MarkV Posted April 1, 2012 Posted April 1, 2012 This is a question for the ladies. After a break up, do many people tend to go out drinking, eating rubbish etc? My ex (together nearly 6 years) ended it with me nye and since then has been going out loads to keep busy, drinking lots, eating rubbish and getting into debt. I have been doing the opposite and been spending money on my friends, decorating the spare room etc. I think the difference is that im 31 and she is 25 and think she has this GIGS thing. When she was with me she was so focused, sensible etc but now she doesnt seem to care about herself or what she is doing. I havent contacted her as she seems on self destruct but last week she asked me out for food. She looked terrible (not nice to see) but seems to think she is ok but when we left she nearly broke down crying when i gave her a friendly hug..what is going on with her? Is this a common way for people to act after a breakup..and she left me
Patrice Posted April 1, 2012 Posted April 1, 2012 Most likely it depends on the woman ... could be at her age, she has some things to try on that she didn't exhibit when you were involved.
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 1, 2012 Posted April 1, 2012 This is a question for the ladies. After a break up, do many people tend to go out drinking, eating rubbish etc? My ex (together nearly 6 years) ended it with me nye and since then has been going out loads to keep busy, drinking lots, eating rubbish and getting into debt. I have been doing the opposite and been spending money on my friends, decorating the spare room etc. I think the difference is that im 31 and she is 25 and think she has this GIGS thing. When she was with me she was so focused, sensible etc but now she doesnt seem to care about herself or what she is doing. I havent contacted her as she seems on self destruct but last week she asked me out for food. She looked terrible (not nice to see) but seems to think she is ok but when we left she nearly broke down crying when i gave her a friendly hug..what is going on with her? Is this a common way for people to act after a breakup..and she left me My ex went right back on several dating sites (while still with me). He never wanted to be alone even though he dumped me. He wanted to date different people and now he found someone he is 'in love' with already. Me? I spent my time redecorating, watching favorite old movies, going to lunch/dinner with the ladies and lots of time at the gym. I adopted a dog from a shelter, too, which has been healing. I don't need someone in my life to make me feel valued; this ex of mine does. My ex also cried and had the nerve to email me saying he missed laughing with me and he would always love me; said he would never find anyone with our chemistry, etc. didn't take him long at all. I am glad you are doing the mature thing and healing for yourself. Stay on this healing path. 1
CopingGal Posted April 1, 2012 Posted April 1, 2012 My ex went right back on several dating sites (while still with me). He never wanted to be alone even though he dumped me. He wanted to date different people and now he found someone he is 'in love' with already. Me? I spent my time redecorating, watching favorite old movies, going to lunch/dinner with the ladies and lots of time at the gym. I adopted a dog from a shelter, too, which has been healing. I don't need someone in my life to make me feel valued; this ex of mine does. My ex also cried and had the nerve to email me saying he missed laughing with me and he would always love me; said he would never find anyone with our chemistry, etc. didn't take him long at all. I am glad you are doing the mature thing and healing for yourself. Stay on this healing path. Could you tell me more about the dog you adopted and how it is helping you heal from your breakup? 1
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 1, 2012 Posted April 1, 2012 Could you tell me more about the dog you adopted and how it is helping you heal from your breakup? On a spur of the moment, I went to a shelter to look at the dogs; puppies always make me feel good. I saw this one particular dog, a mix of a shepherd and hound. She was so beautiful and 2 years old. She was supposed to be in a kill shelter, but ended up accidentally on a truck to the shelter I went to. I was able to adopt her and ever since, we have a connection:) Taking her for walks, letting her run at local doggie park. She senses when I am in a funk. If I am laying on the couch feeling less than stellar, she nudges me and gives me her toy to play tug of war. If she feels I am sleeping to late in the morning, she puts her nose under my arm, LOL;) Just brushing her and snuggling her is the best feeling in the world. And knowing she is having a good life makes me feel good. Having a pet changes things. I am a dog person, my ex was a dog person...his new g/f has at least 4 cats...Go figure, LOL!!! 3
CopingGal Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 On a spur of the moment, I went to a shelter to look at the dogs; puppies always make me feel good. I saw this one particular dog, a mix of a shepherd and hound. She was so beautiful and 2 years old. She was supposed to be in a kill shelter, but ended up accidentally on a truck to the shelter I went to. I was able to adopt her and ever since, we have a connection:) Taking her for walks, letting her run at local doggie park. She senses when I am in a funk. If I am laying on the couch feeling less than stellar, she nudges me and gives me her toy to play tug of war. If she feels I am sleeping to late in the morning, she puts her nose under my arm, LOL;) Just brushing her and snuggling her is the best feeling in the world. And knowing she is having a good life makes me feel good. Having a pet changes things. I am a dog person, my ex was a dog person...his new g/f has at least 4 cats...Go figure, LOL!!! That is so wonderful. I'm glad you adopted an older dog. There are so many non-puppies that get passed up. She sounds big. Sounds like she would be great to hug. That is wonderful. That is a very positive coping mechanism. I wish I had a dog. No dogs allowed here and we don't have the money for one. I would love to snuggle with a big, soft dog.
M2155 Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 Wow the dog idea is awesome, that is loyalty that can't be matched! I want one but I can't handle the responsibility right now. Reminds me about 15 years ago I had my first heartbreak and stole a stuffed animal from my friend to cry myself to sleep with. Well 15 years later (yeah I'm not ashamed:D) I still find comfort in that stuffed animal whenever I am having man or emotional drama. So everyone handles a breakup in different ways. We usually don't "learn" how we cope with it best until we go through it. I'm sure your ex OP, is just really confused and not sure what direction she wants to go. It's something she will have to figure it out for herself.
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 That is so wonderful. I'm glad you adopted an older dog. There are so many non-puppies that get passed up. She sounds big. Sounds like she would be great to hug. That is wonderful. That is a very positive coping mechanism. I wish I had a dog. No dogs allowed here and we don't have the money for one. I would love to snuggle with a big, soft dog.She is 70 pounds and jumps in my lap if I am on the couch!! Very cuddle worthy:) 2
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 Wow the dog idea is awesome, that is loyalty that can't be matched! I want one but I can't handle the responsibility right now. Reminds me about 15 years ago I had my first heartbreak and stole a stuffed animal from my friend to cry myself to sleep with. Well 15 years later (yeah I'm not ashamed:D) I still find comfort in that stuffed animal whenever I am having man or emotional drama. So everyone handles a breakup in different ways. We usually don't "learn" how we cope with it best until we go through it. I'm sure your ex OP, is just really confused and not sure what direction she wants to go. It's something she will have to figure it out for herself. It's like searching around in the dark for the flashlight, but it takes awhile to find:( But the light is there. When I asked a friend why it hurts so much and why my ex can just go as if nothing happend, unscathed. she said "who hurts more, the person who broke your leg, or you, with the broken leg?" I got what she meant. You have to sit and nurse the wound. the person who broke the leg gets to walk off. Unfair, I know. Funny thing...you would think after his ex wife leaving and his being hurt by that, he would have learned a lesson. I was hurt deeply by him and now he's got someone new. Makes no sense to me.
jennisfora Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 can't have pets in my apartment, otherwise i would probably have a menagerie. you just can't beat the unconditional love of a good animal. They will believe in you, look up to you, adore you, comfort you, and never betray you. they are truly awesome companions. Humans are so unreliable compared to a dog, cat, or horse. 3
Poovey Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 It's like searching around in the dark for the flashlight, but it takes awhile to find:( But the light is there. When I asked a friend why it hurts so much and why my ex can just go as if nothing happend, unscathed. she said "who hurts more, the person who broke your leg, or you, with the broken leg?" I got what she meant. You have to sit and nurse the wound. the person who broke the leg gets to walk off. Unfair, I know. Funny thing...you would think after his ex wife leaving and his being hurt by that, he would have learned a lesson. I was hurt deeply by him and now he's got someone new. Makes no sense to me. I found comfort in this...thanks for posting! I've sat and nursed the wound. I realized recently I'm getting tired of nursing the wound...I'm taking that as a sign I'm healing You also mentioned, "you would think after his ex wife leaving and his being hurt by that, he would have learned his lesson." One would think, but it's never that easy. I've mentioned on LS before that my Ex is a creature of habit, among other things lol. He repeats the same relationship cycle over and over again - he moves from one to the next at lightning speed, they all last about the same length of time, he breaks them off, and then he's right back to square one again. It's highly doubtful he'll ever address his own issues. Nobody wants to admit that they may be the problem or have the problems and not the other person. 1
CopingGal Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 (edited) Back to pets for a moment- I knew someone who has a big, scary looking dog. He has big jaws and just looked so scary. But he is such a little baby! He is sooo big and he's a lap dog! He will cry if he can't sit in the lap of his owner when he wants to. He was also very sweet! Pets can be such a great comfort for loneliness. Me, I have my rag doll. She gets me through the night! Edited April 2, 2012 by CopingGal 1
Author MarkV Posted April 2, 2012 Author Posted April 2, 2012 Id love a dog but only rent so im not allowed..boo hoo! Im just leaving her to it and it took her to contact me last time. I think if she contacts me again im not going to bother meeting up. Its my bday at the end of April and no doubt she will contact me then. No one in our mutual friends are taking sides but they can see how she is acting and the way she isnt looking after herself. Im not angry with the girl at all because it must be hard for her if she has confusion etc. I just never saw it coming and it stunned me. Just hope one day she realises what she has lost and who she has become..i still love her but am not attracted to the girl she is at the moment 1
CopingGal Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 I thought I loved, LOVED my boyfriend and that I really liked the person he was. I was wrong. When I was able to push all of the lies out of the way, I saw him for what he really was. I do not love my boyfriend. I do not even like him. He pretended to be a man that he was not. I thought he was a nice person who loved me and who was just troubled. I found out that he is a very cruel compulsive liar with no conscience. I don't love him. I love who he pretended to be. It's so sad. He really is a pathetic bastard.
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 I found comfort in this...thanks for posting! I've sat and nursed the wound. I realized recently I'm getting tired of nursing the wound...I'm taking that as a sign I'm healing You also mentioned, "you would think after his ex wife leaving and his being hurt by that, he would have learned his lesson." One would think, but it's never that easy. I've mentioned on LS before that my Ex is a creature of habit, among other things lol. He repeats the same relationship cycle over and over again - he moves from one to the next at lightning speed, they all last about the same length of time, he breaks them off, and then he's right back to square one again. It's highly doubtful he'll ever address his own issues. Nobody wants to admit that they may be the problem or have the problems and not the other person.Thank you, Poovey; your post has given me comfort as well. I just wanted to know that it wasn't 'me'. My ego and pride and heart and feelings...they all took a major hit. He hurt all the ladies in his life and I diagnosed him with Borderline Personality after reading up on it; he fits 99% of the criteria! His ex wife thought he should be diagnosed. Now he has a new lady to put on a pedestal while he talks trash about all of us. It's a crappy feeling.
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 Back to pets for a moment- I knew someone who has a big, scary looking dog. He has big jaws and just looked so scary. But he is such a little baby! He is sooo big and he's a lap dog! He will cry if he can't sit in the lap of his owner when he wants to. He was also very sweet! Pets can be such a great comfort for loneliness. Me, I have my rag doll. She gets me through the night! I also have a teddy bear that I snuggle with; brings me comfort. Love those big, gentle giants:) They are healing indeed:)
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