Meritocracy Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 Let's say you have a guy who's crazy about you. You two don't have much in common and it's near impossible to have a conversation that lasts more than an hour. There are never long periods of time where he can keep himself totally away from you, but he isn't an annoying always calling guy either. He always enjoys your company and doesn't have eyes for any other women despite being able to get them. Always wants to hear whatever you have to say and can't wait to get his hands on you every night. He is reasonably attractive and in good physical shape, meets your standards. Could you make it work with a guy like this long term? Or would you prefer someone who you have more in common with but was maybe less devoted to you and more independent?
Andy_K Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 Honestly, how many couples do you think talk for hours at a time, all the time? They don't. Once you have a certain level of familiarity and comfort with someone, you don't have to talk all the time. What used to feel like awkward pauses in conversation become comfortable silences. Go to a restaurant and look at the couples that have been married for years. See a couple chilling out at home of an evening. They talk, but not constantly. You spend time doing things together. Most people do have things in common if they look hard enough. Do the two of you think the same way? Are you on the same wavelength and want the same things? That's what really determines how compatible you are 3
Author Meritocracy Posted April 3, 2012 Author Posted April 3, 2012 Honestly, how many couples do you think talk for hours at a time, all the time? Not many, but I don't think we've ever done that. We are on the same wavelength about most things. I always hear women talking about how they have such a great connection with a guy since they just stayed up all night and talked. That never happens with us though. We mostly just chat about stuff that happened during our day for brief periods of time. If we're out to eat I'll try to think up a few interesting topics ahead of time to bring up during the meal so things aren't mostly silent. I know there are other girls that I can talk smoothly to and for longer periods of time but there is something about this one that makes me just want to be around her. She was watching some awful show on the surgery channel this weekend and I enjoyed myself just sitting there watching it with her. Can women really survive and be happy on that kind of limited conversation though?
Emilia Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 I know there are other girls that I can talk smoothly to and for longer periods of time but there is something about this one that makes me just want to be around her. She was watching some awful show on the surgery channel this weekend and I enjoyed myself just sitting there watching it with her. Can women really survive and be happy on that kind of limited conversation though? Yes I think so. As much as I enjoy a good debate, I like quiet time too and enjoy men who are not in love with their own voice.
Teal Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 A relationship is preferable to a walking, breathing ego boost.
irin Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 having things in common comes from sharing and spending time together, having new experience together will give plenty of things in common
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 Personally never understood the awkward and utter silence that people go through with their significant other while eating or just hanging out....seems a bit weird at least for me. I enjoy being able to relate and connect naturally with someone through conversation so no matter what we do or where we go it's fun and interesting to share with them that experience, It's chemistry to me, plus it's fun to laugh rather than just sit there straight faced but I suppose some people aren't very funny either! In your situation I probably wouldn't find myself that interested in hanging around this person that long, maybe in small doses but not for any great length of time. The rest of your check-list or description of him doesn't move me in much of a positive way, I mean so what? unless you're hard up for attention and companionship then I don't see why you wouldn't just find someone more compatible. Just sounds like you're settling, and just because the guy seems pu$$y whipped. I think things will dry up pretty quickly after not too long.
Author Meritocracy Posted April 3, 2012 Author Posted April 3, 2012 Yes I think so. As much as I enjoy a good debate, I like quiet time too and enjoy men who are not in love with their own voice. We can argue if the occasion calls for it. Never anything hateful. I think she messes with me occasionally just for entertainment. I never let her get away with it. A relationship is preferable to a walking, breathing ego boost. So you're suggesting women who want a guy who can talk to them for endless hours are just looking for an ego boost and my situation is more normal and healthy? This makes me feel better. having things in common comes from sharing and spending time together, having new experience together will give plenty of things in common Can't really argue with that. Any dissenting voices among the female crowd?
Oxy Moronovich Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 Honestly, how many couples do you think talk for hours at a time, all the time? They don't. Once you have a certain level of familiarity and comfort with someone, you don't have to talk all the time. What used to feel like awkward pauses in conversation become comfortable silences. Go to a restaurant and look at the couples that have been married for years. See a couple chilling out at home of an evening. They talk, but not constantly. You spend time doing things together. Most people do have things in common if they look hard enough. Do the two of you think the same way? Are you on the same wavelength and want the same things? That's what really determines how compatible you are This pretty much sums up what I wanted to say. But I wanted to add something else: it also helps that you try to like the things your SO likes. Try to like the films, music, books, activities, etc. your SO likes. My gf likes dramas. I'm a bigger fan of genre fiction, but I'll try dramas to get closer to her. I'll also watch her favorite shows with her even though they bore me. To reciprocate, she'll show interest in my fave movies in shows or at least try. Trying to like what the other likes strengthens the relationship.
Teal Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 So you're suggesting women who want a guy who can talk to them for endless hours are just looking for an ego boost and my situation is more normal and healthy? This makes me feel better. That statement was directed towards a good-looking, enthusiastic guy that a girl has nothing in common with. Doesn't sound like it would have any depth, just feel nice on a physical and a "Woo! I'm not alone!" level.
SpiralOut Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 Could you make it work with a guy like this long term? Or would you prefer someone who you have more in common with but was maybe less devoted to you and more independent? This would not work for me. I know that I'm dating the right guy when we can stay up half the night talking and I like someone who has his own thing going on. It's nice to know that sometimes he is too busy to talk to me. Of course not every woman wants what I want. It is up to the two people in the relationship to decide if this is something that works for them.
Els Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 (edited) I'm not sure why some people are viewing conversation as a dichotomy - 'not being able to hold a conversation that lasts more than an hour' and 'constantly talks for hours on end without being able to appreciate silence' are not the only options available. I can't really answer your question, OP, because a mental connection and emotional devotion are the two most important requirements that I have in a relationship, bar none. So I would certainly hold out for a guy who met both, but I'm not picky about the other things that you mentioned (appearance, etc). FWIW, most LT couples don't spend hours a day just talking, but that sort of thing tends to decline with time, IMO. So if you can't even talk for an hour at the very beginning of your relationship, when everything is fresh and new and there's just so much more to find out about that person, I don't think it's a very good sign. It's sorta like if your partner only feels like having sex twice a week when you've just started having sex, you know? Twice a week is a fairly normal frequency for LT couples, but if you start off like that, you'll probably peter down to once a month or something. Edited April 4, 2012 by Elswyth
carhill Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 I always hear women talking about how they have such a great connection with a guy since they just stayed up all night and talkedI would say the most marked examples of that dynamic IME have become either great female friends of the platonic kind or turned out to be emotional vampires. None of the women I dated, had LTR's with or married had that overwhelming need to talk to me all night like I was a girlfriend or a brother. Those who viewed me as such, sure. "Is it enough for him to just want you" It feels nice, though something I've felt only rarely as a man. I can't speak from a woman's perspective. Question: what exactly does 'more in common' mean to you?
snug.bunny Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 Sounds good to me, but, I also like independence whereas he has his own life and hobbies/interests that are his own. Not that I wouldn't want to share those hobbies/interests with him, but it's good if he has certain things he enjoys doing at his leisure that gives him his own sense of independence. I also wouldn't want to have everything in common. It's nice when two people have some things in common, but different tastes as well. Whereas, they can introduce one another to new things (IE. ideas, views on life, music, food, etc.). I liked your comment about watching some show together and how you enjoyed yourself just sitting there watching it with her. I find value in that, when two people can sit in comfort with one another and just enjoy being in each other's presence. And maybe next time when you watch a show together, after it's over, you can enjoy some spicy nookie time together.
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