..Is he ashamed of me?

[Woowoo]

Hi everyone

I have been in a long distance relationship for 6 months. My boyfriend and I have known each other as penpals for about 12 years, and realised that we felt more for each other than friendship. We live 314 miles apart, in different countries.

He is a wonderful caring man, who I love very much. We speak everyday on skype. He tells me he loves me all the time, that he wants to get married and have children with me. We have even discussed me moving there, or him moving here.

The last time we met in person, we were physical together and it was his first time.

I was very nervous too, as I am quite badly scarred on my arms and am quite self concious about it, but he said the scars didnt bother him.

The thing that bothers me is that he wont tell his family about me. His brothers and sisters are all older than him (he's 32) and in relationships or married themselves.

I know that he is a very shy person, and also a very private person, (although he's not shy when he's with me) but I am not sure how to react to this. He makes me so happy and I am so proud to be his girlfriend that I want to shout it from the roof tops, my family and friends know about him and I just love talking to them about him and letting them see how happy he makes me.

But, as I said, he doesnt want to tell his family about me. He has said that it's because he is shy about this kind of thing, and I do understand, but surely if he wants a future with me, he would feel the same as I do?

I am supposed to be flying out to see him next month, and he has talked about going different places and seeing the sights, but not about meeting any of his family.

I dont want to bring it up with him, especially not over the internet. If it turns out he is just very shy, me putting pressure on him for answers might just ruin the relationship.

Is he ashamed of me? Or is he as shy as he says he is?

I want a future with this man, but I am not prepared to be someones dirty little secret, which to be honest, is what I feel like at the moment.

I'm so confused and dont know what to do, someone please give me some honest advice!

xxxxxxxx

[Ghisop]

I am very protective about people meeting my family. That's a huge deal to me. Some people aren't like that and introduce whoever they are dating. I am 32 and have brought 2 men home in my life. I always want to make sure it is the real deal before hand. I am not ashamed of anyone I dats, just very protective. I have been with my bf now for 6 months. I have told my family about him but he has never met them, only recently have I actually been ready to introduce. Maybe that's how he is

[Woowoo]

Thank you Ghisop. As I am not very close to my family, I hadn't actually thought of that, you make a very good point

Best of luck to you with your boyfriend also

xxxxxxxxx

[CC12]

I wouldn't worry about it. You've only been in a relationship for six months, and it's been mostly conducted online. A lot of people wouldn't consider that very serious. Not that your boyfriend necessarily thinks your relationship isn't serious, but his family might have a hard time wrapping their heads around it if he told them, "Yeah, I have a girlfriend and I've only seen her a handful of times and no, you can't meet her because she lives in another country, but it's super serious."

 

I mean, there's kind of no point in telling them unless your relationship progresses somehow. Even though you two have formed a relationship, in a lot of people's eyes, you're still mostly penpals. There's not a lot to tell people about yet.

[TMichaels]

I dunno. I disagree with the other other posters.

 

A 32 year-old man who's afraid to tell his parents about you?

 

Sorry, but he either has some serious psychological issues or he's hiding something.

 

You've only invested six months so it's not as though you've already thrown away half your life on this guy. However, if I were you the next time you see him I would have a frank discussion face-to-face why it is he's treating you this way, how it makes you feel, and tell him that if sincerely expects you to remain in his life, he needs to grow a pair and publicly acknowledge you and your relationship, or you truly won't exist -- FOR REAL -- in his life, at all.

 

Best,

TMichaels

[creighton0123]

Six months is such a short time. You two are still figuring one another out. Meeting the family usually occurs after figuring it out is over and done with.

[Kuen]

Being honest to the family and friends about your relationship is somewhat hard to do it because 6 months being together in the internet. It takes sometime to tell them because they need a proper timing and he protects his family or even you .

[befreckled]

I honestly don't feel that he is ashamed of you. Everyone has a different stage of being ready to "reveal" the boyfriend/girlfriend and I find when you are past your early 20s, you tend to hold back to letting the family in until you are ABSOLUTELY certain.

 

I met my boyfriend's parents when we were about 3 months in, I went over to his family home for dinner but he didn't meet my parents till after our 1st year. And I didn't tell them until a couple weeks before that. I just wanted to be extra extra certain that we were good for the long-haul. I'm 32 as well and I've been through an engagement and a couple of serious relationships...

 

Of course...this might not be your boyfriend's situation but if it was, it's still understandable.

 

I say, give it time and let it happen naturally. Boys tend to be slow at these things anyway.

[Ellamay]

Youve only been together 6 months and live miles away. You dont even know each other that well. He may very well want a future with you, but right now, hes still getting to know you. You cant make permanent decisions after 6 months thats insane.

[ZacThomas]

If you felt so that he is ashamed of you or want to hide you from his family. Then in spite of thinking of your own talk to him. Justify him what you want from him. You have to talk to him about this matter as your future depends upon this conversation.