justanidiot Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 (edited) I think i made a mistake! My girlfriend and I broke up a month ago, (she broke it off with me, 4 years together), for what seemed to be all the right reasons... I am still holding out hope that we will get back together and try to work out our problems. Unfortunantely, although having these feeling and hopes, i managed to get really drunk recentely and had a one night stand. I feel awful for many reasons, mostly due to breaking my own moral code but also what if my ex and I try to get back together... I feel that even though we were broken up, i didn't give her or our relationship the respect it deserved. I feel awful and am anxious to know what her reaction will be, because i would think i would have to tell her... The ONS really meant nothing and i regret it. Should i tell her? Or is it best to not say a thing? Edited April 3, 2012 by justanidiot
budley12 Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 you said she is your ex... so why would you have to tell her anything?
OffandOnStillinLove Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 wow, i havent had this happen but I understand what youre going thru- Although its really horrible what happend, esp if you feel this is against what youre normally like...but in fact she is not your girlfriend now and you dont have to answer to anything specifically... Id say, if it makes your "conscience" feel better, or if you think that the info will get back to her at some point [ mutual friends, someone else knows, the girl has told a friend.etc] you can VAGUELY tell her that you had an experience with someone that you regret and you dont want it to mess up a future with her, and you value her so much that you felt it was important to "get this out in the open" but also remind her that since you WERE broken up, you weren't sure it even APPLIES to you to, to have to explain, because if each of you were free then is shouldnt matter .... but to pro-actively tell her could "cover your ass" if she finds out some other way, and you can keep it VERY GENERAL... and that you care enough to just generally "let her know" that you did spend some time with someone else, but it meant nothing and SHE is way more important than that hope this helps - <3
Me...IamMe Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 Everyone on here always says its none of the ex's business. I absolutely believe you should tell the ex in the case of frickin' safety. You sleep with ex, then sleep with other, then back to ex. Has anyone heard of fuc- kin std's. If you're not getting back together, then it's none of their business. Does this make sense to anyone on this site?
Author justanidiot Posted April 3, 2012 Author Posted April 3, 2012 Thanks onandoff. That's kind of how I feel. We were split up and for that night I felt like I had the right to do what I want. The next day reality set in, as it always does, and the regret and the worry of the situation really started to hit. I do worry about all the consequences of a ONS. My past relationship even complicates it more. I like your suggestion. It's putting it out there, telling her the regrets I have, but not getting into detail as we were free to do what we wanted. I worry though, because I know Most often emotions trump logic in these cases...
SilverBlueAndGold Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 Thanks onandoff. That's kind of how I feel. We were split up and for that night I felt like I had the right to do what I want. The next day reality set in, as it always does, and the regret and the worry of the situation really started to hit. I do worry about all the consequences of a ONS. My past relationship even complicates it more. I like your suggestion. It's putting it out there, telling her the regrets I have, but not getting into detail as we were free to do what we wanted. I worry though, because I know Most often emotions trump logic in these cases... I can give you some input from somebody that was in exactly her shoes; my ex and I had broken up on a Friday and the next night she had sex with somebody else. The day after she felt guilty and called me to tell me about it. The jury is still out on whether it was a ploy for sympathy to lure me back or what, doesnt really matter now because it is over. My experience was very painful. Even though we were not technically together, I still felt betrayed. It didnt help that it was so quick....I mean the very next day, it felt like she was just waiting to do that. We talked about it a lot and I had a very, very difficult time with it. Was obsessed with details, had a hard time getting it off my mind. In fact I think me never getting over that probably had a lot to do with our final breakup. It was always in the back of my mind... "If you could blow me off that quickly...." Just a view from the other side here, if you do tell her be prepared for the worst.
Chi townD Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 Dude, this stuff happens. You aren't the first to post something like this and you won't be the last. You're hurting and you wanted some human contact; to feel wanted. Remember, she broke it off with you! She wanted you out of her life. And have you considered that she might be doing something like this as well? Hate to say it, but it happens. We're all human!
CaliBabe Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 You owe your ex nothing. I wouldn't tell her... At this point you don't even know if she wants to reconcile. Just do your thing, live it up and have fun. If things work out with the ex, then great, if not, then your still living your life. DO NOT feel bad! 2
Author justanidiot Posted April 9, 2012 Author Posted April 9, 2012 Any stories out there where things worked out okay? I could use a little pick me up!
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