Tell on your ex for affair with married man? It's complicated.

[theother]

She's having a secret affair with a married man who has three kids.

He's left his wife once and moved in with her for a few weeks then when his wife tried to commit suicide he moved back out but didn't tell her for nearly a week.

Since then he continues to come to her house for sex whenever he can sneak off for a few hours. It's only ever a few hours maximum and there's always sex.

She was my fiancee. I treated her like a princess and she used to tell people it and used to say that I was the best man there is.

She is still hanging on to the belief that he's going to leave his wife and family and move in with her since that's what she ditched me for and it's what he promised her. Since she lost a good man in me she's still trying to believe that he actually loves her and that he's going to fulfill his promises.

She says this load of old rubbish to justify hanging on to that hope; 'There must be something wrong with his marriage if he's still coming to see me'.

Of course there isn't! His marriage is A-1 with an on demand sex slave just round the corner.

Her two kids that I have raised as my own even though they both have different fathers I love as my own. They are my children and I love them so much that I am still trying to see them all the time and am organizing my life to benefit them. She was pregnant with the little boy when I met her and the little girl was 3. Neither of their biologicals is functional to the point where they might as well not exist and both the kids love and consider me Daddy. We were together 5 years.

My now ex fiance cheated on me vindictively with this guy and then deliberately refused me contact with the kids for 16 weeks (including Christmas) and rubbed my nose in her sexcapades so there will not be a reconciliation between us. I am only there for the kids.

Here's the point in question;

As she was always complaining when we were together about wanting another child before she got too old, I am certain that my ex is trying to get pregnant to this guy so she can have a bargaining chip to use that she believes will be valuable enough collateral to manipulate him into leaving his wife for her once she's pregnant.

I know for a fact that this guy is not going to leave his wife if she gets pregnant. He'll tell her to get an abortion which she won't.

At this point she'll either give him an ultimatuum to leave his wife and move in with her to which he will refuse for whatever cunning reason he's devised that allows him to keep using her as a free hooker and/or his wife will tell him to stop seeing her or their marriage is over and he'll stop seeing her.

I know who he is and where he lives as of the last 7 hours and could easily get the information to his wife that he's cheating on her, with the intention of hopefully severing his relationship with my ex.

Why? Not because I totally despise, abhor and hate their stinking guts, but because I don't want to wind up raising this supposed human being's kid, that is her unwanted 'love' child.

If it happens I can hardly ignore it can I? I mean it's going to be my kids' little brother or sister isn't it?

I know my ex. She has so little love for anyone but herself that she's sociopathic. She'd lose interest in that kid in three months and then... it's Dad's responsibility.

If you're a Christian please pray to God that she doesn't conceive.

Since I can see all this as a possibility and I am a naturally empathetic and compassionate person who won't hate the poor, little, unloved, unwanted tyke I feel like it's my duty to try to sabotage their affair before an unwanted child is created.

Could anyone please offer me any thoughts, suggestions or advice?

[BewitchedandBothered]

Whatever you do, it's not your place to tell the wife. I know it's wrong what's going on, but is she likely to believe you? Also, she will find out in time. Affairs always have a way of coming to fruition. Your ex is still second fiddle and being used. This guy won't' leave his wife for her; he's got it made in the shade.

 

Just move on from these toxic people.

[Chi townD]

Ummm.... I would tell the wife if you were looking to end the affair and to try and work on your relationship with her. If you're looking to tell the wife just to be vindictive? Then no. Serves no purpose other than getting the wrong kind of revenge.

 

Thing is, you were wronged. She did you wrong and is that kind of a person really worth your time? I would hope not.

 

The right kind of revenge is to live a damn good life. Change yourself. I truely believe this because I know first hand. IT DOES WORK! Change your hairstyle and change your wardrobe. Work out at the gym. Go back to school and get a better paying job so you can upgrade everything in your life. Awesome townhome and an awesome new car. Then take trips, anywhere and everywhere.

 

Point is, you're going to be styling and profiling. New home, new car, killer job making good money and you just came back from a vacation in the Bahamas. Meanwhile, she's going to be holding out on a guy that will not committ to her, can't and won't wine and dine her, can't really go out on dates. Then, she'll realize all she ever was, was a piece on the side for a relationship that is going nowhere.

 

That's the kind of revenge you should be looking for.

[KathyM]

I would agree that leaving these toxic people would be best. Normally, I would suggest informing the BS, but since this woman is suicidal, that might put her over the edge. I just feel sorry for those poor kids being raised by such messed up people. I would suggest you stay out of it.

[BewitchedandBothered]

Ummm.... I would tell the wife if you were looking to end the affair and to try and work on your relationship with her. If you're looking to tell the wife just to be vindictive? Then no. Serves no purpose other than getting the wrong kind of revenge.

 

Thing is, you were wronged. She did you wrong and is that kind of a person really worth your time? I would hope not.

 

The right kind of revenge is to live a damn good life. Change yourself. I truely believe this because I know first hand. IT DOES WORK! Change your hairstyle and change your wardrobe. Work out at the gym. Go back to school and get a better paying job so you can upgrade everything in your life. Awesome townhome and an awesome new car. Then take trips, anywhere and everywhere.

 

Point is, you're going to be styling and profiling. New home, new car, killer job making good money and you just came back from a vacation in the Bahamas. Meanwhile, she's going to be holding out on a guy that will not committ to her, can't and won't wine and dine her, can't really go out on dates. Then, she'll realize all she ever was, was a piece on the side for a relationship that is going nowhere.

 

That's the kind of revenge you should be looking for.

 

that's what I meant; don't tell if you are doing so with malice.

[Chi townD]

that's what I meant; don't tell if you are doing so with malice.

 

 

Oh, I agree with you as well. If the OMW is suicidal, I wouldn't want to be the one to tell her and risk me pushing her over the edge.

[sweetheart5381]

Yes, I would definitely walk away from this one - it will end disasterously for those involved. Don't be involved in any way.

 

I am all for honesty with my friends and loved ones, but telling a virtual stranger that they are being cheated on is fruitless. From experience I can tell you that I was told by a virtual stranger (my ex's lover told me it went on through our entire relationship, only after he cheated on her) Some things are better left unsaid, not needed at all.

 

Sounds like the woman already has enough to deal with and likely has an idea anyway.

 

Not worth the trouble to meddle in a marriage that isn't yours.

[BewitchedandBothered]

Yes, I would definitely walk away from this one - it will end disasterously for those involved. Don't be involved in any way.

 

I am all for honesty with my friends and loved ones, but telling a virtual stranger that they are being cheated on is fruitless. From experience I can tell you that I was told by a virtual stranger (my ex's lover told me it went on through our entire relationship, only after he cheated on her) Some things are better left unsaid, not needed at all.

 

Sounds like the woman already has enough to deal with and likely has an idea anyway.

 

Not worth the trouble to meddle in a marriage that isn't yours.

 

*raises hand*, I was also warned by virtual strangers and it did no good; I didn't believe them and resented them.

[sweetheart5381]

*raises hand*, I was also warned by virtual strangers and it did no good; I didn't believe them and resented them.

 

Ya, in my case, I did believe it, had a gut feeling all along and he eventually confessed, didnt have a choice really.

 

I hold nothing against the other woman, in fact I feel bad for her and the one that he cheated on her for, lol.

 

This ex is now in jail for breaching his bail conditions, he beat the girl after the last girl, AGAIN. You can try your best to warn, but in the end some folks learn the hard way.

 

Once a loser, always a loser.

[CopingGal]

Once a loser, always a loser.

 

You said it, ONCE A LOSER, ALWAYS A LOSERRRRRRR!

[CopingGal]

You should stay out of it. His wife is suicidal. She may not be ready to hear things like that. Just walk away from the entire situation.

[BewitchedandBothered]

Ya, in my case, I did believe it, had a gut feeling all along and he eventually confessed, didnt have a choice really.

 

I hold nothing against the other woman, in fact I feel bad for her and the one that he cheated on her for, lol.

 

This ex is now in jail for breaching his bail conditions, he beat the girl after the last girl, AGAIN. You can try your best to warn, but in the end some folks learn the hard way.

 

Once a loser, always a loser.

 

Please tell me this is true of my ex.

[BewitchedandBothered]

Ya, in my case, I did believe it, had a gut feeling all along and he eventually confessed, didnt have a choice really.

 

I hold nothing against the other woman, in fact I feel bad for her and the one that he cheated on her for, lol.

 

This ex is now in jail for breaching his bail conditions, he beat the girl after the last girl, AGAIN. You can try your best to warn, but in the end some folks learn the hard way.

 

Once a loser, always a loser.

 

Please tell me this is true of my ex. that his true colors will come out again and it wasn't just because of me he was a loser.

[BewitchedandBothered]

Please tell me this is true of my ex. that his true colors will come out again and it wasn't just because of me he was a loser.

 

Sorry for the repeat, my computer cut me off and had to reboot, LOL

[theother]

Thank you all very much for putting in the time and effort to answer my question. I guess it's a tough call really. I wouldn't be doing it out of malice if I did it, I would be doing it to save myself from a situation where there'd be yet another unwanted child that would become my reponsibility by default.

[BewitchedandBothered]

Thank you all very much for putting in the time and effort to answer my question. I guess it's a tough call really. I wouldn't be doing it out of malice if I did it, I would be doing it to save myself from a situation where there'd be yet another unwanted child that would become my reponsibility by default.

 

If a child comes out of it, give that child all the love you possibly can; he/she didn't ask to be put in this situation, but will need all the love and support so he/she never feels like an accident or outsider. The kids' well being is of the utmost here.

[theother]

If a child comes out of it, give that child all the love you possibly can; he/she didn't ask to be put in this situation, but will need all the love and support so he/she never feels like an accident or outsider. The kids' well being is of the utmost here.

 

Thanks for your input. It's very much a help to have people who are interested in my problems.

The only problem with the above advice is that I don't actually want to have to raise another kid as my own especially when that kid belongs to a man who broke up my engagement, used my ex as a sex toy and then left her for dead once she got pregnant to him and I can see it all coming.

One single message or phone call to his wife and there may not be any unwanted child.

For those of you worried about his wife's suicide attempt, it really was a pretty pathetic effort really involving hardly any otc painkillers definitely not enough to kill yourself if you were seriously wanting to die.

Do I just hope that she doesn't conceive and tires of and dumps him or do I wait for the inevitable? That's my dilemma.

Oh and just out of interest- I saw a picture of this guy's wife and she looks so much like my ex (his sex toy) that it's uncanny. The only difference between them is that the model he's stuck with is really overweight. That should give everyone an idea of how superficial the reasons are for this guy to have an affair. (I still loved my ex even when she got overweight btw).

I know for sure that my ex thinks they're meant for each other since she told me that she 'never believed in the whole soul mates thing until she met Cap'n Useoid'.

My only comment on that is this; the only reason that she thinks he's her soul mate is because he was prepared to do over his wife and kids in order to be with her in just the same way that she will happily run roughshod over the top of her partner and kids to get what she wants too.

Since she is 100% dumb enough to believe that they're 'soul mates' then in her mind squeezing out yet another kid is her sure fire way of forcing his hand and making him come to her. And if he doesn't- well she'll be happy because wanted another kid anyway and good ol' Stupid Dad will be there to take up the slack while she lies on the couch and whinges that life's dealt her a cruel blow.

[BewitchedandBothered]

Thanks for your input. It's very much a help to have people who are interested in my problems.

The only problem with the above advice is that I don't actually want to have to raise another kid as my own especially when that kid belongs to a man who broke up my engagement, used my ex as a sex toy and then left her for dead once she got pregnant to him and I can see it all coming.

One single message or phone call to his wife and there may not be any unwanted child.

For those of you worried about his wife's suicide attempt, it really was a pretty pathetic effort really involving hardly any otc painkillers definitely not enough to kill yourself if you were seriously wanting to die.

Do I just hope that she doesn't conceive and tires of and dumps him or do I wait for the inevitable? That's my dilemma.

Oh and just out of interest- I saw a picture of this guy's wife and she looks so much like my ex (his sex toy) that it's uncanny. The only difference between them is that the model he's stuck with is really overweight. That should give everyone an idea of how superficial the reasons are for this guy to have an affair. (I still loved my ex even when she got overweight btw).

I know for sure that my ex thinks they're meant for each other since she told me that she 'never believed in the whole soul mates thing until she met Cap'n Useoid'.

My only comment on that is this; the only reason that she thinks he's her soul mate is because he was prepared to do over his wife and kids in order to be with her in just the same way that she will happily run roughshod over the top of her partner and kids to get what she wants too.

Since she is 100% dumb enough to believe that they're 'soul mates' then in her mind squeezing out yet another kid is her sure fire way of forcing his hand and making him come to her. And if he doesn't- well she'll be happy because wanted another kid anyway and good ol' Stupid Dad will be there to take up the slack while she lies on the couch and whinges that life's dealt her a cruel blow.

the best you can do is be there for her when the inevitable happens; if he should hurt her and abandon her. She thinks it's love. Also, telling the wife won't do a darn thing to prevent intimate encounters. He could be all suave, knows how to handle the wife and deny it all. Just be there for her; she will have to learn this guy is a creep.

[g450]

Good God man!

 

She is cheating on you and wants his baby?

 

Why would you care what she is doing? And why would you want a woman back that obviously doesnt love you or respect you?

 

I can never understand these woman that are dumb enough to have an affair with a married man and actually thinks he is going to marry her and be faithful to HER. Seriously? Are some of them really that stupid?

 

I would divorce her in a heartbeat if she wants to be some married guys cum bucket on the side. She can raise his kid on her own if she is dumb enough to let herself get pregnant by him.

 

Have some respect for yourself. I would fulsh that turd of a human being as fast as I could. Sorry for being so crude, but somebody has to say this.

[theother]

Good God man!

 

She is cheating on you and wants his baby?

 

Why would you care what she is doing? And why would you want a woman back that obviously doesnt love you or respect you?

 

I can never understand these woman that are dumb enough to have an affair with a married man and actually thinks he is going to marry her and be faithful to HER. Seriously? Are some of them really that stupid?

 

I would divorce her in a heartbeat if she wants to be some married guys cum bucket on the side. She can raise his kid on her own if she is dumb enough to let herself get pregnant by him.

 

Have some respect for yourself. I would fulsh that turd of a human being as fast as I could. Sorry for being so crude, but somebody has to say this.

 

It might make more sense if you actually bothered to read my story before posting.

1. I never said I wanted her back.

2. You haven't noted the very important point: that I am looking after the kids who I have more or less adopted as my own and that's why her getting pregnant to this user is a major concern to me.

3. Why am I bothering quoting you and trying to correct you when you've already proven yourself incapable of absorbing my pretty obviously well-written, clear and concise story?

How's THAT for self respect?

[g450]

It might make more sense if you actually bothered to read my story before posting.

1. I never said I wanted her back.

2. You haven't noted the very important point: that I am looking after the kids who I have more or less adopted as my own and that's why her getting pregnant to this user is a major concern to me.

3. Why am I bothering quoting you and trying to correct you when you've already proven yourself incapable of absorbing my pretty obviously well-written, clear and concise story?

How's THAT for self respect?

 

So let me get this straight...

 

You say you dont want her back but if she gets prego with the losers baby you want that baby? For the love of God why? What does "more or less adopted" mean? Is that your idea of a legal term? Are you for real?

 

Why are you taking care of the cheaters kids while she is cheating on you? You admit yourself that they are not even your kids? What were you thinking exactly?

 

And your now lecturing me about self respect? OMFG! Are you serious?

 

My lack of reading comprehension skills seems to be the least of your problems.

 

If you were smart you would bail. But my guess is you are looking for somebody to tell you what a great father you will be for somebody elses kids etc. And if you dont want the kids then what are you complaining about exactly? You owe her nothing.

And let me tell you right now that if you think that a single male can adopt a mothers children and take them away from her then you are trully dillusional.

 

Good luck with your self created dillema. I really do not understand what all the fuss is about. Ditch the bitch and let her take care of her own kids. You are single so why dumpster dive into all that drama?

Edited April 5, 2012 by g450