snowjoan Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 Hello I am new to posting here though a frequent browser and am looking for some advice. Two days ago I met up with a guy that I had been talking to online. Before the date we spoke to each other on the phone a few times. So we met up for a meal then went on to a cocktail bar. I think we were both quite nervous at first but then the conversation flowed and we both relaxed and we talked about various things, seemed to share the same sense of humour and interests - like running and cycling and we have the same taste in music. About four hours into the date I mentioned that it was my sister's birthday the following day and that we were meeting up quite early to go shopping. (This is true and I said that as I had taken the day off from work I would have liked to have a bit of a lie but oh well...)He responded by saying he had a early start at work the following day. And then the tone of the evening changed. He suddenly got up and said we had both better go. Theb he raced ahead towards his car and opened the door to get in. My car was parked opposite so I just quickly said 'bye'. He turned around, smiled and said 'bye' back and got in his car! I felt this to be a very abrupt ending to our evening and quite strange given that we were having a nice relxed chat moments before. I have no idea why! Do you think he just all of a sudden realised he didn't like me! Very strange...!!!
TaraMaiden Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 Ask him the next time you speak - "hey, what was the big rush? why did you just dash off like that?" Might as well risk it for a biscuit than be puzzled and wonder about it... you'll then be able to gauge from his answer whether your next line should be, "oh, ok... well how about dinner tonight?" or "Well thanks for that, at least I know where I stand now!"
Emilia Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 I think he is insecure and he thought it was your excuse to leave.
Author snowjoan Posted April 2, 2012 Author Posted April 2, 2012 Thanks so far for your responses. A friend of mine thinks he was just waiting for his chance to go and when it came he couldn't get out of there fast enough!! Do you think that someone could put on an act for a few hours so as not to hurt his date's feelings and then when it's all over not bother about the act any more? ..Or am I just thinking into things too much?!
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 Looks like you spoiled his investment in this whole night by dashing his hopes of him taking you home that night for his other form of exercise. It would be one thing to say "Oh, you've got to get going then since you'll be up in the morning?" which would mean he might feel like you may be blowing him off and interested in leaving at that point...however since his mood and demeanor changed it appears he wanted more out of that night with you than just getting to know your interest and hobbies. Maybe he figured he better get a rush on so he can go home and make other plans with his lady of the night since he knew this was leading nowhere at least for tonight. So I don't think he was that into you, seems like you had a fair enough time but he was probably trying to match interest more than being genuine and himself...running some sort of weak game. I'm a little suspicious of this being an actual real post since it seems quite obvious to me...I would recommend not meeting at a cocktail bar for the first date, try something without alcohol involved...alcohol for men means possible lay. You also want to make sure he's really interested in you by taking it slower than faster...you may want to meet right away and get to it but in the dating world many men can have their own agendas and when you're eager It just makes it all the easier for them...try to get to know them, the real person, instead of the surface stuff. If someone is interested they'll take the time or you're just rolling the dice if you're just simply matching profiles or relying on whats being said on them (which you never should completely). The guy turned out to be rude and uninterested, It's a shame he handled himself in that way, which to me clearly means he was putting on a facade the whole time in hopes of it going somewhere fast between you two.
Author snowjoan Posted April 2, 2012 Author Posted April 2, 2012 Looks like you spoiled his investment in this whole night by dashing his hopes of him taking you home that night for his other form of exercise. I'm a little suspicious of this being an actual real post since it seems quite obvious to me...I would recommend not meeting at a cocktail bar for the first date, try something without alcohol involved...alcohol for men means possible lay. QUOTE] This is definitely a real post!!! Hmm as I was expecting - I think he quickly changed his mind-for whatever reason. We went to the bar as it was next to the restaurant and as we were both driving we only had one alcoholic drink each there so I don't think the alcohol thing gave him ideas.
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 (edited) Thanks so far for your responses. A friend of mine thinks he was just waiting for his chance to go and when it came he couldn't get out of there fast enough!! Do you think that someone could put on an act for a few hours so as not to hurt his date's feelings and then when it's all over not bother about the act any more? ..Or am I just thinking into things too much?! If he was waiting for his chance to go he wouldn't have sat there for 4 hours, plus he didn't seem to have a hard time bailing on you once you dropped the bomb that you had to be up early in the morning. That shows his true colors right there (you actually might want to use it in the future even If you're just making it up to see how the guy will react) I think you got lucky because If not he might have been so forthcoming about his intentions. Also If he was butt hurt you had to go, he would have gotten sad not just bailed, but he would have been understanding and gave you a hug goodbye and left an opportunity to see each other again, he wouldn't have just ran out like that imo. Bottom line: Men who are interested in a relationship or even getting to know you better don't react like this. You spent 4 hours with him, If this was 15 mins into the date or 30, even an hour it might be able to feel like maybe she wasn't that into me...but I think that's hardly the case. Also the amount of alcohol you drink or do not drink is irrelevant...it's the "environment" that gives him this idea, he may feel you're more open to something that night since It's very casual and typical of people to go home together after a night at the bar (at least in a mans mind, I knew immediately you would jump on that part because I had a feeling you may not have even had a drink but I couldn't edit it..) Edited April 2, 2012 by Ninjainpajamas
Emilia Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 Erm.. while I think a healthy dose of scepticism is a good thing in life, I think you should talk to the guy OP before jumping to conclusions. Make sure you don't add 2 and 2 together and come up with 5
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 Erm.. while I think a healthy dose of scepticism is a good thing in life, I think you should talk to the guy OP before jumping to conclusions. Make sure you don't add 2 and 2 together and come up with 5 So you think that under any circumstances It's ok to spend 4 hours getting to know someone, hear that she has to wake up early in the morning and then he acts all weird and decides to bail? he doesn't say goodbye, ask her about a next date, turns and smiles without even walking to her to her car in which he still didn't turn around and give her a hug at least? Damn, might as well lay down in front of his car while he was getting in it...not much for respect and standards in this day and age are we ladies? Sounds like an awesome guy...I'm sure there's a perfectly valid excuse ::rolls eyes:: only you can't think of one that would actually make any sense can you? hmm that can't mean because there really isn't one can it? nah, I'm sure it was "something else"...I swear some people dont get it unless they're smacked in the face with it...actions>words.
dasein Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 Unwarranted assumptions are funny. In this case would go with the straightforward explanation, he got caught up in the date, as did you. Both realized you needed to get home, and didn't do a long goodbye. Don't worry about it. Whether he asks you out for other dates within a reasonable time, begins to make physical advances and after a few dates, begins to show interest in involving you in his life is what matters. Almost all the rest is "noise" and we can drive ourselves crazy trying to puzzle out what some little thing "means." If he doesn't ask you out again within a reasonable time, move on to other options.
Author snowjoan Posted April 2, 2012 Author Posted April 2, 2012 Yeh it seems like I'm worrying too much about this date. I'm not even sure if I like him enough to want to see him again but I don't know whether that's only down to his weird exit! I'll just wait and see if he contacts me again. I won't contact him but if he calls asking for date no.2 then I'll accept and probably forget all this nonsense!
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 When I read the OP, my thoughts were pretty much the opposite of Ninja's. I thought that he might have suddenly felt very awkward about how to end the date, now that it was clear that it was time to end it. Kiss? Hug? No? So he bolted. When I was dating, I sometimes found the end of a first date to be pretty uncomfortable. You'll have a much better idea of where he is coming from when he asks you out for a second date, or doesn't. But if you like him, there is nothing wrong with giving him a call.
Leegh Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 I think it's too early to tell at this point. If you don't hear from him within a couple of weeks, you could text or call him once, at most. In addition, he should have opened the car door for you.
Author snowjoan Posted April 2, 2012 Author Posted April 2, 2012 I think it's too early to tell at this point. If you don't hear from him within a couple of weeks, you could text or call him once, at most. In addition, he should have opened the car door for you. Thanks again I don't think I'll call him though as the more I think about it the more I feel he wasn't at all interested. However he did ask me lots of questions about myself and paid attention to what I was saying whilst leaning in towards me, all signs which apparantly mean they like you. I think though that his final action blew all that out the window. It's been two days now and he hasn't called so I think give it another day or so then write him off and move on to the next one!
FitChick Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 Looks like you spoiled his investment in this whole night by dashing his hopes of him taking you home that night for his other form of exercise. That's what I thought.
blueskyday Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 Yes that could have been it. He could also have thought you were ending the evening because YOU weren't interested, and then felt insecure and anxious to get out of there. Some guys (and girls!) are insecure, and assume every comment is meant to tell them something. In this case, you saying you had to get up early might have been misconstrued as, "I need to go now and that's my excuse. I'm not all that into you." No worries. I would send him one text to gauge his interest. Mention that you would like to see him again to continue your fun/conversation from the other night.... But, then, write him off if he doesn't respond. In that case, he might have been trying to get you for a one night deal.
turt Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 Have you talked to him since? You really can't jump to a conclusion yet. If he doesn't respond or hesitates to respond... then you'll have your answer.
Author snowjoan Posted April 2, 2012 Author Posted April 2, 2012 I haven't spoken to him or heard from him since our date - two days now. I won't initiate contact but if he asks me out again then I'll agree. I think that if I text him to say 'how are you? thanks for the date, etc' I won't get a reply. But MAYBE, just maybe he took me saying I had to get up early the next day to mean I wasn't interested...
turt Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 But MAYBE, just maybe he took me saying I had to get up early the next day to mean I wasn't interested... I think it's more likely that he's not interested in you. If what you said made him think you weren't interested, you'll need to message him first.
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