DreamWaltz Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 I'm under 30, been divorced a couple of years because of an abusive relationship, and I have a daughter. I've struggled with depression my entire life, and an anxiety disorder...I've been to countless therapists and counselors and not one of them has ever helped me one bit. Anyways, for the last year, I've gotten close to a man. He's absolutely wonderful..I never dreamed someone so wonderful could want someone like me. I have a lot of emotional problems....and I have no self esteem. He's very supportive, and constantly tells me how he wants to have a future with myself and my child. I've almost broken up with him twice already because I feel like I'm not worth it and he's too good for me. I feel like used goods...like trash, since I'm divorced and I didn't go to college, and I'm so behind on life...I hate it. He's so smart and kind and such a hard worker...and I just feel like I'm not good enough for all that. I don't know what to do...I love him with all my heart, but I think he deserves way better. I don't want to drag him down and make him waste the rest of his life with someone like me. I want him to be happy and with someone who can give him everything I can't..... I just don't know what to do or what to think...I could really use some advice right now.... Thank you.
wwwjd Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 First, you are not BEHIND IN LIFE, it is not a race to see who wins. Second, sounds like you are repeating old ways and bad learned habits of believing you are not worthy and all that. Time to lock that away behind a metal door in your heart's museum for later reference, open a new door and try to change it. Easier said than done? Easier done WHEN STARTED! Don't wait. Start right now. You ARE GOOD ENOUGH or he would not be interested in you. Say that to your self in the mirror for 30 days EVERY MORNING and things will change. Or your money back 1
FrustratedStandards Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 But you will make him happy if you let him into your life, because from what i've read, that's exactly what he wants. If you don't feel good enough for him, then do things you know he will appreciate. Ask him what he likes, what he doesn't like. You could work with that. Life is all about attitude. There are plenty of people with university degrees who are no more "ahead" in life. Please don't put yourself down. Foremost, think of your daughter. There is a wonderful father figure who wants to be there for the both of you. Think of how healthy it would be for your daughter if she grew up seeing how well he treats you, and how happy he makes you, rather than the memories of an abusive father (your previous marriage). The problem here isn't worth, it's that you just don't see it. But it's there. I promise.
Ruby Slippers Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 (edited) I know a couple in which the guy is successful, makes good money, very cute, positive, outgoing, and all that good stuff. The woman is... well, bitchy, demanding, negative, dark-hearted, and manipulative. They've been together forever, and he seems crazy about her, and happy to be the light in her life. I think they'll spend the rest of their lives together. Sometimes it makes me angry and jealous that such a bitchy woman gets such a great guy, when I'm a sweetie and have not had such good luck. But I guess it floats their boat. Now, I'm not saying you're bitchy. But having a lot of weak points in comparison to your partner isn't necessarily a deal-breaker. Maybe your guy, like this guy, loves being a total hero to someone, and that lucky someone is you. I say you should do your best to enjoy what you've got Edited April 3, 2012 by Ruby Slippers 1
Eddie Edirol Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 I want him to be happy and with someone who can give him everything I can't..... \ what do you think someone else can give him that you cant besides money? what were you looking for from therapy that they couldnt give you?
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 If he wants to be with you then he's not asking for anymore than you already have. You've got to be able to sit back and relax, and let yourself be happy. Comparing yourself to other people is pointless, you think at the end of your life that any of that is going to matter? Nobody is going to care, in the end everyone is going to say...that's life, that's what it is...good times, bad times, struggles, successes...money didn't change that, education didn't change that, because everyone has to go through their own personal struggles, nobody out there cruises through life without any problems and just thinks about how great they have it. Emotionally you've got a lot of work to do, but If this guy wants to be apart of your life then what are you afraid? Do you want him to just decide to leave now before he does later? Are you trying to let him go because you feel the inevitable is that he will leave you? What kind of life is it to live in things that have not already happened? All you've got is today and as long as you put your best in today then that's all that really matters in the end...you never know If you'll be here tomorrow or even what the world will be...all that other stuff in life is just goals and ambitions which are healthy and give you motivation in your life to try and achieve the best quality of life for yourself...but that's all it is, don't let these ideas manifest into something greater where you feel it makes you less...the world is a cover, underneath are the people and in the facet we are all the same. He's not asking for better or anyone else, do you think you can just be you and put your past behind you and look towards the future? Or would you rather let the past dictate your future? You are worth the value that you place on yourself, not what others place on you...it doesn't matter ultimately what anyone thinks, you don't have anything to prove...It's your choice in the decisions you make, for yourself. I know it's a bit more complicated for you because the emotions override the rational process, but If you change your perspective on things in your life and look at them through a new life...that can change how you feel about yourself and your life, you don't have to give up, you can make great strides and improve in your life, and that's what's important. 1
FrustratedStandards Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 Sometimes it makes me angry and jealous that such a bitchy woman gets such a great guy, when I'm a sweetie and have not had such good luck. But I guess it floats their boat. Ugh. Yes. That upsets me too. 1
Andy_K Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 I love him with all my heart, but I think he deserves way better. Realise that to most men, your 'value' is not your achievements, education, career, or material wealth. It is how attractive they find you and how much love and kindness you have inside to share.
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