I dislike social media...

[rhymes]

Ahh the virtual world of Facebook. I've actually been doing pretty well these past few weeks on NC, just reconnecting with old friends, hitting the golf range, but there's also been some down time, as I can't always stay busy.

 

Ex broke up with me in November after 5 years, we had goods and bads like every couple, but in the end she just didn't see herself excited to walk down the aisle with me and couldn't commit to forever.

 

We reconnected in January and February, and were spending good quality time together, until she got scared again and pulled the chute about three weeks ago.

 

That being said, after having my heart initially crushed in November, it was a little easier on the second go - it was more of a calm discussion, and we didn't really close the chapter, just left at it, we'll talk again some day, but for now move on, it's over between us.

 

We didn't leave on a bad note, even though I'm extremely heartbroken, our families and friends got along great, there was a lot of shared history, friendships, etc...

 

Needless to say, we are still friends on Facebook, and probably share some 50 mutual friends. I went on today and glanced at her page because she had updated her photo and it appeared in my feed. I went to her page, and was pretty hurt to find that she has deleted every photo of me, or us in every album she has. She still left a lot of the content up, like us in New York, but now if you were too look at the album, it would appear as a solo trip, like I never existed.

 

I guess I felt as long as photo's of us were up, we still had a chance, that she still appeared to be in a committed relationship to any new friends, or men on her Facebook - to just be up and deleted like you never existed or meant anything feels terrible. I know it's social media, and I'm not so juvenile that my life revolves around what is and isn't on Facebook, but lately her FB activity has gone up as she strives to fill downtime and put on a strong front.

 

I know lots of people recommend not being friends on FB, out of sight, out of mind - but on the other end, I feel like once I delete her, I'll never again have that insight or snap shot into her life, for good or for bad.

 

There's something so final about serving all ties and putting them out of your life for good. Neither of us hate each other and I'm sure at some point we'll be able to be friends, but I'm not sure where to go from here ?

 

I want to be friends, I'm just not sure I can at this time, although I don't like the alternative much either. Just a tough situation where this is still some mutual respect and friendship left.

 

Thanks for reading or any thoughts...

[blindesided]

I know how you feel when it ends but not on a bad note. My ex was a great guy we were just in two different places in our life. Sometimes that makes it even worse & harder to get over. As far as my siutation - I am thankful he didnt have facebook. How would you feel if you saw her put up a pic of her & a new guy? I think for me - out of sight - out of mind. At least then I can trick my mind into believing he is miserable & missing me. If I saw concrete proof of his moving on - I would be devastated.

[rhymes]

I would feel terrible if I saw concrete proof and I certainly don't want to wait around until the that happens.

 

We're both 27, and when I asked her if she thought the grass was greener, she said most certainly not, I may not find someone who I like or share as much with in my entire life as you, but we just weren't working and I can't force myself to love you as much as you're loving me.

 

It is tough when you leave on as good as terms as possible for a breakup. It certainly wasn't all rainbows and sunshine, but as far as breakups go, it was pretty amicable - or at least I took it in stride, although I was devastated.

 

Maybe I give it time and when I feel like I'm ready to close that chapter, I do ?

 

But like you said, I would feel terrible if I saw a picture with her and any new guy, friend or relationship.

 

The problem with Facebook, is that it provides just a quick snapshot and let's your mind fill in the possibilities. You're lucky your bf wasn't on Facebook, I swear breakups were easier before the internet. It's too easy to access information that is better left unseen.

 

I know what I should do, just impossibly difficult to severe it all

[Sugarkane]

Remember they're only showing the goods parts if their lives on fb. You don't often get to see the bad.

[CopingGal]

Because of my ex, Facebook caused so many problems for me and a tremendous amount of pain. My ex had a hidden Facebook page that looked like it belonged to a single person. He talked about a trip we went on as if he went alone...only put his pictures up from the trip, etc.

 

Then all the lies he told regarding facebook...then more and more lies, then ignoring me and cheating on me. The final blow was telling the world on Facebook he would not change a thing.

 

I was off of facebook for a long time, but now I have a page that I like. I blocked him a long time ago, but my curiousity got the better of me and I had to check....BIG MISTAKE. I will NEVER EVER go to his facebook page again. I blocked him and his son.

 

He kept me hidden from his facebook page, while he bragged about women after me. Once I left him, he put the woman on his page that he cheated on me with. The picture was of an old, disabled woman who was a recovering alcholoic, a smoker (he hates cigarette smoke), and a redneck. That is who he cheated on me with.

[rhymes]

Remember they're only showing the goods parts if their lives on fb. You don't often get to see the bad.

 

This seems very true, but tough to weed out what is true happiness and what is a front. I had a good conversation with a good friend tonight, who basically said you may be able to be friends in the future, but as of now, you need to serve ties. Like I said, there is just something that seems so final about cutting off all means of communication. I feel like once I do that, there is no turning back. I do value myself, it's just extremely hard to say bye for what feels like forever.

[light_vader]

just reconnecting with old friends

Which seems to be one of the only reasons for the existence of Facebook, for instance.

But nowadays you have to wonder how private is your life?

It has become a monster of just disclosing your life to all kinds of strangers.

 

Also I think it is an interesting battlefield for people with a histrionic disorder of personality, always looking for validation from society "Hey look at me, I'm having so much fun, love me all!!!!".

 

What happened to the good old times of calling up a friend just to say "I miss you, let's hang out", instead they have been easily replaced with meetings and virtual hangouts, and now everybody is chatting ten people at the same time (tells you a lot about the level of connection on each of the ten conversations).

 

I am a computer scientist, so no, I'm not just somebody who doesn't understand technology, it's just when used for the purpose of dumbing down emotional response of people... it's like enforcing the army of emotionally stupid people (as if we weren't emotionally stupid enough by default).

 

If you want some kind of advice, delete your facebook profile and move on. Also you're a "lucky one", like somebody else said not to have seen your gf with a new bf on her profile picture.

 

I want to be friends, I'm just not sure I can at this time, although I don't like the alternative much either

Are you sure? I think it's too early on to be thinking about friendships with your ex (which in my book is always a NO), likely you just deeply miss her and think that by being friends you can reignite the flame of love or something twisted like that.

 

If you have a smartphone there are lots of apps that can take your FB "friends" info and put them on your cellphone (or update) as contacts, so you could do that for the people you care, or ask them personally their mail or digits if not available on FB, then delete that profile.

[Exit]

I don't see too many "good" things about still having a snapshot of her life to look at, just bad. And some day you WILL see something much more painful than just noticing that she deleted the pictures that included you. I would either delete her for now or get off Facebook all together.

[CopingGal]

true. I'm so done with going to my ex's page. Whatever he does with his life is his business and the women's lives that he tries to ruin.

 

I concentrate on my own facebook page, which I really like. There are a lot of causes on facebook. You can use facebook to help the world be a better place by bringing causes to the public.

[BewitchedandBothered]

Remember they're only showing the goods parts if their lives on fb. You don't often get to see the bad.

 

Thank you for this point. When all you see is the 'good' stuff, that is all you are seeing. I have figured out that my ex made public one photo album--the one with his new g/f. In my heart of hearts, that was to stick it to his newly engaged ex wife whom he never got over...when he was with me, anyway. Called me by the ex wife's name several times.--Point being, you never know what someone's motives are.

[robkris8079]

I don't look at my ex's. She is defriended but not blocked. It's a game I play in my head. Or better way to explain is a test to my own strength and will power to not look. Which I can honestly say I don't. Now only time I see anything or pictures is if she comments, likes, or is tagged in a pic with some other friend I have. I see she commented on my bro's stuff and liked some status of my sis. But again being able to see these little bits are just testing me. It doesn't really affect me in anyway which is a good thing.

[Kamila]

I also dislike social media the day when I saw a picture of my ex-bf with his new flame. Man, that really hurt me.

But a valuable lesson was learnt though, what you see on FB isn't the whole story.

 

When an ex deletes all of the pictures they once had with you, what does that tell you ?

Yes, the first clue would be that they would like to erase you from their lives.

Is that possible... er no. It's not by deleting some photos that you will get rid of the ghost of the ex.

 

It's like trying to put the radio on, the tv on all the kitchen apparatus on, to block that voice inside your head.

So deleting pictures is like... some sort of voodoo ritual ?

 

So I came to believe that putting a new picture of a new gf on FB as an attempt to forget.

I could be wrong, but that's what I believe for now.

 

But what works the best, is to never stumble upon hurtful pictures.

Forget about FB, and you'll forget about the ex. Or defriend the ex.

[Woggle]

I couldn't care less about Facebook but it is the people using it that are problem. Give them some other avenue and they will use it as well.

[robkris8079]

I also dislike social media the day when I saw a picture of my ex-bf with his new flame. Man, that really hurt me.

But a valuable lesson was learnt though, what you see on FB isn't the whole story.

 

When an ex deletes all of the pictures they once had with you, what does that tell you ?

Yes, the first clue would be that they would like to erase you from their lives.

Is that possible... er no. It's not by deleting some photos that you will get rid of the ghost of the ex.

 

It's like trying to put the radio on, the tv on all the kitchen apparatus on, to block that voice inside your head.

So deleting pictures is like... some sort of voodoo ritual ?

 

So I came to believe that putting a new picture of a new gf on FB as an attempt to forget.

I could be wrong, but that's what I believe for now.

 

But what works the best, is to never stumble upon hurtful pictures.

Forget about FB, and you'll forget about the ex. Or defriend the ex.

 

deleting the photo's for me at least was great. It helped me in several ways. First I didn't have to see my ex's face and all the happy times we had, second my prospective "right one" wouldn't see me with another women, third it's a way for myself to feel like I'm moving on. This might go with the saying "fake it till you make it". Deleting them in no way was to show her anything. It was for me alone and felt good.

 

I do not plan on putting up new pics of me and a girl, not that I have a new girl. I might keep the whole relationship thing off of FB next go around. Including too many pics. I do know seeing pics of her with a new guy would still sting. Actually I did see pics of her with a particular person who she had texted and erased the week before our split. That was the last day I really seen anything of hers. She was already blocked from my newsfeed but that pic had several other people in it that were tagged and my friends so it still showed up.

[BewitchedandBothered]

The bigger picture is that my ex has a huge wooden trunk full of pics of his ex wife and all their memories. He also has a picture he keeps on his book shelf for all to see. It is a 5 x 7 glossy of his ex wife's face with the word "DYKE" written across her forehead in big, bold letters. It creeped me out to see that. He made it a point to show it to me and then place it back on the shelf. I wonder what he wrote on mine, if he he has one. all i know is that this new g/f of his has some mighty shoes to fill--he was never over this ex wife who is now with another woman.

 

He told me he always saves pictures for memories. I deleted any picture I had of him/us together. no point in saving those memories.

[robkris8079]

The bigger picture is that my ex has a huge wooden trunk full of pics of his ex wife and all their memories. He also has a picture he keeps on his book shelf for all to see. It is a 5 x 7 glossy of his ex wife's face with the word "DYKE" written across her forehead in big, bold letters. It creeped me out to see that. He made it a point to show it to me and then place it back on the shelf. I wonder what he wrote on mine, if he he has one. all i know is that this new g/f of his has some mighty shoes to fill--he was never over this ex wife who is now with another woman.

 

He told me he always saves pictures for memories. I deleted any picture I had of him/us together. no point in saving those memories.

 

 

wow maybe he never let go of her. I had pics of my exwife around when I started my new relationship. Nothing like that though. We had a child so I kept a handful and put them in my kids drawer. I tried to get rid of everything else. Throughout my next relationship in the beginning I'd find something stashed in the house somewhere. Not pics really but obviously girly and something from my past. When I seen it I discarded it out of respect for my current partner. But this is a part of life. I found things from her ex bf too at her house before she moved in with me. Mostly pictures her sister and mother still had around.

[BewitchedandBothered]

wow maybe he never let go of her. I had pics of my exwife around when I started my new relationship. Nothing like that though. We had a child so I kept a handful and put them in my kids drawer. I tried to get rid of everything else. Throughout my next relationship in the beginning I'd find something stashed in the house somewhere. Not pics really but obviously girly and something from my past. When I seen it I discarded it out of respect for my current partner. But this is a part of life. I found things from her ex bf too at her house before she moved in with me. Mostly pictures her sister and mother still had around.

 

Your situation is normal. He took me upstairs and opened that trunk and wanted me to see all these pictures and memories. I have never had a fellow do that--show me his ex's pictures...I will never forget that day;it's all so vivid and very telling.

[gibson]

wow maybe he never let go of her. I had pics of my exwife around when I started my new relationship. Nothing like that though. We had a child so I kept a handful and put them in my kids drawer. I tried to get rid of everything else. Throughout my next relationship in the beginning I'd find something stashed in the house somewhere. Not pics really but obviously girly and something from my past. When I seen it I discarded it out of respect for my current partner. But this is a part of life. I found things from her ex bf too at her house before she moved in with me. Mostly pictures her sister and mother still had around.

 

Really?

 

Because you and your wife divorced, your kids are suppose to pretend they do not have a mother and hide pictures of her in a drawer out of respect for your current "partner"?

 

If your "partner" (maybe you should look up the word and it's meaning) has issues with your kid's wanting to "connect" with their mother while away from her by having her picture in their room... Maybe you need to find a new "partner" that respects your kids, what's important to them and is secure in your relationship to not be bothered by pictures of your children's mother in their bedrooms.

 

If I was a dating a women with kids and assuming the father is around and has and wants a relationship with them, I expect and want the kids to have pictures of him in their rooms. If not, I would think there is something wrong with her and not continue dating her. More than likely, both her and the kids are screwed up.

 

I think it takes a selfish, sick or terrible person to knowingly enter into a relationship with someone who has kids and expect the kids to deny or hide a relationship with their mother or father. Feeling the need to hide pictures from someone you are dating, is an example of this.

 

You think you are teaching your children to value, honor and respect women by having your children hid pictures of their mother in a drawer in their own rooms?

 

Be a man, respect yourself, your kids, honor their mother and pull the pictures out of your kids drawers and help them (along with your "partner") put them up / hang them in their room.

 

If your "partner" can't deal with it, for the sake of your kids go find a real "partner" and someone who wants to be an example / parent to your children.

Edited April 4, 2012 by gibson

[robkris8079]

Really?

 

Because you and your wife divorced, your kids are suppose to pretend they do not have a mother and hide pictures of her in a drawer out of respect for your current "partner"?

 

If your "partner" (maybe you should look up the word and it's meaning) has issues with your kid's wanting to "connect" with their mother while away from her by having her picture in their room... Maybe you need to find a new "partner" that respects your kids, what's important to them and is secure in your relationship to not be bothered by pictures of your children's mother in their bedrooms.

 

If I was a dating a women with kids and assuming the father is around and has and wants a relationship with them, I expect and want the kids to have pictures of him in their rooms. If not, I would think there is something wrong with her and not continue dating her. More than likely, both her and the kids are screwed up.

 

I think it takes a selfish, sick or terrible person to knowingly enter into a relationship with someone who has kids and expect the kids to deny or hide a relationship with their mother or father. Feeling the need to hide pictures from someone you are dating, is an example of this.

 

You think you are teaching your children to value, honor and respect women by having your children hid pictures of their mother in a drawer in their own rooms?

 

Be a man, respect yourself, your kids, honor their mother and pull the pictures out of your kids drawers and help them (along with your "partner") put them up / hang them in their room.

 

If your "partner" can't deal with it, for the sake of your kids go find a real "partner" and someone who wants to be an example / parent to your children.

 

There were no pictures on display in the house other then my daughters room. I did not take down any of her pics. I found pics in a closet of my ex wife and I. Those I put in her drawer to do what she wishes when she wants. My ex wife cheated and then moved out of state to only see her kid a few times a month. Also my daughter was one year old when this happened.

 

I am considerate of other's feelings and my own. I didn't want pics of a cheating, child abandoning ex wife all over my house, i did want them in my kids room, i did not want a new women who I was fond of to feel uncomfortable. I don't know if it would have or not but I did what I did and I would do it the same way again.

 

I must ad that my current ex for the past 5 years raised my kid better then her own mother.

Edited April 5, 2012 by robkris8079

[CopingGal]

The bigger picture is that my ex has a huge wooden trunk full of pics of his ex wife and all their memories. He also has a picture he keeps on his book shelf for all to see. It is a 5 x 7 glossy of his ex wife's face with the word "DYKE" written across her forehead in big, bold letters. It creeped me out to see that. He made it a point to show it to me and then place it back on the shelf. I wonder what he wrote on mine, if he he has one. all i know is that this new g/f of his has some mighty shoes to fill--he was never over this ex wife who is now with another woman.

 

He told me he always saves pictures for memories. I deleted any picture I had of him/us together. no point in saving those memories.

 

You ex is creepy. So is mine.

 

Anyway, I used to keep a scrapbook of pictures, flyers, and other things from my dates with my ex. I loved it. I used to draw in it too regarding our dates and things he gave me. The scrapbook also included things from our travels. I loved it until the day that I saw my ex had talked about a trip we went on and acted like he went alone, and then lied about facebook repeatedly. That was the day I threw the scrapbook in the garbage. I've also thrown out all pictures of my ex. I even threw out the phone that had so many messages from him. Seriously, I threw out the phone. I love my new landline phone. It's a different color and very different from the phone I had when I was with him. I got a new track phone too. May be extreme, but I feel better. The track phones that I've used with him are put away. My roommate will wipe them clean. I will then donate them to the domestic violence shelter.

[nature]

OMG rise above freaking Facebook and either go off it for awhile or remove your ex. Seriously. You are torturing yourself and holding onto her thru something like Facebook is only damaging. If she wants you, she will come find you. In the meantime, get the hell off Facebook and focus on YOU. Seriously. I removed all of my ex's friends a few days after we broke up. (my ex wasn't on FB but having his friends on was bad enuff). Yes, some of them were pissed I removed them, but I figured, if they are that immature that they can't understand how I don't want to be tortured thru a social media site like FB, then I don't need them in my life. You need to face the fact that this relationship is done. I'm sorry that hurts. But she broke up with you, then you tried again, then she ran away again. it is done and you need to heal. Staying in the background connected to her will do nothing for you, or for the possibility of a rekindling of your relationship. Be a man, have pride and remove her and hold your head high with dignity so that you can heal and won't be treated like a doormat to walk in and out on again. Hugs.

[soreadytomoveon]

I totally get it - as said in another thread I just broke up with my ex 2 days ago and I changed my relationship status - oh god and so many comments were made it didn't feel good to have so many people like what happened? It just made me sad.

[Kamila]

It's like a reality show on display. Everyone gets to comment.

 

But they don't know a thing about what happened.

 

The only 2 people that can have a say in a relationship are the partners themselves.

[Sugarkane]

The bigger picture is that my ex has a huge wooden trunk full of pics of his ex wife and all their memories. He also has a picture he keeps on his book shelf for all to see. It is a 5 x 7 glossy of his ex wife's face with the word "DYKE" written across her forehead in big, bold letters. It creeped me out to see that. He made it a point to show it to me and then place it back on the shelf. I wonder what he wrote on mine, if he he has one. all i know is that this new g/f of his has some mighty shoes to fill--he was never over this ex wife who is now with another woman.

 

He told me he always saves pictures for memories. I deleted any picture I had of him/us together. no point in saving those memories.

 

WTF? Who does that and then shows their current partner?

Edited April 5, 2012 by Sugarkane

[Sugarkane]

It's like a reality show on display. Everyone gets to comment.

 

But they don't know a thing about what happened.

 

The only 2 people that can have a say in a relationship are the partners themselves.

 

Man that is like 1000% true!