mimilala Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 Hi everyone, I'm new to all this but i felt like i need to unwind a bit about what has been going through my mind. My boyfriend of a year and we are both 23, proposed to me a month ago (didn't tell his parents when he asked) and backed out when his parents made concerning comments about me as a person without even getting to know me. The next day after he talked to them he said he was confused and didn't know what to do and i went on a rampage because i didn't know how to react to such thing. I tried braking up with him because he kept clinging onto me and didn't want to give me space and time to think and process what he has told me. It was hard to do when i left (we where living together) but i got my stuff and bounced right out after a few days. I called him back days later and he said he needed more time to himself and i gave him that. One of his close friend contacted me asking me how i was doing i said not too great because i am hurting and it was a lot to take, but she said to me that he only wanted me to drop the engagement for now until he was ready and I DID. After we started talking again maybe a week later he changed completely. He went from a loving caring bf to a selfish individual. I tried compromising and telling him i wasn't happy with his change of behavior and he said to accept him for what he is. Our meetings were great but then after some time apart it was like he wasn't there at all. He wouldn't call or txt nothing at all and i always try to initiate things. The only thing he said was that something DIED that day i left and whatever it was made him like this. I broke up with him 6 days ago because i felt like he wanted me there as a gf but at the same time it felt like he wanted to be single. I asked him repeatedly if he wanted me to brake up and that was the reason why he was being so mean to me and he said no. He told me not to give up on him and that he loved me and didn't want to lose me. I didn't give up but i can't be fighting for a relationship on my own while he goes and does whatever he want. But in the end HE IS STILL CONFUSED ON WHAT MAKES HIM HAPPY. The brake up was mutual you can say we both agreed it was probably for the best. Haven't talked to him at all since that day and its been hard. I still went on and lived my life but sometimes at night i do cry. Now my question is: What the hell do you think happened here?
light_vader Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 Hello there. What the hell do you think happened here? Well, there can be a combination of things but in the end only HE knows what really happened. You see, many people will disagree with me, but I think your parents "blessing" is very important when taking a HUGE step like marriage. Marriage is NOT something to be taken lightly (yes, there are divorces.. but then for me it is a big deal, not just a contract or a signature). When you come from a dysfunctional family where you don't get along with your parents and they have no influence on your life, then how can you expect to build your own family, if you never had a good example at home to start with? And no, I ain't talking anything about religion or Jesus or anything (I'm an Atheist), but more of primal links with your own blood. That is not to say you should always follow your parents lead, or do what they want for you, but having them updated on your life is always important; asking them for advice, respecting them. When he asked his parents about the decision, there could be many outcomes, one of them being, them being concerned about who you were (do they know you enough? Do you guys hold a good relationship? Probably not?) and you both being so young to be on board of such a trip. And also remember when you marry someone, you marry their family too, it sounds like a cheesy Christmas card text, but it is true. Imagine you marrying someone and then never getting to go to their parents' and always being enemy with them. Also the example you will give to your kids, if you happen to have? Marriage is about family believe it or not, so what can you expect from individuals who marry but then never really got along with the other partner's family, or even their own. That is a cheap start from my point of view. Now, I know some would say "If he really loved you, he would have married you disregarding his parent's will", but I think he might still love you, it's just love alone is not enough to have a relationship. Life is complicated. That love is enough would be like saying positive thinking is enough to overcome everything in life, but then you indulge yourself in a diet consisting of junk food, then ask yourself why you get so sick despite your positive thinking, see? Also and finally, I think you guys are extremely young to marry. I am nobody to question your decisions, but were you really sure? Have you thought of all it takes to have a successful marriage, leaving aside the fact you might love each other, the sex is great, you guys have so much fun and you like the same bands? Not trying to be a jerk, but you know, marriage is a big of a deal. I think in the end despite all, probably this wasn't just a good time in your lives to embark that train, because sometimes things are just like that "If we had meet before/later in life".
Whisky1981 Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 What happened here girl is that you doged a bullet. In the moment that you would have married him he would have turned in the person you saw after the engagement proposal. So hang in there! I know it is hard but you`ll go trough this!
Author mimilala Posted April 3, 2012 Author Posted April 3, 2012 Yea i guess you guys are right. It's been really hard and i can't stop crying. I tried making contact with his family but they just don't plain like me. I'm not sure because they are wealthy and i'm not so wealthy as they are that they probably don't want us to get mixed up. I do think family is important and yes marriage is a big deal. That's why i dropped it and said it's fine lets continue dating and whenever we are ready lets move on from there. But ever since that he's changed a lot. and yes i think i did dodge a bullet. Better for it to happen now then later. He just changed completely on me and it hurt it for a while that i had to just let him go to let him decide what on earth he wants to do. I tried my best not to give up but i felt like i was fighting alone in the relationship and he wasn't making any effort. I hope i did the right thing.
Kuen Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 Call or text him and set a friendly date and try to asked him about the things that bothers you most of the events happen in your relationship, that is hard for you to move on.
Frank13 Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 Now my question is: What the hell do you think happened here? I think this is what happened - I tried braking up with him because he kept clinging onto me and didn't want to give me space and time to think and process what he has told me. It was hard to do when i left (we where living together) but i got my stuff and bounced right out after a few days. You wanted your space and now you got it. 1
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