Princess71 Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 I have a guy friend that I hooked up with about a year ago and since then we decided just to remain friends. Well, he decided and i went along with it. We would talk very infrequently on skype, initiated by him. Then my computer broke and we no longer spoke on skype and we went several months with no communication and I called him and he sounded very happy to hear from me and was flirtatious, saying he has to get in line behind all the other guys who want to date me and that he's going to call me. Needless to say I got no call. It's now been three months later and I called him again a couple weeks ago and I left a message and he hasn't called back. Can I call him again? I know you're going to say he's not into me but I really really like this guy. My question is not whether you think he's interested, but how pathetic you think I'll look if i call again. We ARE only friends, right? Don't people call their friends again if they don't hear back fr them??? Thanks for your help!!
veggirl Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 You guys don't keep in touch via FB or email or anything else? I suppose you could call once more, but yeah if he was interested he would have called back and stuff....I think you were just a hook up, I would try to forget this one
Author Princess71 Posted April 2, 2012 Author Posted April 2, 2012 Please, someone else respond. To give u more information, He told me he has social phobia and that he has trouble dealing with women. He's confident being social with guys and in business but has trouble with women. When we hooked up, we made out for like an hour and then he said he had to go and left my apt like it was on fire. He hasn't had a relationship in 17 years. So I was thinking maybe he needs more of a push??
Yookie Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 I have a guy friend that I hooked up with about a year ago and since then we decided just to remain friends. Well, he decided and i went along with it. We would talk very infrequently on skype, initiated by him. Then my computer broke and we no longer spoke on skype and we went several months with no communication and I called him and he sounded very happy to hear from me and was flirtatious, saying he has to get in line behind all the other guys who want to date me and that he's going to call me. Needless to say I got no call. It's now been three months later and I called him again a couple weeks ago and I left a message and he hasn't called back. Can I call him again? I know you're going to say he's not into me but I really really like this guy. My question is not whether you think he's interested, but how pathetic you think I'll look if i call again. We ARE only friends, right? Don't people call their friends again if they don't hear back fr them??? Thanks for your help!! Don't kid yourself. He knows that you want him for more than just friends which is why he will talk to you occasionally and flirt for the ego boost when he has nothing better to do. How pathetic will you look? How about so pathetic that every time you chase after him after he already rejected you, you will greatly reduce your chances of ever getting respect from him. He might use you as a booty call though in future if he's having a slow patch.
Yookie Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 Please, someone else respond. To give u more information, He told me he has social phobia and that he has trouble dealing with women. He's confident being social with guys and in business but has trouble with women. When we hooked up, we made out for like an hour and then he said he had to go and left my apt like it was on fire. He hasn't had a relationship in 17 years. So I was thinking maybe he needs more of a push?? Oh wow I just saw this part. In the year since you hooked up have you seen him in person? Do you know where he lives and who he lives with? How much do you know about him? If what he is saying is true what makes you think you can change his mind (or fix him??) if he's ok with not being in a relationship for 17 years? ... especially when he doesn't even want a relationship with you.
Author Princess71 Posted April 3, 2012 Author Posted April 3, 2012 Thank you so much for replying. I have not seen him in person since I saw him last year. It's so hard for me to give all the details because I'm so afraid he will read this. I guess I'll have to take that chance. We were at a residential weight loss facility when we met and I was dating someone there and so me and this guy and the GUy I was dating were all friends for six months. When we got home I broke up with the guy I was seeing and this guy came to visit me and that's when we hooked up. And then he fled. I can't understand it because he knew me, knew what I looked like, etc. when I questioned him about it he said he doesn't know why he reacted that way. A few girls came on to him at the facility and I remember him telling me at the time that he was scared and didn't know how to handle it. Can I change his mind? I don't know. But I really really like him. So it's doubtful I will ever be a bootycall. Can I try and call again? If so how long should I wait? I called 2 weeks ago.
salparadise Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 Please, someone else respond. To give u more information, He told me he has social phobia and that he has trouble dealing with women. He's confident being social with guys and in business but has trouble with women. When we hooked up, we made out for like an hour and then he said he had to go and left my apt like it was on fire. He hasn't had a relationship in 17 years. So I was thinking maybe he needs more of a push?? That is entirely possible. I say call him and tell him you care for him and want to date him. What do you have to loose? The worst thing that will happen is that nothing will happen––the same situation you have already. Sometimes you just have to shake the tree if you want something to change.
Author Princess71 Posted April 3, 2012 Author Posted April 3, 2012 Thank you, Sal. So, are you saying its ok to call him again even though he did not respond to my last call?
daphne Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 Thank you, Sal. So, are you saying its ok to call him again even though he did not respond to my last call? It sounds like you didn't get the answer you wanted, so you waited til someone gave you permission to do something that is probably the wrong decision. He hasn't called you. You can come up with even more excuses as to why he might not be calling you. But he has really not shown any recent interest. And if he can't get beyond his own issues to call you (which I don't think is the case,) why would you want someone who can't work through that to see a girl he's interested in? It's illogical. I think that's a bit selfish to try to push what you want on someone who's not interested. Plus, it doesn't really work with men. 1
irc333 Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 It would depend, I would call more than once if I had built up enough rapport and if we were planning on getting together, then, if they decide to fall off the planet, I'd probably follow up with. "Hey, just following up, you still on for Saturday?" or more of a "Where'd you go?" type of email maybe. I have a guy friend that I hooked up with about a year ago and since then we decided just to remain friends. Well, he decided and i went along with it. We would talk very infrequently on skype, initiated by him. Then my computer broke and we no longer spoke on skype and we went several months with no communication and I called him and he sounded very happy to hear from me and was flirtatious, saying he has to get in line behind all the other guys who want to date me and that he's going to call me. Needless to say I got no call. It's now been three months later and I called him again a couple weeks ago and I left a message and he hasn't called back. Can I call him again? I know you're going to say he's not into me but I really really like this guy. My question is not whether you think he's interested, but how pathetic you think I'll look if i call again. We ARE only friends, right? Don't people call their friends again if they don't hear back fr them??? Thanks for your help!!
Oxy Moronovich Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 Call him and get it over with. The suspense is obviously killing you. His phone might not have been working. Just like something happened to your computer that stopped you from skyping. Something could have happened to his cell that stopped him from receiving your call (i.e. he lost it or he didn't pay his bills or he got a new phone).
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 I'm really not sure why you're insisting and acting out so desperately...don't you think a guy who is into you or is even half-considering being with you in any way going to call you back? Hell, even If he wanted you as a booty-call he would have tried saying another BS line about other guys so you could tell him there's no one else and he could come over and burn a few calories. The guy should have just honest and straight-forward about what his intentions are and that he's not really interested...for someone with your mindset you need it almost undeniably clear to take a hint and that's a big maybe even then. The most you could have hoped for was for him to string you along a bit for the sex, not sure why you would want that...why are you waiting around a year for this guy? If someone doesn't want to meet you half-way, then you shouldn't even waste your time...end of story, anything else is just forcing it. You can't change his mind, It's not a social fear...maybe he's been single for 17 years because he wants to be?
Author Princess71 Posted April 3, 2012 Author Posted April 3, 2012 He doesn't even date. I am friends with his roommate. She says he stays home every weekend. So I believe that he does have some sort of social problem. I just don't get it because he has so much personality and is so outgoing and you'd never think he had a problem. It seems it's only with dating situations where he has a problem. Has anyone ever heard of this??
garycoleman Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 Yes it's acceptable. I called this girl twice and she didn't pick up her phone. I knocked on her door and she asked why I didn't call her. I told her I called twice. While she was there, I called her phone and it didn't ring because there was a problem with her phone.
lso802 Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 I BS that excuse to girls I'm not interested in, too. Works all the time, and I'm never the bad guy.
Author Princess71 Posted April 3, 2012 Author Posted April 3, 2012 Gary, I wish that were the case here but it was his cell phone and I heard his message come on and everything so I know the call went through. I can only hope some freak thing happened and my message got erased or didn't record or whatever. But in my whole life I've never really experienced not getting someone's message. Has anyone else??
Author Princess71 Posted April 3, 2012 Author Posted April 3, 2012 I BS that excuse to girls I'm not interested in, too. Works all the time, and I'm never the bad guy. Believe me, had I not witnessed how he behaved around other girls I would have thought it was an excuse too. But he didn't go for any of the girls who went for him and there were at least 3 that I can think of.
lso802 Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 Believe me, had I not witnessed how he behaved around other girls I would have thought it was an excuse too. But he didn't go for any of the girls who went for him and there were at least 3 that I can think of. Either way, I think you should go for someone that will at least meet you halfway and not leave you hanging like this. Shyness or anxiety isn't an excuse. I used to be like that in HS but got out of it, if there was someone I really liked. If I was scared, I'd text, things like that. Stop making excuses for this guy.
GivenUp0083 Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 Dear OP, Those telling you to move on and forget him are only trying to spare you similar pain they all once endured in the past. Asking for a different answer until you hear the one you want to hear isnt going to help your situation. My take: do what you feel is right and what makes you happy. If you want to call him again then go for it. If you want us to tell you if we think he'll lose respect for you for doing so then it's like asking an infant what is the meaning of life. There's no way for us to know: we don't know him. If you call and he is put off by it then gather your self respect and write him off. Why do you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you? Do you really want to be with a guy that thinks making a follow up phone call is low? Ultimately you have to learn your own way, and if that means getting burned so be it, just keep this one concept in mind: YOUR INTEREST IN HIM HAS NO EFFECT ON HIS INTEREST IN YOU. No matter how much YOU like him does not have any effect on whether he likes you back. You cant change that, either he likes you or he doesn't and if he wants to be with you there's no excuse he'll use to stop himself from trying to make it happen. 1
Emilia Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 He doesn't even date. I am friends with his roommate. She says he stays home every weekend. So I believe that he does have some sort of social problem. I just don't get it because he has so much personality and is so outgoing and you'd never think he had a problem. It seems it's only with dating situations where he has a problem. Has anyone ever heard of this?? Irrelevant. You hooked up in the past and he wanted to be friends only after that. That's all you need to know, you shouldn't even be in touch with him really, he rejected you big time in the past. No matter how shy, a guy won't want to be friends if he is interested after hooking up.
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