eddiesay Posted April 1, 2012 Posted April 1, 2012 So, as I stated in my last tread, I have been dating my girlfriend since January. We both agreed to go slow with our relationship as we both have our own children and dont want to hurt them either. Her child is also a special needs child. Needs a lot of structure and consistant environment. I know and respect this and going slow will help the transision. My main "complaint" is only getting a day a week with her. We rarely see each other more than one day a week. Ihave tried to get her to go away for weekends that she is available (when her son is with his father) but she always has an excuse not to stay. And to be honest and fair, the excuses are largely valid. One evening, she came to help me with business stuff and we both agreed to a night off from going slow and made love. That was 6 weeks ago. Last weekend, she came for dinner at my cabin, and we heated up, and she let me touch her and tease her, but we did not do anything (my son was in the living room). The next night she came up again and she would not even let me touch her. (my son was with his grand mother). She has stated many times that she does not want to make another "mistake" and has learned from her past. Meaning having an unplanned child. Anyway, what do I do? I love this woman... and as the book "Men are from mars, women..." states, men need sex to feel loved. Am I over thinking it? Do I let things continue "slow?" I am afraid that if we continue too slow, they may never heat up... Or am I over thinking it? Ugh...
Mr. Slim Posted April 1, 2012 Posted April 1, 2012 So you're just horny? Three months, while significant, isn't that long of a time. Have you actually confirmed you're both in a relationship? Having said that, three months seems like the perfect point at which to speed things up a bit. I would just tell her casually that you'd like to see her more often and see how she responds.
fishtaco Posted April 1, 2012 Posted April 1, 2012 Makes me wonder why she's even in this relationship...
Author eddiesay Posted April 1, 2012 Author Posted April 1, 2012 She tells me she loves me. And she is afraid to be abandoned again. Maybe she just wants to see if I will leave? Maybe, it has only been 3 months, and we were apart for 13 years before.... I will continue to show her I love and support her. Continue to do the little things that make her smile. Like notes in the mail, flowers for no reason, etc... What else can I do to prove to her that I am here for the long haul?
spiderowl Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 Maybe she feels guilty about it becoming physical, for some reason. But my feeling is that she isn't sexually attracted and is avoiding that kind of contact. Another possibility is that she feels you are taking every opportunity to leap on her no matter what the circumstances, and she isn't comfortable with that. Maybe she doubts whether you like her much as a person but are only interested in sex. Underneath all this, I feel she is doubting your motives or she doesn't fancy you. Hard to tell from here.
Author eddiesay Posted April 2, 2012 Author Posted April 2, 2012 I would like to think it was that simple, but I really do believe her when she says she is in love with me. Just her saying those words are a hard thing for her. She had told me from the beginning that she has a hard time showing affection. Maybe this is just what I have to work with? There is a lot more in the mix than just a simple love, not love. She has a son with autism who requires constant structure and routine, so just introducing me is a big deal. Maybe I need to be more patient?
Author eddiesay Posted April 2, 2012 Author Posted April 2, 2012 And now she is asking for us to go on a real evening date. Without the kids, to get dressed up and actually have "a date."
Emilia Posted April 2, 2012 Posted April 2, 2012 Sounds like she wants more romance? Although you have been buying her flowers, etc. Personally, I couldn't date someone for any period without regular sex. I need that both physically and emotionally. Men are not from Mars and women are not from Venus.
Author eddiesay Posted April 12, 2012 Author Posted April 12, 2012 What kind of romance? I send flowers. Take her out. Send love notes in the mail. She is so busy raising her son, and has been single for so long, she has a hard time giving me more time. I am lucky to get one day a week, because more than that disrupts her son;s schedule... Sigh...
Author eddiesay Posted April 12, 2012 Author Posted April 12, 2012 Next weekend, we have plans for an adult night out, to go to a small concert.
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