Me...IamMe Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 Long and short. GF of 5 yrs. Dumps me around late Feb. Starts dating guy one week later. She is cold, we NC for two weeks. Yesterday she sees me first time in over a month. I lost 20 pounds eating right and being active. She says I look great. Then she finds out I have a date this thurs. And now she won't leave me alone asking me who, what, where. I told her I don't want to hear about your dude and you have no right to ask about my life, you dumped me. Then she calls tonight says she doesn't have connection with other guy and misses things and misses our connection. Tells me to have a bad date jokingly, so the other girl doesn't like me. I tell her your boyfriend wouldn't like this conversation and let her go. This girl wouldn't say boo, now she finds out I have a date and crumbles and starts opening up like mad. Anybody no what's up? Or is she wanting her cake and eating it to?
JoeyArnold Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 She won't leave me alone. I would give her a second chance or I would at least be her friend to the end.
Exit Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 Stupid mind games that you'd be better off just putting an end to. The only thing you need to concern yourself with reacting to is if/when the day ever comes that she fully admits she made the wrong choice, hates thinking about you with anyone else, realizes she doesn't belong with this other guy, and hopes you'll decide to work things out with her. She's miles away from saying any of that right now, just stupid petty jealousy and kidding around about the situation. What are you gonna do, cancel your date just to find out she wasn't really serious about anything she said? I hope you have a GOOD date with the new chick and I hope this ex leaves you alone. 6
Author Me...IamMe Posted April 2, 2012 Author Posted April 2, 2012 Exit, I couldn't agree with you more. Thanks 1
JoeyArnold Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 If she admits she made the wrong choice.I would at least confront her: beg her to explain why she dumped you originally. Either you can be her friend or you can try to learn from her: learn from your past: maybe you want to avoid girls like your ex from now on.
JoeyArnold Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 Exit, I couldn't agree with you more. Thanks Do you blame the breakup on her?
Author Me...IamMe Posted April 2, 2012 Author Posted April 2, 2012 I had my part in the break, but really have done the soul searching and really understand what I was doing wrong. Now I m doing great and all my friends and family can see it. Now she's starting to see it. But so are other women. I love the girl, but she is with a dude.
JoeyArnold Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 I had my part in the break. Repent to her face to face. Tell her what you did wrong. Confront what she did wrong. Give her a chance to come back. If she really cares then she would dump the other guy & apologize: she should beg you for a second chance: of course you don't have to give her one since she doesn't deserve it but I would.
Poovey Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 My advice to you - keep on trucking to that destination called 'You're better off without her'. Well done on the soul searching and realizing what you were doing wrong. It's obvious that you've improved and she hasn't. I'm sorry but jumping from one relationship into another just shows weakness. It's obvious that you've grown into something better and she hasn't. Why take the risk of everything repeating itself again? Keep your chin up and good luck! 3
JoeyArnold Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 Jumping from one relationship into another just shows weakness. The guy & the girl both moved on: so, is that a sign of weakness on both sides, both ends?
Poovey Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 The guy & the girl both moved on: so, is that a sign of weakness on both sides, both ends? No. What I was referring to was the girl moving into a new relationship within a week of the break-up. I just see weakness there. I should have clarified that, my apology. I don't want to sound like I have a cold heart or that I'm bitter from my past experiences. Trust me, I'm the Queen of Second Chances lol. I've just found that most people that jump from one relationship and quickly into another one are doing it for the wrong reasons. 1
JoeyArnold Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 I've just found that most people that jump from one relationship and quickly into another one are doing it for the wrong reasons.I was just saying that both parties did similar things. I know you were only talking about the girl but I wanted to compare what she is doing with what the guy is doing.
CopingGal Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 You went out with one woman for 5 years. That is a very long time. It's been a month since you have seen this woman and now you are dating again. Are you rushing things? Hmmm, sounds like you may have some loose ends to tie up with this ex. The books recommend staying out of relationships for at least a year if you dated someone for 2 years or more.
Author Me...IamMe Posted April 2, 2012 Author Posted April 2, 2012 I'm the guy. Here is the deal. I didn't want to date anyone. I have been working on my own stuff. I already told her I'm sorry for my end. She tells me to move on like she is on some power trip. My buddies wife has a friend that they kinda threw us together. Happened kinda quick. But I am not in a relationship. Haven't even gone out yet.
Author Me...IamMe Posted April 2, 2012 Author Posted April 2, 2012 My whole question is, if she has a guy and didn't want to talk, why is she now freaking out about this girl?
JoeyArnold Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 My whole question is, if she has a guy and didn't want to talk, why is she now freaking out about this girl? She realizes she made a mistake but is too stubborn to admit that.
gotye Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 She realizes she made a mistake but is too stubborn to admit that. no, she;s just plain jealous
Poovey Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 My whole question is, if she has a guy and didn't want to talk, why is she now freaking out about this girl?[/quote Who truly knows why and you may never know why. Others have mentioned jealousy, her realization she made a mistake...all completely valid. I could give you 101 reasons why, but is it truly going to help you sleep at night? Doubtful. Here's what I'm going to ask you - Are you considering taking her back and giving the relationship a second chance? Then talk to her and ask her why. Keep this in mind...since the break-up, you've moved forward. You said you soul-searched and came to understand things. You've progressed. Maybe you've progressed into what needed to work for the relationship. Well done! Now, let's look at her...you said within a week of the break-up she was already in a relationship with someone else. I think it's pretty safe to assume that she probably had issues of her own that affected your relationship. Hey, nobody is perfect. Do you REALLY think she's worked on her issues? I don't. Who knows how serious this new relationship of hers is. If she has her own issues, and she probably does, then she more than likely hasn't had the time to address her own problems because she immediately jumped into another relationship. Goodness, I'm sorta looking at her (yes, I'm fully aware I do not know her and sorry if I'm sounding judgmental) but she obviously needs some sort validation and that's why she jumped from your relationship and into another. So, if you're looking to get back with her, do you really think it's worth it. I mean, if you've made self-improvements and she hasn't...are you ready to invest and take the risk of her never improving on herself to move forward with your possible rekindled relationship? It's your decision to make. You can praise, support, and give it your all for the other person but they have to be ones to make that change for themselves. It takes time and do you have the patience for that? Good luck
JoeyArnold Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 If you don't give her a second chance then you will never ever really totally know if she improved upon herself or not & that will be your lost.
dsw31 Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 (edited) My whole question is, if she has a guy and didn't want to talk, why is she now freaking out about this girl? She is freaking out about this new girl because she thought you'd be waiting around for her to get over her GIGS.You are doing excellent! Keep up the good work & don't look back.If you guys are meant to be together,she needs to do a lot more than have a jealous freak out. Edited April 3, 2012 by dsw31 2
fallenenvy Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 I want to go with jealousy.. or at least something like it. It's one of those.. although she doesn't want to be with you.. she really doesn't want someone else to be either. I'm not sure it's a feeling that can be accurately described or rationalized. When my ex and i broke up and i ended up with someone else.. it bothered me when he started seeing someone else. I never fully understood why but i did the sensible thing and realized the feeling, and then stuffed it away. It's been over 2 years now and i no longer feel like that when he goes on a date.. only happy for him and wish him success. I'm assuming she's feeling the same way. I've also found that when a breakup happens.. it's almost always for a reason. Time and separation make you forget about that and idealize the relationship in your mind. More often than not, if you give it another try, things resurface and you end up remembering all too well what caused the split... SO.. my conclusion is she is feeling a tad bit jealous over another woman and starting to question the break up. Does that mean you should give her another shot if she wants one? IDK.. im not usually a fan of second chances for the reasons stated above.
Author Me...IamMe Posted April 3, 2012 Author Posted April 3, 2012 I'm telling you she called today. Told me she missed me and loved me for the first time in about 2 months. But did not, I repeat did not say she wanted to get back together. Actually admitted in her fantasy world she thought I would take awhile to figure out my issues and then in six months to a year I would show up and she would want me again. She didn't account for my OCD. In which I read seven pshycology and interpersonal relationship books, studied faith guidelines, spoke to a counselor, had multiple discussions with wiser people than myself, got on supplements for my lack of seratonin and energy. Realized in all of it I was a 35 year old kid that just needed to grow up. I finall yfeel the monkey off my back and the skies the limit. My close mates of many years all know I finally woke up and can see it. Now I've got three buddies motivated to clean house on their own personal demons. I feel possesed with a zest for life except, I truly in my heart feel like she's my wife. BUT SHE'S WITH A DUDE. So I'm not going to let her control my emotions. That is the true test in all of this. I believe with out a test there is no testimony. I hope she wakes up before its to late. But god only knows. She definitely poured her heart today but also admitted she is scared this maybe a fad. I am telling all of you. If you put your heart and mind into anything full force, you can and actually it is impossible not to change. I've seen miracles in other people, I just didn't know I could be one. Now is where she will have to believe it or not. That was a bit long, but I'm pumped. 2
JoeyArnold Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 In which I read seven pshycology and interpersonal relationship books, studied faith guidelines, spoke to a counselor, had multiple discussions with wiser people than myself, got on supplements for my lack of serotonin and energy. Realized in all of it I was a 35 year old kid that just needed to grow up. Good work. You do deserve better.
69ways Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 Long and short. GF of 5 yrs. Dumps me around late Feb. Starts dating guy one week later. She is cold, we NC for two weeks. Yesterday she sees me first time in over a month. I lost 20 pounds eating right and being active. She says I look great. Then she finds out I have a date this thurs. And now she won't leave me alone asking me who, what, where. I told her I don't want to hear about your dude and you have no right to ask about my life, you dumped me. Then she calls tonight says she doesn't have connection with other guy and misses things and misses our connection. Tells me to have a bad date jokingly, so the other girl doesn't like me. I tell her your boyfriend wouldn't like this conversation and let her go. This girl wouldn't say boo, now she finds out I have a date and crumbles and starts opening up like mad. Anybody no what's up? Or is she wanting her cake and eating it to? She obviously getting a reality strike, she can date and its ok but miscalculated how she would feel if you dated. Go NC ignore her completely, dont hint dont tell, ignore...... The worst thing you can do to them is go forth in life and you are doing just that..... Start going to the gym and if you started eating right, which is 70% of having a good body, you will look even better and boost your self confidence.... Dont feel guilt, never do, she left you, she dated a week later, so you can do whatever you like with your life now. She just aint worth it, too much ego, way too much to even consider to be with her......
69ways Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 I'm telling you she called today. Told me she missed me and loved me for the first time in about 2 months. But did not, I repeat did not say she wanted to get back together. Actually admitted in her fantasy world she thought I would take awhile to figure out my issues and then in six months to a year I would show up and she would want me again. She didn't account for my OCD. In which I read seven pshycology and interpersonal relationship books, studied faith guidelines, spoke to a counselor, had multiple discussions with wiser people than myself, got on supplements for my lack of seratonin and energy. Realized in all of it I was a 35 year old kid that just needed to grow up. I finall yfeel the monkey off my back and the skies the limit. My close mates of many years all know I finally woke up and can see it. Now I've got three buddies motivated to clean house on their own personal demons. I feel possesed with a zest for life except, I truly in my heart feel like she's my wife. BUT SHE'S WITH A DUDE. So I'm not going to let her control my emotions. That is the true test in all of this. I believe with out a test there is no testimony. I hope she wakes up before its to late. But god only knows. She definitely poured her heart today but also admitted she is scared this maybe a fad. I am telling all of you. If you put your heart and mind into anything full force, you can and actually it is impossible not to change. I've seen miracles in other people, I just didn't know I could be one. Now is where she will have to believe it or not. That was a bit long, but I'm pumped. Dont take her back make her work for it but if i was you , would be really careful, she will leave you again unless you two sort out the reason she left. Excuse me but why did she not thought of this when she was polishing the other blokes d...? I personally would told her to jump off a cliff with a weight around her neck..... but heh, thats just me.... 1
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