CopingGal Posted April 1, 2012 Posted April 1, 2012 I woke up this morning feeling bad. In my head I went over the many awful things my ex said to me, how he never apologized for what he did to me, how he harassed me after I told him I did not want to be friends, etc. It hurt. But I know he was just being him. The couple's therapist told me not to take his actions personally. I know I shouldn't because he's just doing what people with sociopathic traits do. And because the couple's therapist was the one who actually told me he had sociopathic traits and narcissitic personality disorder traits, I know that I'm not judging him too harshly. The therapist has told me not to put a value on things he says. I'm not going to. He's just being him...it's sad, but true. I shouldn't get all caught up in the fact that he did not apologize, in the fact that he believes he had a right to treat me like dirt, in the fact that he would do not do anything differently. I know better. I have a B.A. in psychology and many psych grad courses under my belt. FACT #1: He has sociopathic tendencies, as told to me by the couple's therapist, someone who actually saw him in therapy when we went together. FACT #2: Sociopaths do not feel sorry for the pain and suffering they cause others. FACT #3: Sociopaths do extreme damage to others and cause suffering because they feel that they have a right to step on people to get what they want. FACT #4: Sociopaths are liars and my ex is a compulsive liar. FACT #5: Sociopaths are impulsive, and so is my ex FACT #6: Sociopaths are champion manipulators and so it my ex. FACT #7: My ex has narcissitic personality disorder traits and that comes from the therapist FACT #8: We all have bad traits inside us, but my in my ex, these traits are dominant. He lives his life by them. FACT #9: Many times my ex used to say "If it doesn't affect me, why should I care?" FACT #10: Even when my ex was pretending to be a decent human being, he would say cruel things to me. Okay, so those are 10 facts. Here's my conclusion: 1- Try to be grateful that he never apologized. Try to be grateful that he told the world on facebook that he would not change a thing about last year. Those two things will cement in my mind, the fact that he truly, truly has sociopathic traits, that he is very dysfunctional and that he truly is a sick person. These things literally show me that the therapist was right about everything she said about him. 2- Try not to be jealous of the fact that he went on to have at least 2 relationships. The women that he chooses to be with will suffer if they don't stomp on his first...which is what the woman he cheated on me with did. 3- Try to pity him, his son, and anyone that winds up in a relationship with him. 4- Understand that he leads a very chaotic and sad life because he can't control his impluses and he has these terrible dominant traits. 5- Understand that he did not ask for these personality traits. 6-In the years that I have known him (a little over 4 years), he has -Changed jobs twice (which is no big deal, until you add it with other things.) -Was homeless for over a year -When he wasn't homeless, kept moving from place to place -Was kicked out of his apt. -Had his car repossessed -Jumped from woman to woman to woman bringing all of his baggage with him. -Has told me that when he does mean things to people, he does not feel sorry -Has had major health problems...MAJOR. Currently they are worse now than before. -Has had very bad legal troubles Is this someone I want to spend the rest of my life with? HELL NO! Enough said. So I guess I'm lucky he said he would not do anything different last year. It just shows me that he's not misunderstood, he's just extremely dysfunctional....LOSER! 2
Mr Scorpio Posted April 1, 2012 Posted April 1, 2012 Wow. Thorough analysis! It's awesome that you are able to realize that you are better off without him. Even more, if you ever start to doubt that, you have a ton of evidence to back it up!
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 1, 2012 Posted April 1, 2012 I will reiterate, CopingGal==our ex's are the same guy, LOL.
Author CopingGal Posted April 1, 2012 Author Posted April 1, 2012 Wow. Thorough analysis! It's awesome that you are able to realize that you are better off without him. Even more, if you ever start to doubt that, you have a ton of evidence to back it up! Yeah, I have this and not my ex's word. Because my ex is a compulsive liar, I have to go with this. Thank goodness for that couple's counselor. She said she did NOT believe a word of what my ex said in our therapy sessions and that his excuses were flimsy.
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