SilverBlueAndGold Posted April 1, 2012 Posted April 1, 2012 This is killing me; we broke up two weeks ago and she is just being relentless. After a week went by I was finally starting to barely get used to it and she bombs me with all of this counseling stuff she is doing and feels the need to share it with me. I didnt know what to say so didnt reply, then i get text bombed like crazy and she is driving by my place and calling. Finally agreed to talk to her and she is a wreck, lost like 15 pounds and obviously crying a lot. I was compassionate but firm, she kept asking if I thought there would be a chance "down the road" and I didn't make any promises and stressed that we need to go no contact. She left all tearful and told me how wonderful I am. Then at night I get drunk texts about how much she hates me and I need to go to hell and whatnot. This morning I told her I wasnt going to tolerate that and she tells me how much she hates me, I lied to her, never loved her, used her, etc. Jeebus, why does everything have to be so black and white? Why is she conviced that I was lying to her or using her or whatever? On the one hand I feel sorry for her because she cant seem to make up her mind but on the other I am a little scared because I am getting this "**** you I love you dont ever leave me I never want to see you again" vibe.
jennisfora Posted April 1, 2012 Posted April 1, 2012 she is scared. she is scared you are gone for good, and there isn't anything she can do about it, so she is unhinged, and desperate. we know that being desperate isn't attractive, but when someone hits that state, they aren't rationale anymore. she is getting angry because she can't control the situation, and because she feels rejected. which hurts. so her lashing out is her way of trying to reject you, only it fails miserably because there is no logic to it. basically, she is wounded right now and can't think straight. i wouldn't take anything hurtful she says seriously right now, and i would have some pity. try to limit your contact as much as possible. eventually, she will calm down and be rationale again. if you need to talk to her, tell her that she needs to take some time to regain control over her emotions and get in a better place before you can talk. do not promise her you will get back together, unless that's what you want. but, right now she needs to back off, and respect your wishes for no contact and space. if you want you can tell her she is being disrespectful and stalker like by doing this, and if she persists, you may have to call the police. might be a wake up call to her that she is out of control. *hugs*
Author SilverBlueAndGold Posted April 1, 2012 Author Posted April 1, 2012 she is scared. she is scared you are gone for good, and there isn't anything she can do about it, so she is unhinged, and desperate. we know that being desperate isn't attractive, but when someone hits that state, they aren't rationale anymore. she is getting angry because she can't control the situation, and because she feels rejected. which hurts. so her lashing out is her way of trying to reject you, only it fails miserably because there is no logic to it. basically, she is wounded right now and can't think straight. i wouldn't take anything hurtful she says seriously right now, and i would have some pity. try to limit your contact as much as possible. eventually, she will calm down and be rationale again. if you need to talk to her, tell her that she needs to take some time to regain control over her emotions and get in a better place before you can talk. do not promise her you will get back together, unless that's what you want. but, right now she needs to back off, and respect your wishes for no contact and space. if you want you can tell her she is being disrespectful and stalker like by doing this, and if she persists, you may have to call the police. might be a wake up call to her that she is out of control. *hugs* Thanks, I really appreciate a female perspective on this. I am honestly scratching my head as to how I can go from the most wonderful man on the planet to the worst thing that ever happened to her in less than 24 hours. You are probably right and I suspected that it's anger and pain lashing out. Thing is I do care for her, this would be so much easier if I didn't.
Author SilverBlueAndGold Posted April 3, 2012 Author Posted April 3, 2012 Why do I care that she hates me? Trying my best to just ignore all this, move on and stay NC. But this is eating away at me...even if I convince myself that is the just the pain talking it still really bothers me. Guess I just don't like the idea that there is somebody out there that I care for deeply is convinced that I am a piece of dirt that deserves to be despised.
blindesided Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 Why do I care that she hates me? Trying my best to just ignore all this, move on and stay NC. But this is eating away at me...even if I convince myself that is the just the pain talking it still really bothers me. Guess I just don't like the idea that there is somebody out there that I care for deeply is convinced that I am a piece of dirt that deserves to be despised. She doesnt hate you or think you are a piece of dirt. She is using that as a defense mechanism. It is easier to get over someone if you hate them & find fault. Believe me - I have tried everything in my power to find fault with my ex (so far all I have come up with that he smokes - but that didnt really even bother me - too much) - It is much harder to deal with a breakup (in my opinion) when there wasnt a concrete reason - its hard to accept you just werent "right" for each other or at 2 different places...ect... I too am like you - I cant stand the thought of someone being angry at me or not liking me - but know deep down she truly doesnt feel that way 1
budley12 Posted April 3, 2012 Posted April 3, 2012 I was in you ex's shoes. However my ex dragged me along and said he wanted to get back while he was talking to someone else and testing the waters. He still dragged me along up until the point he said "i may start a relationship with -----, but I want to be friends and maybe down the road we can get back together". I wish my ex had been more black and white as you have - sure it may have hurt more at first but all of the wondering and pain would have left much quicker and I could have started healing months sooner. I commend you for not leading her on and giving hopes. As for her "hating you". I too put this facade of hate when I bump into my ex, but that is only because I need to tricky myself into hating him to get over him. He knows that I still love him, but I need him out of my life and to avoid/ignore so I can hopefully move on just as he has. Maybe this is her way of healing and trying to move on. I would not take it personally, I would just look the other way and let time take its course.
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