeps you firmly stuck in those 9 years.... why not select a more positive name like, phoenixfromtheashes, or movingonlookingup? Because there is a lot of significance there. You're keeping yourself stuck, and basically, by checking up on him, you're just ripping the stitches out and opening the wound. where did this get you exactly? What have you achieved? Not closure, certainly.... you have to stop torturing yourself, because he's moved on, and is creating something with his life. What he did, may matter, how he did it, may matter, but the fact is, your moving on matters more. You have to find a way of letting go of this, and healing. don't try to second guess his motives, or find clarification.... What others do, isn't the problem. What we do - is the solution. It's nearly 3 years ago. you need to tell yourself - enough, is enough.
Sugarkane Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 Having been through a similar thing, I envy you at least you got The answers. I never did and probably never will. It's pretty traumatic coz their such cowards in the first place. Basically someone going missing. Although I'm confused why was a grown man keeping an online diary for? That's odd. It's like he wanted it to be found. 1
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