JoeyArnold Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 Go NC ignore her completely, dont hint dont tell, ignore.DISAGREE. Explain & then ignore if you must but don't ignore before explaining.
69ways Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 DISAGREE. Explain & then ignore if you must but don't ignore before explaining. I always wonder why people write in caps.hmmmm, shows a lot..... Anyway, why explain, give the dumper the satisfaction that you care what the think? Eeee hi, its me , I am going NC on you to heal and maybe in time you realise what you lost and maybe you come back. No thanks, I will pass that ego boost to them.... NC is not about having to give explanation or anything to the dumper. Its about you, its about healing yourself and going on with your life from the traumatic experience. By explaining , especially to a person who went and got a new bf a week after break up, shows you are depended on them and that their thoughts of them for you, play a role in your life.... Now if you want to go and explain, be my guest but thats just like saying, you are still important to me so I am letting you know I am going NC... This way the dumper gets an ego boost because they know you are so affected by their actions you need to go NC Just go NC no explanations , nothing ,nada. Let them wonder as you wondered countless nights of what she was doing and who she was doing it with, let them taste their own medicine....
oldguy Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 Long and short. GF of 5 yrs. Dumps me around late Feb. Starts dating guy one week later. She is cold, we NC for two weeks. Yesterday she sees me first time in over a month. I lost 20 pounds eating right and being active. She says I look great. Then she finds out I have a date this thurs. And now she won't leave me alone asking me who, what, where. I told her I don't want to hear about your dude and you have no right to ask about my life, you dumped me. Then she calls tonight says she doesn't have connection with other guy and misses things and misses our connection. Tells me to have a bad date jokingly, so the other girl doesn't like me. I tell her your boyfriend wouldn't like this conversation and let her go. This girl wouldn't say boo, now she finds out I have a date and crumbles and starts opening up like mad. Anybody no what's up? Or is she wanting her cake and eating it to? My guess would be the other guy was there, THEN she dumped you but thought you where an easy fall back. Basically you're getting over her but she never had to get over you because of the other guy so my guess is, now she's has to deal with the break up. No kids, no mortgage, no commitment, forget her and move on towards something better & brighter.
JoeyArnold Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 Its about you, its about healing yourself. We all have a choice to give people what they deserve or to give them grace, mercy, forgiveness, patience, explanation, help, assistance, love, kindness, open arms, a teachable spirit, life, joy, hope, human compassion, opportunity: especially because we will never know when we may find ourselves on the opposite side of things just begging for what we don't deserve, for some mercy during those certain dark times in our lives.
wilsonx Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 My whole question is, if she has a guy and didn't want to talk, why is she now freaking out about this girl? LOL she's not freaking out about the new girl, she's being friendly/funny. There's no jealousy,no back burner in this, she's expressing her feelings. She has gigs
oldguy Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 LOL she's not freaking out about the new girl, she's being friendly/funny. There's no jealousy,no back burner in this, she's expressing her feelings. She has gigs "When the grass seems greener on the other side it's usually just an indication you need to fertilize your own lawn"! oldguy-ism.
69ways Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 We all have a choice to give people what they deserve or to give them grace, mercy, forgiveness, patience, explanation, help, assistance, love, kindness, open arms, a teachable spirit, life, joy, hope, human compassion, opportunity: especially because we will never know when we may find ourselves on the opposite side of things just begging for what we don't deserve, for some mercy during those certain dark times in our lives. Yes, I agree forgive and forget them but dont be a sadomasochist and make life difficult for you by kipping contact with your ex Is just like keeping contact with your kidnapper...no thanks.... NC is a strong tool in the hands of the keeper, use it wisely and your healing will be fast.... Not all cases should be treated with NC but on this is one I would use it...especially now that she is freaking out..... Show dont tell..........see NC rules.......
fucpcg Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 So I got a question for you, why couldn't you drop 20 lbs for your girlfriend?
JoeyArnold Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 Yes, I agree forgive and forget them... NC. It's less about remaining in contact & more about a proper farewell ritual.
69ways Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 It's less about remaining in contact & more about a proper farewell ritual. A ritual......ok I give up......next thing will be a good bye get together party........
Author Me...IamMe Posted April 3, 2012 Author Posted April 3, 2012 So I got a question for you, why couldn't you drop 20 lbs for your girlfriend?[/Q. I was diagnosed with clinical depression. I wouldn't go get the help I needed. I had lost my job and laid around. With the supplements I have been taking thru a nutrionist and a diet no longer consisting of 2000 calories a day in candy and soda, I shed the pounds easy. Believe me, it wasn't about not wanting to do it for her. When you are severely depressed as in my case I didn't feel real. The world was non-exsistant, friends, family, the women who loved me all were pushed away. I didn't want help, but realized being a man is also being able to ask for help. I pulled myself out of my hole and am feeling good. My family is there, my friends are there, there is just a whole left where she was. In time it will fill. I hope it is with her, but that would take forgiveness on both parts. If it is not her I know it will be filled by someone.
Author Me...IamMe Posted April 3, 2012 Author Posted April 3, 2012 LOL she's not freaking out about the new girl, she's being friendly/funny. There's no jealousy,no back burner in this, she's expressing her feelings. She has gigs She definitely freaked out, she said she doesn't deserve to be with the happy me,because she never had to deal with the miserable me. I am the one who pushed her away, not on purpose. She also expressed she hopes the date doesn't go well in a lot of ways, but then laughed that laugh she does and said sorry, I just never thought you would go out with someone. She is freaking out, but trying to be stronger about it.
fucpcg Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 I read this quote somewhere along my journey to recovering from being dumped by my ex: Be 100% responsible for 50% of the breakup. Sounds like you had some issues (don't we all, I'll be glad to admit I sure do) that could have been affecting how you interacted with her. And I also feel strongly about wanting to stay healthy, vibrant, sexually appealing in any relationship, at any age, even if with someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. That is why I questioned what I did. I don't think you've shared nearly enough information to have a good idea of what is up here, but the person that can best answer that is you, and make sure you examine you as closely as you do her after this breakup.
JoeyArnold Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 Don't just merely only completely blame it or blame things on upon just only clinical depression.
Sugarkane Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 I mean others also go through bouts of depression too. Depression gets called the common cold of mental illnesses coz it's so common. Yet alot of other people don't get dumped for it either. I am thinking why didn't she encourage you to seek help and stick by you?
Meg717 Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 I'd say it's bc she doesn't want to be with you but she doesn't want anyone else to be with you either. orrrrrr.. Maybe she'd prefer you stayed single that way when she can't find anything better, she knows you'll be available.
Chi townD Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 She thought that you would be waiting on the sidelines for her while she played the field. She found out that she was wrong. She pulled on the leash and discovered that the dog wasn't there and so went looking and found out that he was moving on. She thought that once she figured out that her current guy isn't the guy for her and she got bored, she could come running back to your waiting arms and you can't get mad about the OM! We weren't together!! Truth is, she was probably cheating on you. No girl jumps out of a relationship that has lasted years and into another relationship just days after without something being there to begin with. It was either a EA or PA or both. She discovered that your life is getting better and better and she isn't a part of it.
Eddie Edirol Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 She thought that you would be waiting on the sidelines for her while she played the field. She found out that she was wrong. She pulled on the leash and discovered that the dog wasn't there and so went looking and found out that he was moving on. She thought that once she figured out that her current guy isn't the guy for her and she got bored, she could come running back to your waiting arms and you can't get mad about the OM! We weren't together!! Truth is, she was probably cheating on you. No girl jumps out of a relationship that has lasted years and into another relationship just days after without something being there to begin with. It was either a EA or PA or both. She discovered that your life is getting better and better and she isn't a part of it. Thats it right there. She couldnt be with you when you were down, she gave up on you, which is fine if she couldnt cope, but dont go back to someone who wouldnt help you out of the rut and probably cheated on you. Dont let her be the fairweather gf. You improved yourself, you will continue to improve yourself. She sees that the world is now your oyster and now wants to jump on the bandwagon, because shes not strong enough to do it herself. She also doesnt like that you look like youre improving without her and moving on. Stay away from her. If she lost it for you then, she most likely wont be into you 100% ever again. She just wants what she cant have. You keep building up in the gym, eating healthy, and you will find another woman who will be hotter, and better than her.
JoeyArnold Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 She may change but then again it may be safer to assume that she isn't the girl for you.
darkmoon Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 I would give her a second chance or I would at least be her friend to the end. not if a new girlfriend objects in fact she might just tell him to go screw her while he's at at and find someone new who is actually loyal
JoeyArnold Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 not if a new girlfriend objects in fact she might just tell him to go screw her while he's at at and find someone new who is actually loyal It is less about cheating, affairs, & more about friendships, communication, networking, sacrifice, being there for people, even for former lovers or enemies or jerks.
darkmoon Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 It is less about cheating, affairs, & more about friendships, communication, networking, sacrifice, being there for people, even for former lovers or enemies or jerks. why does all that have to attach itself to her particularly? why not move on?
JoeyArnold Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 why does all that have to attach itself to her particularly? why not move on? A person can move on without putting a restraining order on the ex.
darkmoon Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 (edited) A person can move on without putting a restraining order on the ex. that resopnse would make me dump you or ask you to make a choice between the two women, it ignores the questions cuz it lacks a straight answer and is sarcastic which is another red flag Edited April 4, 2012 by darkmoon
JoeyArnold Posted April 4, 2012 Posted April 4, 2012 that response would make me dump you or ask you to make a choice between the two women, it ignores the questions cuz it lacks a straight answer and is sarcastic which is another red flag It is less about choosing one girl over another & more about priorities. When a person moves on they filter & shift their priorities & focus onwards towards the next person. A former lover becomes an acquaintance instead of a total enemy. If I break up with a girl then I will move on. I won't hang out with that girl anymore. I won't talk to her on the phone either. But that doesn't mean I can't pray for her. Maybe if my ex really needs help then I might listen just enough to understand the problem so that I can refer her to other people that can help her because I can't really get involve with former lovers as much anymore.
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