goohoo Posted April 1, 2012 Posted April 1, 2012 So.. I'm still recovering from a breakup 5 months prior.. and I've done (and still am) doing the whole "analyze the ex's new relationship" nonsense, and I just wanted to share something with everyone here to see if it meant anything or am I just looking into things way too deep. Basically, my ex has been living with a male friend for 4 months now and recently made it official about one month ago with him (yes, they were living together BEFORE they even started dating). Anyway.. It may be just me, but this guy seems to be full of empty promises thus far. They were supposed to paint their apartment together.. it hasn't happened yet. He was supposed to do a slight remodel of their bathroom.. had the weekend planned for it and all.. was never done. He told her a few things he was going to do for her that she needed.. and hasn't come through yet. I do think money is an issue for them because my ex is currently unemployed, so I know he is supporting her for the most part, but I know in the beginnings of my relationships, when I make a plan or promise, I stick with it regardless of what it takes. So my question is, when someone makes seemingly empty promises in the beginnings of a relationship, does this usually speak about their personality in general? Does this type of behavior usually continue throughout the entirety of the relationship? Anyone with experience with this, whether it is first hand or not, please share your insights. I thank everyone for their input!
JoeyArnold Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 (edited) Empty promises. It's a bad habit to make promises because we want to show people we care. Yet we get carried away & we speak before we do. So we say too much. Some people do this more than others. Reminds me of Obama whom promised a bunch of things but hasn't kept a bunch of his promises because actions speak louder than words. People sometimes have good intentions but then they just can't do what they promised. Some people just become perpetual liars too. It's sometimes hard to know if the person is a hypocrite, as in a total liar, or if the person is just failing to do everything that they would like to do. Edited April 2, 2012 by JoeyArnold
SmileFace Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 How do you even know all this about her new relationship? Analyzing a ex's new relationship isn't normal -- stop find out this information and work on moving on.
Patrice Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 Amen Smileface ... move on .. it's her choice now. If she settles, she settles .. you go find someone who is better for YOU.
JoeyArnold Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 Analyzing a ex's new relationship isn't normal.Analysing a ex's new relationship is usually more damaging than it is constructive: it can help you move on but it will most likely confuse you because it is sometimes dangerous to compare their current relationship with the relationship you had, especially if you are not ready to compare, to learn from the past, to compare notes, to dive in deep, to take in those things. It is also often a waste of time to dive into these kinds of details. I mean, every situation is different. It sounds like you still care for her. People have that desire to care for each other but sometimes we have to back off because sometimes we cannot get involved with every single person. Sometimes we have to move on or focus on other people. It is also hard when you want to be a guardian angel to somebody you may still be interested in. I'm not saying that what you are doing is wrong or not but I am saying that these kinds of things are often risky & dangerous.
Author goohoo Posted April 2, 2012 Author Posted April 2, 2012 Thanks to everyone so far. I agree that doing what I'm doing is not exactly helping myself at all. I know all of this information because I am still good friends with my ex, and this is a bit of what I have discovered so far. I'm only concerned because I'd hate to see something of hers that she's willing to put so much effort into blow up in her face. She tends to set high expectations and I was just wondering if this kind of behavior (on her new guy's part) is something to even be concerned about, even though it is still very early in their relationship.
Author goohoo Posted April 2, 2012 Author Posted April 2, 2012 If you're her good friend tell her to quit her bitching about her boyfriend and she order another round. She's not complaining one bit. She seems happy where she is, but like I said, I'd hate to see her expectations set through the roof, only to be let down in the future. I care because I'm her friend and I don't want to see her hurt.
JoeyArnold Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 If you're her good friend tell her to quit her bitching. I disagree. I care about people, even if you're an enemy. I will still listen to people. I care about people, even if it were a former lover. The new man in her life will make mistakes & will hurt her to some extent.
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