momto3boys Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 My husband left me when i was 7 months pregnant, i moved back home (6 hours away). We ended up working things out after my son was born, but now a month ago he ended things AGAIN. This time is different though, last time he was EXTREMELY mean, telling me he didnt love me, go "f*ck someone else so youll leave me a lone" and ignored me all the time. This time he is being civil and anytime i email he emails me back. The other day he called me a whore on the phone (this was after i said i should go out and have fun this time and meet people and ive been tied down for 7 years, i havent even ever been to a male strip club!) and i emailed him saying do not call me a whore and he wrote me this email back: I didn't. I said if you're going to church maybe you shouldn't cause you're making it sound like that's what you'll do and then talking about going out and just having sex with someone. I really don't care Amanda its not going to bother me one bit. You can go sleep with whoever you want right now and I won't care. I'm over you. I've been over you and just been trying to force it to work and its not. And if I find someone else its none of your business. I'm sure I will. And when it happens youre not going to call me a million times like a maniac or try to talk ****. It's none of your business. You're not going to tell me about how its only been a couple weeks or anything like that. I have been over you for a while. Like since the last time we separated 7 months ago and have just been trying to make it work and get feelings back because of the boys. It's just not happening and I was not happy with you. I wasn't happy with you for a lot of the marriage. I guess that's what I get for getting married at 19 after knowing you 4 months. I learned my lesson. And don't go getting all bitchy saying I'm an *******. Im not saying I regret it all. I love the boys, but ever since we met we did things all wrong and were not ready for everything we did. But whatever. It's done, we are over and I'm starting over, getting my life together and doing things right. I'll find someone that loves me and doesn't try to control me, get a real job and an education. And just take things in my life slow and do them right. But whatever, I don't even know why I'm telling you all this. I'm getting ready to go to.church. bye and anytime i respond back, he replies back with a short message. Id rather him be mean and cut me off then respond to everything, im back to no contact again (i was no contact for 3 weeks til he contacted me about the tags to me car). I feel like the email he wrote is sorta harsh. Even if he means it i dont think he should have told me all of this. I didnt ask how he felt, i just said please dont call me a whore anymore. I dont really understand why he keeps telling me all this stuff and responding to me all the time now. I am officially dont, i am filing for child support today and contacting a divorce lawyer. Any kind words of encouragement that might make me feel a tad bit better after such an email like that? It was like a stab in the heart...
carhill Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 Having gone through a fairly amicable divorce, I can opine there are many moments during the process where such an e-mail might have been something I *felt* like writing, but MC kicked in and I saw the benefits of a less rancorous path. IMO, hire the lawyer and H can communicate, if civilly, directly with you; if not, refer him to your lawyer. Most people would suggest all communications in a rancorous divorce to go through their lawyer but that can get expensive. I'd expect bumps like this throughout the process. As my best friend likes to put it, your spouse is angry. That's valid. It has nothing to do with you. Those are his feelings. Hope his faith and spiritual community can help him with that. Good luck.
Author momto3boys Posted April 2, 2012 Author Posted April 2, 2012 Thanks carhill, im hoping so too, i have turned to church to help me get through this and my kids as well. I am hoping ill feel better after a divorce lawyer meeting
carhill Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 I'd suggest interviewing a couple lawyers to compare 'fit'. Each client and practitioner is different and fit is important IME, especially since there are children involved. Faith can be a real empowerment during difficult times. I hope it helps you. This too shall pass and life will go on.
PWSX3 Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 Some people lash out to those they love & don't even know it. yes that had to hurt to hear he isn't sure that he ever did love you, but you can't marry someone & have kids without some kind of feelings so I think he is confused. I do have to ask if I may; when he came back what did you two do to try & work on the relationship? Did you do counseling or anything or just try & work on it yourself? I got back together with my ex after 3 years of being divorced & the one main reason was we both got back to church. For me I got into classes at church, met some great new friends that were positive & supportive. Having kids makes it a lot harder, but your relationship can't be just for the kids. Good luck, take your time...
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