SilverBlueAndGold Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 WTF? Who does that and then shows their current partner? A very troubled person that needs help.
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 A very troubled person that needs help. Exactly. I sat there thinking "what on earth am I doing here; he and I should be out together having fun and he is showing me all these numerous pictures of all their years together". I felt awful that day. He told me once he sought counseling after the divorce, but stopped going. Told me another time, after a bout of abuse to me "My head is all screwed up; In some ways I am still healing". When we got together, he insisted his ex wife was the past---I wondered because he talked about her ALL the freaking time. Anddddddd......anything he said she did that he hated, HE did to me, particularly texting while out with me, keeping phone on the table and glancing at it or keeping it in hand instead of holding mine. Creepy. Which is why i kept finding myself wondering if he is regaling the new girl with stories of his ex wife, also.
nature Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 Exactly. I sat there thinking "what on earth am I doing here; he and I should be out together having fun and he is showing me all these numerous pictures of all their years together". I felt awful that day. He told me once he sought counseling after the divorce, but stopped going. Told me another time, after a bout of abuse to me "My head is all screwed up; In some ways I am still healing". When we got together, he insisted his ex wife was the past---I wondered because he talked about her ALL the freaking time. Bewitched, you talk about your ex a lot in all of your posts on LS, and all I can ever wonder is why you stayed with him so long, and why now, even a year and a half later you can see how horrible he was and describe how horrible he was, yet you stayed, and in some way are still staying by being stuck. I hope you have learned a great deal from that relationship with him. If a person talks about their ex all the time, and keeps a tribute trunk to them, it's probably time to walk out the door, not stick around so that it messes you up for years after. Regardless of whether he insisted his ex was the past or not, his actions showed you she wasn't, and maybe in some ways you are a tad angry at yourself for having stuck around when it was clear he wasn't over her? All the red flags were waving at full mast. Listen to your gut next tikme and chalk this up to a past learning experience for yourself!!! Hugs 1
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 Exactly. I sat there thinking "what on earth am I doing here; he and I should be out together having fun and he is showing me all these numerous pictures of all their years together". I felt awful that day. He told me once he sought counseling after the divorce, but stopped going. Told me another time, after a bout of abuse to me "My head is all screwed up; In some ways I am still healing". When we got together, he insisted his ex wife was the past---I wondered because he talked about her ALL the freaking time. Bewitched, you talk about your ex a lot in all of your posts on LS, and all I can ever wonder is why you stayed with him so long, and why now, even a year and a half later you can see how horrible he was and describe how horrible he was, yet you stayed, and in some way are still staying by being stuck. I hope you have learned a great deal from that relationship with him. If a person talks about their ex all the time, and keeps a tribute trunk to them, it's probably time to walk out the door, not stick around so that it messes you up for years after. Regardless of whether he insisted his ex was the past or not, his actions showed you she wasn't, and maybe in some ways you are a tad angry at yourself for having stuck around when it was clear he wasn't over her? All the red flags were waving at full mast. Listen to your gut next tikme and chalk this up to a past learning experience for yourself!!! Hugs Oh absolutely; I learned a lot from this experience. I thought he would change; foolish as that sounds, but I drifted further and further away from him.He would use charm to reel me back in, but after awhile, it just didn't feel right. His actions were all about that ex wife; now I know about those red flags. I was angry at myself for the longest time and only recently have decided to let go of that. My heart isn't heavy anymore. Sure, I talk about the situation in relation to posts on here and boy, has it helped me and I pray that somehow, someway, it helps others as well. and then I read over my stuff and really start thinking I must have been drunk the entire duration of that debacle, LOL!!!!! I no longer wake up with him on my mind---liberating. But. as you said, I was angry at myself and very ashamed that I fell for it all and stayed; gave him chances. And he's not even remotely good looking. and he was a lousy lay--had to add that in, LOL!!!! I had gut feelings about his behavior in the beginning and would mention it to him and he would get all offended===once he even blocked me. I felt bad for upsetting him and dropped the subject. Egads. This definitely was a learning experience for me in a huge way. I reached a point where I am thankful he freed me; I am free; I no longer am caught up in his web and it is liberating and quite cleansing.
nature Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 Oh absolutely; I learned a lot from this experience. I thought he would change; foolish as that sounds, but I drifted further and further away from him.He would use charm to reel me back in, but after awhile, it just didn't feel right. His actions were all about that ex wife; now I know about those red flags. I was angry at myself for the longest time and only recently have decided to let go of that. My heart isn't heavy anymore. Sure, I talk about the situation in relation to posts on here and boy, has it helped me and I pray that somehow, someway, it helps others as well. I am so glad to hear you have forgiven yourself and are healing. I totally know what you went thru, and i think alot of us have been there. Looking past the red flags waving in our faces, listening to their words, even tho their actions are clearly showing us they were not into us in the way we deserved. I remember once hearing that "intuition and gut instincts" are the strongest tools we have, and I truly believe that now. The most obstinate a person is in regards to us questioning their behaviour, usually always means that what we are saying is correct. Alot of people don't like facing their own problems and behaviours, so blame it on the other person by acting angry at us for questioning it. Getting to the place where you are strong enough to listen to yourself and know that what you are feeling is correct, regardless of how much they dispute it, is very important. It has taken me a long time to get to this point after healing from my own hurtful breakup. I'm so happy to hear you can find humour in it now and realize that your ex had huge issues. You just got caught up in them and were his bandaid to help him thru his hurt over his ex. Glad you see you deserve better. Hugs! 1
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 Oh absolutely; I learned a lot from this experience. I thought he would change; foolish as that sounds, but I drifted further and further away from him.He would use charm to reel me back in, but after awhile, it just didn't feel right. His actions were all about that ex wife; now I know about those red flags. I was angry at myself for the longest time and only recently have decided to let go of that. My heart isn't heavy anymore. Sure, I talk about the situation in relation to posts on here and boy, has it helped me and I pray that somehow, someway, it helps others as well. I am so glad to hear you have forgiven yourself and are healing. I totally know what you went thru, and i think alot of us have been there. Looking past the red flags waving in our faces, listening to their words, even tho their actions are clearly showing us they were not into us in the way we deserved. I remember once hearing that "intuition and gut instincts" are the strongest tools we have, and I truly believe that now. The most obstinate a person is in regards to us questioning their behaviour, usually always means that what we are saying is correct. Alot of people don't like facing their own problems and behaviours, so blame it on the other person by acting angry at us for questioning it. Getting to the place where you are strong enough to listen to yourself and know that what you are feeling is correct, regardless of how much they dispute it, is very important. It has taken me a long time to get to this point after healing from my own hurtful breakup. I'm so happy to hear you can find humour in it now and realize that your ex had huge issues. You just got caught up in them and were his bandaid to help him thru his hurt over his ex. Glad you see you deserve better. Hugs! Thank you always for your insight:) I was in such a dark place. Funny thing..I was repeatedly warned about this guy. He had a way of turing the tables and said it was them causing trouble. Since he never really healed from the ex--not while I was with him===his way was to keep trying to date people because he didn't' want to eat alone. That was his thing, too. His new g/f can be the new bandaid. I never ever thought I would get to a point where I can laugh about it and it sure does feel good. what you said hit home===He never wanted to face his own stuff===I was to blame for all he had done to me; somehow I caused it and I believed it. Try healing from that stuff alone. But..I got through it. Forgiving oneself is of the utmost. I am so glad you are also in a much better place.
LogicallyIllogical Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 I went to her page, and was pretty hurt to find that she has deleted every photo of me, or us in every album she has. She still left a lot of the content up, like us in New York, but now if you were too look at the album, it would appear as a solo trip, like I never existed. Well, I can definitely relate to your situation. My ex of 4 years dumped me almost two months ago. I defriended her from Facebook and she blocked me about a week later. I wasn't sure if I was blocked or if she de-activated her account, so I had a mutual friend check. Sure enough, she had blocked me. As if blocking wasn't enough, she went through and deleted all pictures of "us". Much like you, I was hurt at first, but it doesn't bother me much now. She's obviously trying to sever her ties to me, which is fine, because I'm doing the same. We haven't spoken since the breakup and I don't expect to speak with her unless she initiates contact or until I hit the point of indifference. It's strange that something so superficial as Facebook can slap us with the finality of it really being over. Anyway, my opinion is that you should de-friend or block her. I'm glad that my ex blocked me after I defriended her. It really is a case of "out of sight, out of mind." Like you said, you're not ready to be friends right now. You guys can reconnect at some point down the road, or for all you know, you'll meet someone new and will no longer desire to touch base with your ex again. Whatever will be, will be. 1
Author rhymes Posted April 6, 2012 Author Posted April 6, 2012 OMG rise above freaking Facebook and either go off it for awhile or remove your ex. Seriously. You are torturing yourself and holding onto her thru something like Facebook is only damaging. If she wants you, she will come find you. In the meantime, get the hell off Facebook and focus on YOU. Seriously. I removed all of my ex's friends a few days after we broke up. (my ex wasn't on FB but having his friends on was bad enuff). Yes, some of them were pissed I removed them, but I figured, if they are that immature that they can't understand how I don't want to be tortured thru a social media site like FB, then I don't need them in my life. You need to face the fact that this relationship is done. I'm sorry that hurts. But she broke up with you, then you tried again, then she ran away again. it is done and you need to heal. Staying in the background connected to her will do nothing for you, or for the possibility of a rekindling of your relationship. Be a man, have pride and remove her and hold your head high with dignity so that you can heal and won't be treated like a doormat to walk in and out on again. Hugs. Thanks for this and to LogicallyIllogical. I'm at home for a week with family, taking a vacation and getting out of town to switch up my regular routine. I'm hoping that after a good week and talks with family I'll be ready to "defriend" and start moving on. I just hate the constant battle, of up and down, left and right. I hardly feel the same for more than a few hours, at times, I think I'll have the strength to hold strong and go NC and forget about her, and other times I can't stop reminiscing and holding out hope - it's crazy how much we change after a breakup like this. I've never had to deal with these emotions or feelings, only ever been the dumper in one long term relationship, never the dumpee. At the end of the day, the logical part of me knows what's right, but the emotional part of me just can't execute and step up to the plate. It may get easier as I start to put distance between her and I, but the finality of all it just kills me - it's tough to snuff out that final glimmer of hope. I'll eventually do what's right, keep me head high and take the plunge, I'm just fighting a battle within myself and it's taking it's toll. Thanks for the advice all, always much appreciated to get insight into our unique situations.
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