czen Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 I've known this girl for about three months now, had a relationship with her for two months. I've got to know her from the internet and we've met for a couple of times already and we stayed with eachother for a couple of times every time. I myself had some rough contacts with women in the past, which caused me to become quite emotionally numb. I've been hurt a lot and never had any relationships that lasted longer than a month. So I was happy I actually had feelings for this girl. In many ways, she is exactly what I want, she is smart, ambitious, hard-working, sweet, caring and I love her humor most of the time. Her wants in life also correspond with mine. So it all seemed great. But the last time I said goodbye to her after she had come to visit me (which was a few days ago), I didn't really feel sad. I mean, I wasn't really happy, but in a way I was happy, I was relieved that I could be alone again. Also, the last few days I didn't feel that 'I'm in love feeling' I've had before, which kind of worries me. I also don't miss her as much as before. I still think about her a lot though, I worry about her and I love talking to her, which makes me feel even more confused. I don't know if I should be worried about the fact that my feelings have (temporarily) changed, or if it's just normal. Does anyone have any kind of advice on this?
cerridwen Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 (edited) Give it some more time and see how you feel in a bit. We're not such simple creatures that our feelings don't ebb and flow with life circumstances and relationship evolvement. A common problem IMO is we expect the highs of love to last when in actuality, life pressures and circumstances can bring those feelings low at times. Perhaps now is one of those times. Some will say 3 months in is too soon for feelings to wane. I say, it depends on the people involved. Avoid putting pressure on yourself to feel one way or another. Just let it be and see what transpires naturally. I sense some worry so ease up. They're just feelings after all and those come and go. Right now, they might be resting for all you know, with plans to surge once more. Edited April 2, 2012 by cerridwen 5
Author czen Posted April 2, 2012 Author Posted April 2, 2012 Yeah, you were right about me getting a bit worried. I really want this relationship to work out but, I don't want to be in a relationship where feel like I'm being 'fake' in a way, like that I'm not as into in the relationship as I should be or something like that. I had expected the 'in love' feeling to last longer, but maybe you're right and it is not permanently gone and it is just at an ebb at the moment. But I will give it some more time and not overthink the situation, nothing good can come of that. I'm still happy with her and that is wat is most important. P.S.: I really like how you post was written, it was almost a bit...poetic in a way. So good job on that too, and thanks for the good advice.
cerridwen Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 Yeah, you were right about me getting a bit worried. I really want this relationship to work out but, I don't want to be in a relationship where feel like I'm being 'fake' in a way, like that I'm not as into in the relationship as I should be or something like that. I had expected the 'in love' feeling to last longer, but maybe you're right and it is not permanently gone and it is just at an ebb at the moment. But I will give it some more time and not overthink the situation, nothing good can come of that. I'm still happy with her and that is wat is most important. P.S.: I really like how you post was written, it was almost a bit...poetic in a way. So good job on that too, and thanks for the good advice. It's my pleasure, czen. You have a great list of the things you like about her. And I sense real sincerity. Best of luck not letting past pains dictate your happiness now. C.
Joexfm Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 Going through the same exact thing. its good to know im not alone. Started dating a girl who has been frequenting her college life and I have not been able to see her a lot. My feelings started becoming differently and I felt like I was in some tug of war with my emotions. One day, Ill completely miss her and wonder what shes up to all the time. Other days, I wont miss her as much as I usually do and I would become emotionally numb to almost everything. But the last time I saw her, those old emotions came back and it was great. Im hoping that its just an ebb, because I really enjoy having her in my life and I would like for something to slowly come out of it. Maybe giving it some more time and seeing how it goes will help. Good luck with everything.
LDR Nation Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 Feeling emotionally numb can happen sometimes in a long-distance relationship. Whether you're falling out of love with your partner or not.. only you can know for sure. If you keep the communication up and visit as often as possible, that numb feeling will usually go away. On the other hand, if you have a gut feeling that something isn't quite right, or that you might need to move on, then coming to that realization and letting your partner know will be the best thing for both of you in the long run. Dating is the process of finding the right person, after all. Sometimes relationships work out, and sometimes they don't. Just remember that if you honestly feel like moving on, it will benefit both of you by allowing both of you to meet someone new. Good luck! 2
DuchessKaye Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 You are hot then your cold. You are yes then your no. I feel the same way, I like this guy so much but sometimes I prefer to be alone than be with him. Sometimes, I have the urge to visit him in the middle of the night because I miss him so bad. But sometimes, I don't miss him at all. I think you have to figure out whether you want to be enthusiastic about having a relationship with her or if you just want her to be around you only if you feel it.
FitChick Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 I think it's normal to have those feelings in any type of relationship. It's just part of getting to know another and yourself.
Author czen Posted May 1, 2012 Author Posted May 1, 2012 Feeling emotionally numb can happen sometimes in a long-distance relationship. Whether you're falling out of love with your partner or not.. only you can know for sure. If you keep the communication up and visit as often as possible, that numb feeling will usually go away. On the other hand, if you have a gut feeling that something isn't quite right, or that you might need to move on, then coming to that realization and letting your partner know will be the best thing for both of you in the long run. Dating is the process of finding the right person, after all. Sometimes relationships work out, and sometimes they don't. Just remember that if you honestly feel like moving on, it will benefit both of you by allowing both of you to meet someone new. Good luck! Yeah, this sounds quite right. It's been a while now, and I've seen her again a couple of weeks ago, and my feelings towards her are back ever since that visit. So yeah, the whole thing about it being an ebb/flow is true, it isn't always as strong, especially when you can't see each other for an extended time period. It's quite normal that it isn't always as strong...but you know in your heart when the feeling is too weak for the relationship to continue.
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