AloneinTexas Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 Quick and sweet: Im 30/m, live with a 33/f. We are platonic friends. My roommate invites me to a lecture to meet a girl she's friends with who is into daytrading as I am. After the lecture, i meet this girl. She's 31, recently divorced. She is very pretty and we talk about stocks and such for 5 minutes. There is a lot of maintained eye contact. As my roommate and i depart, the girl says we all need to hangout sometime and gives me and my roommate both hugs (though mine was more of a one-arm hug.) She also gives me her business card that has her email and phone #, saying i should email her sometime to talk stocks. a couple days go by and she ends up texting my roomate. it reads "so glad u came to the lecture. and thx for introducing me to (me), id love to chat more about stocks w him. etc etc...." my roomate replies and the girl responds back with "yes, id love to all meet for coffee, lets plan that soon!! :} my roommate replies "yeah, ill see what (me) schedule is like for next couple wks and see whats good n maybe we can meet in the middle." she replies "yea, thatd be great, i dont mind coming out there, any excuse to go to whole foods. there is a starbucks in that plaza, let me know what works for you guys." --------------------------------------------\\ so as of right now, i see some interest on her end but the fact she wants my roommate to be there too shows maybe just in a friendly way. my roommate also told her i had a gf when we first met, even though i do not. so even if the girl thinks i do, she still seems somewhat interested, and maybe even moreso since isn't it true girls want what's already taken? (not to make generalizations, but sometimes its true)
Emilia Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 What more encouragement do you need to call that girl and ask her out? She is doing all the work at the moment and she doesn't have YOUR number so she has to involve your room mate. Why did your room mate say you had a girlfriend by the way?
Author AloneinTexas Posted April 3, 2012 Author Posted April 3, 2012 Well i emailed her and this was the response: Hey! Ha!...you're email made me laugh!... Anyway, sorry for the delay in response, your roomate had sent me a text and I was so busy yesterday, I didn't have a chance to respond yet. I would love to get together. She mentioned this Wed, but I wouldn't be able to meet till Thursday. Would this Thurs work for you? Please let me know... Thoughts? my roomate can come for some of the meeting, as a buffer, but only for 45 minutes. So i dont want to make her seem like once my roomate leaves, it was an obvious "set up" so i could be alone with her...
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 (edited) Well I'm not sure why you chose the email route (shows lack of confidence to me) but anyhow that's not important now because you've gotten a reply. All systems are go man, green lights on check-lists, waiting for lift-off so what's with the pussy-footing around waiting for an omen from the heavens to part the clouds for ya? Don't even worry about the setup, how do you know that isn't what she wants and that this is working out perfectly without you having to set it up yourself? It's falling right into your lap and you're like hmmm should I go for it? She's done everything she's possibly could to show interest, I really don't get what kind of confirmation you need at this point...If she wasn't interested she wouldn't be making the effort...maybe in a long-shot she just to talk stocks, I mean c'mon? that soon? going out of her way to do that? go stand in the front of the mirror and say "you're a ridiculous man you". Take the initiative, go along with it...take a chance for crying out loud what are you worried about so much? the least that would happen is you talk about something you could totally relate to each other on...sounds horrifying! Go to the little meeting thing, talk with her...after your friend leaves, see how she responds and reacts..If she wants to stay and talk It's in the bag, deal over, be confident, relax, talk to her like a human being and let it go where it goes...then next time you call her to get together again. Your biggest concern is how soon out of a divorce she is really. Oh and another thing, you've been setup this whole time by your roommate...she probably invited the friend over to set her up with you because she thinks you're a decent guy, felt like you guys would click and hit it off, seemed like a low pressure and easy meetup between the both of you using the whole stocks thing as a basis for the conversation...and now she's talking with your friend and she's telling you guys to meet up again...you would totally lose at CLUE! Edited April 3, 2012 by Ninjainpajamas
PlumPrincess Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 Well I'm not sure why you chose the email route (shows lack of confidence to me) but anyhow that's not important now because you've gotten a reply. All systems are go man, green lights on check-lists, waiting for lift-off so what's with the pussy-footing around waiting for an omen from the heavens to part the clouds for ya? Don't even worry about the setup, how do you know that isn't what she wants and that this is working out perfectly without you having to set it up yourself? It's falling right into your lap and you're like hmmm should I go for it? She's done everything she's possibly could to show interest, I really don't get what kind of confirmation you need at this point...If she wasn't interested she wouldn't be making the effort...maybe in a long-shot she just to talk stocks, I mean c'mon? that soon? going out of her way to do that? go stand in the front of the mirror and say "you're a ridiculous man you". Take the initiative, go along with it...take a chance for crying out loud what are you worried about so much? the least that would happen is you talk about something you could totally relate to each other on...sounds horrifying! Go to the little meeting thing, talk with her...after your friend leaves, see how she responds and reacts..If she wants to stay and talk It's in the bag, deal over, be confident, relax, talk to her like a human being and let it go where it goes...then next time you call her to get together again. Your biggest concern is how soon out of a divorce she is really. Oh and another thing, you've been setup this whole time by your roommate...she probably invited the friend over to set her up with you because she thinks you're a decent guy, felt like you guys would click and hit it off, seemed like a low pressure and easy meetup between the both of you using the whole stocks thing as a basis for the conversation...and now she's talking with your friend and she's telling you guys to meet up again...you would totally lose at CLUE! Uh, and why did his roommate tell her friend that he had a girlfriend? Did anybody here who answered read that part as well?
salparadise Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 Just quit thinking and go for it man! And don't spend more than 2 minutes talking about stocks––talk about her! If questions about a gf come up don't make it any more complicated than it is. Just say you don't know where that came from but that you aren't seeing anyone currently. Sometimes great things just happen, and you have to realize there is a window of opportunity during which you can go with it, and then it closes. Especially true with women–– they expect you to take the lead when they give you the nod. Seize the day!
Author AloneinTexas Posted April 4, 2012 Author Posted April 4, 2012 thanks to the individual for the lengthy response, i was also laughing while reading your reply. as far as this girl thinks, i do have a g/f, but it doesn't seem to be stopping her much. we are just finalizing the time for Thursday. hope to have a good story come from it
Author AloneinTexas Posted April 5, 2012 Author Posted April 5, 2012 So here is an update to the "date" So my roomate was supposed to go to our date as well, but it turned out I ended up meeting with the woman at 1pm and my roomate didnt show up until 145. She only stayed 15 minutes and then left to go to a doctor. The girl of my interest knew about the fact my roomate would not be there the whole time, but she didnt seem to mind. the date: I get to coffee shop an hour early to relax and hang out. Of course all im doing is fooling myself into relaxing, cuz im just thinking about the date getting nervous. Im sitting in a comfy chair by the fire and finally she walks in. I do not notice so she says my name, and to which i was like "hey". i said we should sit at a table , so we did. We spent a good 20 minutes on stock talk before switching gears. it comes out that she is seeing someone, only since february, and they were friends first. i didnt prod any more; i assume they arent terribly serious. She is 3 years removed from divorce. We had a few awkward silences and then my roomate shows up (finally.) I immediately feel a sense of relief, as the buffer arrived. but then they talk about Yoga stuff for 10 minutes and pretty much exclude me from the convo. She then leaves to the doctor. The girl said she was getting tired so she went to get a coffee and offered me, to which i declined as i had one. (i almost made a joke about her being "tired", as i was basically boring her.) she gets back, we talk more about stocks (she brings it up) for another 15 minutes. then after awhile we bring up meaty stuff. She asks about what i do for fitness and i mention "running" and i tell her about a cross country bike trip i did. she tells me shes a free spirit too. she asks what i wanna do with my life (since she doesnt know herself) and i say "thats kinda a trick question, as i want to be financially independent outside the structure of a 9-5." she agrees and says 9-5's suck pretty much. it seems she has a thirst for adventure, not the rat race, and being physically and mentally fit (all things i value.) on paper, we agreed on life topics. i just could not gauge her level of interest. I made her laugh a bit but then there were awkward pauses. she asked me if i was on FB but i didnt know if that meant to "add" her or just asking to ask because she immediately started badmouthing it since she admitted to being more of a private person, (tho she just made an account 2 weeks ago.) around 3pm she says she has to leave so she gets up and i initiate a 1 armed hug (she had 2 full hands), because it seemed like she was about to leave without any physical action. she says "lemme know when you wanna meet up again" to which i took as a general pity invite, almost as if to say "im not really interested, im just being nice." so now im totally lost. its killing me to know what shes thinking. im trying to get my roomate to nonchalently ask her what she thought. my prediction is "he was nice/great BUT................." THOUGHTS?
sid3 Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 What is your gut feeling about her interest level? I think that is a better indicator than any of our thoughts.
Author AloneinTexas Posted April 5, 2012 Author Posted April 5, 2012 my gut is she has a level of interest that is moderate, but not enough excitement to keep her going unless from my end. the fact she brought up stocks twice suggests lack of substance for REAL conversation, and the fact she was "getting tired", and probably 5-7 awkward pauses. i just wanna know what SHES thinking so i know if i should be trying for #2, or just move on.
Author AloneinTexas Posted April 6, 2012 Author Posted April 6, 2012 update: so my roommate texted her and said "sorry that i couldnt hang out , it wouldve been fun", she responded with "will have to do it again sometime". my roommate responded to that with "yes we will for sure, what did you think of him?" she responded with "k sounds good! he seems nice...like minded." im sort of thinking her response suggests a mild level of indifference or lack of real excitement/sparks/chemistry with me. am i wrong? or is she being bashful cuz she doesn't wish to divulge her interest level yet?
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 update: so my roommate texted her and said "sorry that i couldnt hang out , it wouldve been fun", she responded with "will have to do it again sometime". my roommate responded to that with "yes we will for sure, what did you think of him?" she responded with "k sounds good! he seems nice...like minded." im sort of thinking her response suggests a mild level of indifference or lack of real excitement/sparks/chemistry with me. am i wrong? or is she being bashful cuz she doesn't wish to divulge her interest level yet? Well...I think the first meeting went better than the first. I don't think this second kind date/setup worked out too well, I don't think she left certainly knowing or feeling she was into you...plus how did you feel about her? Overall It doesn't really sound like a love connection off the bat, it seems like you guys had plenty to talk about when it came to stocks but based on general conversation and chemistry it seems to have dried up. I think she sounds pretty proactive and like she's definitely trying to see what's there. If you want to make something happen, then you really need to be assertive, give her a call and have a conversation with her, make an excuse about stocks or some crap...then transition into more of a "serious" convo or talk about life and then getting together. I think even though she's seeing someone else she's keeping her options open, that's why she's talking with you and getting to know you...your roommate setting you up nonchalantly and now here you are. She's definitely putting herself out there and giving you an opening, It's just a matter of whether she really likes you and you click well enough together. You had an opportunity to really make a difference with that private time, that's why the roommate was running behind! You need to just get your head out ya butt and figure out If you're going to either make a move or you're just going to play it clueless and think this is all some coincidence. You're over-thinking it too much and analyzing when you should be figuring out your next move If you're interested and want to make an impression before she cuts you out of the picture...If you're interested, which she seems to be or like I said she wouldn't come around. You're going to need more one and one time, at least a good conversation. So you'll have to relax and be confident, It seems like you're the kind of guy that takes some time to warm up, that's alright and pretty normal, I think you held your own and did well enough on the second date so to speak, at least not scaring her away or making a determination she wasn't interested yet. So try and bring a more confident you the next time around, let the walls down, express who you really are, you've got to take a chance, If you wait around waiting for confirmation It's going to pass you by, If you're interested you pursue, If you for some reason get shot down (which I mean this is as easy as it gets in this situation honestly, its really low risk) then that's cool, just remain friends...great thing about this is there really hasn't been any pressure because it's all been under friendly pretenses. Your roommate probably knows your demeanor and that you may be a little shy which is likely why she's doing things the way she is, and probably telling her friend that maybe you're even a shy person but a good guy once you get to know him. But If you're too passive you're going to friendzoned yourself and she'll lose interest being uninspired. Be a little less serious and just talking about work/stocks (even though I suggested it as an opener for the call), you don't have to stick to that guideline, it was only an excuse to get you two talking, not what it should be about forever from now on.
Author AloneinTexas Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 (edited) well after sending the girl of interest a reply almost 2 weeks ago, i got a reply today, it reads: Hi *****! Sorry for the delay! I just got back into town...I was in AZ for a ******* conference! It was amazing!!! I decided that I'm going to work towards making it my full time business. It's such an amazing product, company and business plan! I'd like to meet up again soon... How are things with you? How's the market treating you? thoughts? ps, she also added me on FB Edited April 17, 2012 by AloneinTexas nonne
dasein Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 She's networking you. No attraction at all IMO at this time, but she sounds like a great contact to make. I have a minor quibble with folks who use mixed signals to enlarge their networks, but just don't see her doing that here. She would have given a definite IOI to your roomie if she had any interest. In your shoes, I'd play poker. She is obviously a proactive type, so disengage entirely, don't bring her up with roomie at all, and listen very carefully for any "trouble on the home front with BF" signals from her. If you get such, assume it reached your ears for a reason, call her directly and ask her on a definite, no misinterpretation possible date. Good luck.
Author AloneinTexas Posted April 20, 2012 Author Posted April 20, 2012 i know this is annoying, but my first thoughts were her next reply reeks of "platonic". thats my gut feeling at least. and so, here's her reply after i suggested we meet up May 2: Hey there, I have a couple mins so wanted to get back to you... Yeah, May 2 should work good!... I'm still going to do yoga training, too. So, it's going to be a super busy year, but that's okay, well worth it I'm sure! I'm going to fit everything in. With *********, it's a home based business. It's direct sales/network marketing, so you can work as much or little as you want, sharing with family, friends, etc. I haven't really "worked" my business all that much till now. So, I'm super excited to get going. The conference was amazing!!! It's refreshing to be around all of the like-minded people. I love to hear about the research, see health professionals and listen to "normal" people change their lives. I'm having a wellness presentation at my home next Sunday (April 29) at 6:30pm. Would you like to come? Bring your roommate! I'll tell her about it this weekend when I see her. And, I will send you the official flyer once I get that done...hopefully later today. Glad your surgery went well and that you are healing and back to running! As for stocks, what do you think about ******?
sid3 Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 She has a BF already, why are you wasting your time. There's so many women out there its mind boggling.
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