Magellan Posted June 15, 2004 Posted June 15, 2004 my bo broke up w/ me about 1mo ago after living together for 6mos and i can't get it together. i have gone to the dr and gotten anti-depressants and they seem to be doing no good. i still cry all of the time. i have been missing work and feel so unattached to everything and everyone. i try to go out w/ friends and family but i just end up leaving b/c i need to go cry somewhere. i got together w/ my ex about 10 days after we broke up to talk. he told me that he still loves me but doesn't want a relationship with anyone ever again. he likes to be on his own. things got bad after that 1st meeting b/c we still continued to keep in contact. i would write him little notes and put them in his mailbox and he would call me to talk. one time he will tell me we have to work things out but it is going to take some time and then the next time i see him he treats me like this little girl who is just begging to come back and he doesn't want anything to do with me. then when he treats me badly, he will call me the next day to try to smooth things over. i feel like a yo-yo. i know this man still cares about me and i don't understand why he keeps pushing me away. i think is afraid that if the relationship goes deeper he will loose his individuality so he keeps pushing me away and then pulling me back. i love him so much i kept letting it continue for weeks. then finally this weekend i saw him at the bar and we ended up having a drunken talk with wound up in him treating me like crap again. he called me the next day at 7am to try to do his smoothing over and i just told him i didn't want to talk and he got mad and hung up. he called back later that day and left me a message stating that he knew i didn't want to hear from him and ended by saying: "i guess i'll talk to you in a few years." then he called back later that night and as soon as i picked up the phone and knew it was him i hung up. I called and left a message for him the following day b/c i was feeling quilty for hanging up. i let him know that this wacko relationship we have been having is effecting my family, friends, work, and life in general very negativly and i cannot continue to speak with him, but i do love him and always will. now that i have left that message i feel reqret. i just want to talk to him again but i know that i will just be in the same place i was before- feeling like a yo-yo. what do i do? help
clia Posted June 16, 2004 Posted June 16, 2004 i feel like a yo-yo. Stop writing him notes and answering his calls. You are allowing yourself to be treated this way. You deserve better than this -- stop accepting his crappy behavior toward you. i know this man still cares about me and i don't understand why he keeps pushing me away. Answer: he told me that he still loves me but doesn't want a relationship with anyone ever again. he likes to be on his own.
ViewFromAbove Posted June 16, 2004 Posted June 16, 2004 This is real heavy Cassablanca stuff! Don't be so hard on yourself, ok. Clearly this is his problem. I so understand how you're feeling. There are two things you need to do: (1) Listen to his words and believe in what he is saying. If he says he doesn't want to be in a relationship ever, he probably meant it. If you ignore this caution, you will find yourself fighting a loosing battle and at the end of the day, you will be the casualty in all this. Do not ignore his warning! (2) While you cannot control his action, you can however control yours. Unless you were deprived of real love, you know that if the one you love cannot be there for you then he will never be there for you in the end. Just knowing this should help you to realize that the only choice you have is to let go. Therefore, you must without question cut your losses and lick your wounds. Nurse yourself back to good health. It will take a long time but it will happen whether you want to or not. I'm really sorry to hear of your predicament...but a guy will take you for granted even if he loves you if you let him. Don't lose sight of what it is that you want from him and don't settle for anything less. Do the best you can. If it means interacting with him even though he hurts you, then as long as you can handle it stay but if you can no longer handle it...get out with all your faculties in tact! Don't be afraid to let this fish go.
AlleyBaba Posted June 17, 2004 Posted June 17, 2004 First, I would like to express my empathy for you. I have been in a similar situation for almost a year now, and I know that it can be very difficult. I think you should ask yourself if you have gone through the 'grieving' process of accepting that this guy will never be the one you wish/hope he would be. In order to heal, you need to do this. It is damn hard, but necessary. This will allow you to get yourself in control and in turn will make you better prepared to deal with those phone calls. Bottom line: take some time to heal yourself, take care of you - do things that make you feel good about yourself, whether it's exercising, gardening, reading...whatever. I recommend at least 30 days...He'll call, they always do, BUT you have to ignore him for a while. If you NEED to answer his call just don't get into anything, tell him you need some time to yourself. I highly recommend reading the book "The Road Less Travelled", by M. Scott Peck. Hang in there and take care of yourself - it'll get better!!!
Recommended Posts