setsenia Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 I met my friend at our last job in 2010. We've been good friends for awhile and even when I quit that job, we hung out every now and then. Well...all of a sudden it feels like she just stopped wanting to hang out. We have so much in common and talked about almost everything. I haven't actually "hung out" with her since last August. When I got my office job, I referred her (at this time, I didn't know it was a horrible place to work) because it was a better paying job. She started working here in January. She knew I just had best interests at heart since I didn't know what the company was really like. We still hung out on lunches until that gradually stopped. I used to wait for her outside and she wouldn't come, she'd go in the opposite direction in the hallway and when I confronted her later, she said she's just so close to everyone in the office that she needed a break. I'm trying to let it go as far as our friendship is concerned. I know we sit next to each other all day long and we chat on facebook, because we aren't allowed to talk. Now she doesn't even respond to my messages. It seems like she is trying to stop all communication with me other than when we have to chat at work. I'm really regretting referring her to this job as I feel it has ruined our friendship. I don't know what to do. I confronted her about omitting me from her posts on facebook, but she said that she didn't, even though I can see her posts on my friend's profiles. I've also noticed over the course of our friendship, that she's told me how irritated her other friends have made her by doing this and that, omits them from her facebook posts when she talks about them and then hangs out with them like nothing ever happened. She'll also complain a lot about past coworkers and then talk really nice to them as if they are good friends. I often wonder if she does the same to me. Talks like good friends and then complains about me later to someone else. I really hate people like that. I really don't know what to do. I feel a loss of our friendship.
whichwayisup Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 You didn't do anything wrong..It's her. Just stop trying to put so much effort into the friendship. Keep her as a casual friend but distance yourself from her at work. Don't do the facebook thing with her either. If she notices and says something then be honest and tell her why you've backed off..If she doesn't notice then you know she's not a real friend. Try not to let this upset you too much. She's not worth it. Another angle to look at this so you feel better..People sometimes just grow apart. Life changes, new jobes, new friends, different experiences over time.. It's nobody's fault.
Author setsenia Posted April 3, 2012 Author Posted April 3, 2012 Good point! Did I mention she's 20 years older? I am 23 and she's 43. She's single and no kids if that helps. We really hit it off for awhile, but I think she's preferring to hang with her older single friends since she's dating and I'm married. Makes sense. She's also still into going out and drinking with same-age friends who are also single and looking, so I can see where it may not be appropriate to hang out if that's what she's doing. LOL Thanks for the advice!
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