Good Soul Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 Met this person online, we live 300 miles from one another. We were able to see each other every 6 months for a few weeks at a time. His drinking has become a real issue for me in the last year. I began to pay attention to how often he sounded either flat out, can't deny it, drunk (twice a month, sometimes more) or merely into his cups. It has become apparent to me this person has a serious problem. Because the relationship is an LDR he has been able to hide the extent of his problem from me, I suppose. I was really hoping I was wrong about him, but I can no longer be in denial about his problem. I have tried to encourage this person to seek help, but of course he doesn't have a problem I really had high hopes for this relationship, we share many things in common that most people have no interest in. Finding a kindred spirit has always been problematic for me, that is one of the reasons I hung in there as long as I did. I am so pissed off that my ex refuses to even acknowledge he has a problem with alcohol. Flat out refuses to see how the amount of alcohol he apparently consuming is problematic, gets pissed off and yelly if I broach the topic. Not trying to be overly judgmental about drinking, but there is drinking and then there is drinking... I think most adults know the difference between having a few to unwind and getting faced every chance one gets. So, yeah, it's goodbye and good luck time. I would like to hear other people's experience with this issue. This was my first LDR, and we met on the internet. I would imagine the chances of meeting someone online with serious personal issues is higher than if you meet the person IRL (duh) I'm feeling pretty stupid right now about the whole situation, I should have broken it off at the first sign of a problem, but if weren't for the alcohol we would still be together. I gave him 3 chances over a period of time to get help, or stop drinking, but each time it would slowly go back to him drinking more than I was comfortable with. I was very clear and as non-judgemental as humanly possible when I addressed the problems I had with his consumption. I didn't beat around the bush, nor did I beat him over the head. But he just flat out refuses to even consider he has a problem with booze. Sorry for the ramble, I have been caught up in this for a while, and I just ended it a few days ago. It's hard for me to sort my thoughts out at the moment, that's why I'm here. Advice and comments are very welcome, thanks for reading.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 I'd say it was a good move all around, on your part. And you can feel additionally good about yourself for having given him more 'chances' than most would. Just put him in the past and leave him there, while focusing on a future which affords you much more to do and think about.
Woowoo Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 I'd say it was a good move all around, on your part.. I agree, ending the relationship was probably the best thing you could have done, for your own piece of mind. Try not to let this one relationship put you off talking and metting people off the internet, the majority of people you will meet online are genuine. Unfortunately you were unlucky with this one, but there are plenty of decent guys out there. While I am sure you are upset that the relationship ended, I am sure you are better off for it. Always remember to stay safe when an online relationship moves forward to irl. I wish you the very best of luck and am sending positive thoughts your way. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Author Good Soul Posted April 3, 2012 Author Posted April 3, 2012 Thank you both for your kind words. I still can't wrap my brain around how a grown adult man can't comprehend such an obvious problem in his life. We aren't talking about a "Let's Party!" 20-something here. Then I have to question my own sanity in sticking around as long as I have, except the problem wasn't as apparent at first. Or, more likely, I just didn't want to see it for what it was. He wasn't the stereotypical mean drunk, but all drunks tend to become really annoying no matter what type of drunk they are. *sigh* So depressing. And even though I know I shouldn't, I feel like the schmuck for ending it, ugh.
Woowoo Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 I understand how you feel completely hun, I myself lived with an alcoholic (parent, not partner) for many years, and you've hit the nail on the head. Sometimes we care so much for someone, we don't really want to see what is going on. As my stepmother would say, when we love, we wear rose tinted glasses lol. We always feel bad when a relationship ends, and blame ourselves, but please remember HE is the one with the drinking problem. You are the one who tried to help. Unfortunately, alcoholism is one of the problems that will never be solved until the sufferer admits it to themselves. You've done your best. It will hurt, but time heals all wounds. Be strong, be safe, and in time, you will be happy. xxxxxxxx
Feelin Frisky Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 ... I still can't wrap my brain around how a grown adult man can't comprehend such an obvious problem in his life. We aren't talking about a "Let's Party!" 20-something here. ... Alcoholism has claimed hundreds of millions of men and women through the ages. It's a complex chain of compulsions, rationalizations, denials, and so forth and it defies simple logic from an unafflicted person. The person with the affliction loses the ability to be objective and discerning about themselves when in the life-style. You'll be the first person ever to "get your mind around it" without having battled your own way out of it if you manage to indeed do that. Just accept that it's nothing small to be trifled with and all alcoholics are liars to themselves and others no matter how good their hearts seem to be. Better luck with someone else.
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